Go to bed at the same time as....

**StartingOver** · 06-26-2009, 11:53 PM

As I'm sitting here catching up on FV, DH just went to bed as he works in the morning. I realize that very rarely do we both go to bed at the same time.

Due to schedules, most times I'm in bed asleep by the time he gets home and usually he's up and gone to work before I need to get up or vice versa. How sad

We get so busy with our lives, kids, jobs that at times I feels "we" as husband and wife are loosing our way.

I hope it gets better as the kids get older....or does it get worse?

**frugalfranny** · 06-27-2009, 12:03 AM

You might need to talk about it......and work on it.

Everyone needs to take some time for themselves, including couples!

**craftypam** · 06-27-2009, 12:29 AM

If you don't work on it now, it will not just automatically get better. If you do not work on your relationship while the kids are home you may not have one when they leave.

**Brighid** · 06-27-2009, 12:41 AM

Agreed. Definitely work on it now. Things may not get better as the kids get older, BUT, I can tell you that you 'should' end up with more energy by the end of the day as they get older....which could mean more time in the evening for the both of you, if he's home.

But yeah, definitely sit and talk about it and work out a schedule that you are both happy with, work it, and adjust as necessary.

Good luck!

**Momto2Boyz** · 06-27-2009, 06:37 AM

Dh and I are the same way. So, I don't understand why those above are saying "work on it". Due to job schedules and things, you don't get to go to bed at the same time...not much you can do about it.

DH is normally in bed by 8pm, since he has to get up at 4. I'm a night owl, so I stay up later (The kids and I just can't go to bed when it is light out).

We are always so busy with work, kid's activities and everything else, that some weeks pass by and I feel like I hardly see him. Even though, we are lucky enough to eat dinner together every night and usually spend our evenings together at the kids games and things.

We make up our time on the weekends. Sometimes we go our seperate ways, and see friends or run errands. But usually we spend the majority of our weekends doing things together, which helps. And we always try to go to bed at the same time on the weekends when we can!

**fixer** · 06-27-2009, 09:44 AM

Due to different schedules, my wife and I started sleeping in separate bedrooms a few years ago. It has been one of the best things we have done. A strong and successful marriage consists of much more than occupying the same bed at the same time.

**lisaflex** · 06-27-2009, 05:03 PM

all couples are different. dont think there is any right or wrong answer...just depends.

dh doesnt need much sleep. i need 6 solid hrs a night. sometimes more.

sometimes we stay up late together.

we chill everyngiht together w/ a glass of wine and just talk for at least an hour or two.

we are lucky enough to go away by ourselves (a TRUE vacation) at least 2x yr. for anywhere from 1 - 5 nghts at a time. that helps! you then remember why you first fell in love!

thats what works for us.

**savvy_sniper** · 06-27-2009, 05:24 PM

We don't have kids. I am a morning person and hubby is a night person.

In real life hubby is up at 4:30 a. m. and off to work by 5:20 a.m. I generally get up before he leaves. I have my own business and work from home. So I get most of my business and house work done early the morning and afternoon.

He gets home from work around 5:00 p. m. We spend several hours together. I generally go to bed around 9:00 p.m. and he is up until 11:00 or 12.

On his days off he generally sleeps until 9:30 a. m. and stays up until the wee hours of the morning. I get up between 5 and 6 a. m and go to bed around 9 or 10. We spend most of the day together.

We have a great relationship. We are not joined at the hip and do lots of things separately, but we do lots of things together also. The time we spend together is QUALITY time and we make the most of it.

We both know that I am a morning person and he is a night person. We deal with it and work around it. There are occasions where he will get up early to do something with me and there are occasions where I will stay up late so we can go out together.

There is no right or wrong to a good relationship. It is what works for the two of you.

**craftypam** · 06-27-2009, 08:28 PM

Originally Posted by Momto2Boyz

Dh and I are the same way. So, I don't understand why those above are saying "work on it". Due to job schedules and things, you don't get to go to bed at the same time...not much you can do about it.

DH is normally in bed by 8pm, since he has to get up at 4. I'm a night owl, so I stay up later (The kids and I just can't go to bed when it is light out).

