mooching friends....oy

**kittiesmom** · 05-23-2009, 05:14 PM

Okay, say you have a friend who comes over regularly and just EATS...just eats and eats. Okay, maybe I'm being a bit mellow dramatic. But it's like this person comes over and the first thing this person does is say "I didn't eat all day, I'm starving." and proceeds to eat. Well an hour or two later I'll make dinner for us (DD, DH, Friend and I) and this person eats two servings after eating not two hours ago until I know they were full. Then 1/2 later this person get a craving for something else. And it just goes on like this everytime they are here. I just recently went shopping and put all the yummy snacks into a big trash can (mostly to keep the mice out) and on the lid I wrote, do not touch under pently of death, John's lunch snacks. Then I hid all the cereal behind stuff and basically the only thing left out was canned stuff and side dish mixes. I can honestly tell you this worked pretty good the last time they were here, because there was nothing to get into. But I feel like an enormous greedy B-word for doing this. Am I being selfish or is this a good way to do it without hurting this person's feelings? My husband works very hard for his paycheck and we don't always have alot left, but I was raised to have an open heart and an open kitchen...but do you think this person is taking advantage of my goodwill? Ugh....drama lol.

**Debbie-cat** · 05-23-2009, 05:18 PM

That is exactly how my niece is!!!! I hide all the things that are too easy to get into in our bedroom under the bed. I think it is alright for it to happen once but when it becomes a regular occurrance, then that is different. At least that is how I look at it. Some weeks do not have enough groceries for us let alone feed her too so I just began putting things away. I don't want to cause a family argument, especially since it is DH's niece. DH understands and has even tried to talk to her about it but it seems to go right over her head!

**dean** · 05-23-2009, 05:25 PM

When my DS was in his teens, he had a friend who would help himself to what ever we had. Popsicles in the freezer, snacks in the cupboard, lunch meat in the fridge, fruit, etc. whatever he had a hankerin' for he helped himself. One day I hid it all in the downstairs fridge. As he started his scavanger hunt in my kitchen he said. "Hey didn't you just get groceries?"
And before I could comment, my then 6 year old DD#2 said boldly. "Yes, and my mom hid it all in the cellar fridge cause you are rude and never ask for anything, you just hog it all down!" he never ate at our house again.

**MommyBliss** · 05-23-2009, 07:59 PM

I think you have every right to hide your food. I'd start finding reasons for them not to be there. My brother came to visit back in February and he was like this. Eating all my kids snacks and drinks on top of the regular bg meals I was making him. It was ridiculous. I was so glad when he went home. He won't be visiting her again for a LONG time.

**kittiesmom** · 05-23-2009, 09:32 PM

Lol dean....the brutal honesty of youth. It does seem like we all have that one mooch whom we love, yet want to strangle at them same time. I think I'll just continue putting stuff away out of sight. I mean it's not like I'm never going to let her eat at my house again, but I think I just need to get a control on it before I start to resent her sort of thing, because I do love her to death. Thanks ya'll

**CrazyHomemaker** · 05-23-2009, 10:02 PM

You have every right to hide your stuff. When I was little, my Mom told us not to touch anything or ask for anything when we went somewhere. We knew better. I don't hide my stuff, I just say 'no' to whoever asks for it. (Yes, I actually do that.) It's usually kids wanting junk food. If I know they eat junk food, then I offer only good foods or a drink. I don't need them running all over the house tearing it up during a sugar high. One thing I have to laugh at...a friend of mine made her diabetic fiance some sugar-free homemade chocolates. They were very expensive to make and disappeared before he could eat any. Knowing who ate them, she made another batch with chocolate-flavored laxative in it. Then watched this person run to the bathroom. This person still denied taking any. LOL! Good Luck.

**frugalfranny** · 05-23-2009, 10:25 PM

I am with crazyhomaker........it is YOUR house why do you have to hide your own things??......just say no! If you sense resentment or get a snide remark then explain the situation to them. Sometimes kids (or people in general, no matter the age) don't have a CLUE what is really going on and they need to know. Maybe a "no" and why would work.

I was raised the same as CH, you kept your mouth shut and didn't ask for things when you went to someone else's house.....well, unless it was g'ma's.

I am truly amazed at how brazen some people can be today and also the LACK OF MANNERS that everyone shows. But, having said that, I don't hesitate to make a remark or say no when I have to. I don't mind giving someone 'something' to eat to ward off starvation; but I am not here to fill up their 'empty pit' unless they came to my house for dinner then I hope they are full when they leave my table.