We are always so busy with work, kid's activities and everything else, that some weeks pass by and I feel like I hardly see him. Even though, we are lucky enough to eat dinner together every night and usually spend our evenings together at the kids games and things.

We make up our time on the weekends. Sometimes we go our seperate ways, and see friends or run errands. But usually we spend the majority of our weekends doing things together, which helps. And we always try to go to bed at the same time on the weekends when we can!

In my post I was not talking about going to bed together at the same time. I was talking about 2 people keeping their relationship together while raising children

**Nana2two** · 06-27-2009, 09:17 PM

You have to maintain your relationship when you have children, if you dont when you children do grow up and move out,, you will have no clue what each other is about. know many people that have divorced when there kids have moved out becuase they have dont know each other. Its so sad.Please make sure the children DONT always come first becuase, they will grow up and move on to find a spouse.

**pollypurebred39** · 06-27-2009, 09:39 PM

Starting over, It sounds like you miss your husband, I'll bet he misses you too. Our church teaches Sunday school classes that are geared to the couple. The last one was a series of lessons called Fireproof. They even have date nights where they provide babysitting and the couple goes to the family life center to see a movie and have dinner together. Maybe see if your church does anything like this, talk with the pastor. I'm positive that we as couples need to break off from our children and work (for a time) and just spend time together. It's not about going to bed at the same time as much as actively seeking quality time with each other. If your worried about that night time, time for another reason maybe after you get the kids tucked in you could slip in quietly next to your husband and gently wake him...wink, wink, I'll bet he wouldn't mind.

**Nana2two** · 06-27-2009, 09:49 PM

I agree polly, sometimes its not all about the sex, that does help. But its the talking the holding hands, the long walks, the adult time.

**tigo** · 06-29-2009, 08:54 AM

We compromised. He is late all night kind of guy and I am ready to crash after sunset. Now we go to bed at 10 and get up at 5. I just can't sleep if he isn't in the bed with me. The week he went out of town was horrible.

**ml2620** · 06-29-2009, 09:30 AM

I go to bed several hours before my husband. For a while, I'd just wander off to bed and go to sleep and he didn't like that very much. Lately, I go and kiss him good night and ask him to tuck me in. I climb into to bed and we have a good little talk, count our blessings for the day and tell each other we love them. It's a small thing, but it's special. Everyone needs to be tucked in sometimes.

There are also times when we've set the alarm for 3:00 a.m. to wake up, have sex, cuddle, talk and snooze so we can both get up at our usual 5:00 a.m.

Maybe you should wake up for him when he gets home. You don't have to get out of bed or anything, just wake up, sit up, talk for a few minutes, pull him into the bed for a snuggle and go back to sleep.

You're post has funny timing for me as I was just thinking about this last night. DH and I had a very busy weekend, cleaned out the garage, took care of the bees, cleaned out an upstairs bedroom we could move into so my MIL could have the first floor bedroom - we were busy, exhausted and not enough got done. But by 7:00, we hit a wall. We took a bath, made some pasta, had a glass or wine and went to bed early. It was wonderful.

I woke up this morning to dirty dishes, a litter box that hadn't been cleaned yesterday, trash that hasn't been taken out, lunches not packed, clothes not ironed, dinner not planned or prepared for tonight. And I couldn't have been any happier or more pleased with myself. When DH and I are happy, nothing else matters.

**nodmicks** · 06-29-2009, 10:34 AM

Currently dh and I go to bed at the same time. I'd prefer a little earlier as I need more sleep but.....

For many years dh had to go to bed at 5:30 to 6pm. I always went and lay down with him for a while. Even if adult activities were not on the adgenda it was still nice to cuddle and read a book while dh fell asleep. It was very comforting!

It is so hard to sneak in any couple time as our kids are teens but don't drive. We are constantly running kids between jobs and friends. We live close to nothing so everything is a 15-30 mile trip. With our schedules and theirs it is hectic!

If we didn't go to bed at the same time I think we would get 0 alone time. Wait I take that back! We did go buy curtain alone yesterday for 90 min. I really look forward to any thing like that alone. LOL

It was far easier when our kids were little!