**2ndGenGranola** · 05-24-2009, 02:49 AM

When I was young an aunt and uncle would come and stay for what seemed like forever. He was very rude about his meat and potato demands. My Mom would take so much the put me in the kitchen (young, learning to cook, into veggie/tofu dishes). It was no time until they were gone.

Does your mooch have preferences? Can you cut back on catering to his preferences? -- kind of the same way my Mom turned the veggie teenager loose in the kitchen?

**Luv2BeFrugal** · 05-24-2009, 03:43 AM

I agree... Saying "no" is just fine. It's your home, you can set boundaries. That person is WAY out of line just coming over and eating all your food. If you want to offer it, that's fine...otherwise...they have a SEVERE lack of manners!!

**mom2bobsarah** · 05-24-2009, 06:51 AM

I say go ahead and hide your stuff. It sometimes can really blow up in your face when you set boundries with family members and I understand keeping the peace. I too, am a person that loves to entertain (which always involves me baking something) but when people are rudely digging around or even outright asking for stuff I would have to do something. I was also raised that you NEVER ask for something (short of maybe a glass of water) at someone's house. My children are being raised the same way. Short little ditty here, we were at the doctor the other day and my daughter (age 4)asked me if she could ask the dr. for the stickers that were on the wall and before I could say anything my 6 yo said No, Sarah, you don't ask for things, that's rude. I just smiled, at least I know some of it is sinking in.

**ladykemma2** · 05-24-2009, 07:32 AM

boundary issues.

when i have unexpected people over, out comes the teapot, cream and sugar. maybe i will make them a sandwich. if i have invited them for dinner, serve it right away.
i also don't let people "hang out" at my house. for example the dinner invitation says 3-6 pm. then i shoo them out and have an excuse, like have to get ready for work, or something.

**phoeny_moonstar** · 05-24-2009, 09:18 AM

I'm sorry but I would not allow someone to just go digging through my cupboards or my fridge. I think it's incredibly rude and disrespectful. You shouldn't have to hide your food in your own home. Maybe it's time to sit them down and tell them to keep their sticky paws to themselves?

**Sassyclass** · 05-24-2009, 09:25 AM

You aren't being a B by a long shot. If anything you are letting this person take advantage of you. Stop making yourself out to be the bad person in this situation. I agree with OP's who say "why are you hiding things in your own house"? At this very moment my fiancee and I along with his family are going through the same thing with his son. Without turning this into an "about me" post, everyone in the family has had it up to their eyeballs with him not working and mooching off of everyone else and expecting us to support his married girlfriend(another story).

Fiancee and I have stopped encouraging his selfishness and the rest of the family is finally starting to see the light. If it gets to the point where you are hiding things then it's to the point this "friend" needs to be told NO MORE. Tell them to find some manners or find a new restuarant, yours is closed.

Cat

**LynnLC** · 05-24-2009, 10:09 AM

Originally Posted by CrazyHomemaker

You have every right to hide your stuff. When I was little, my Mom told us not to touch anything or ask for anything when we went somewhere. We knew better. I don't hide my stuff, I just say 'no' to whoever asks for it. (Yes, I actually do that.) It's usually kids wanting junk food. If I know they eat junk food, then I offer only good foods or a drink. I don't need them running all over the house tearing it up during a sugar high. One thing I have to laugh at...a friend of mine made her diabetic fiance some sugar-free homemade chocolates. They were very expensive to make and disappeared before he could eat any. Knowing who ate them, she made another batch with chocolate-flavored laxative in it. Then watched this person run to the bathroom. This person still denied taking any. LOL! Good Luck.

I was taught this as well. Whatever happened to good old fashioned manners?

**cab54** · 05-24-2009, 10:38 AM

When my younger son was a teen, he had a friend who's dad was an alcoholic, was mean to the boy, and the dad was also dying. The boy (ds's friend) was going through a lot of conflicting feelings and hated to be at home.

So he was at our house---all the time. He spent the weekends at our house, and was over most school nights. He could eat a LOT. He was a BIG boy and my sons are too. I felt like I was feeding an army. He would just open the pantry, or the fridge and eat. If there was nothing to his liking, he would go over to Wendy's or something.

My grocery bill was huge at that time.