hypothetical question

**ladykemma2** · 07-03-2009, 01:15 PM

i know of a woman on the run from a dangerous abusive husband. she is in hiding with the help of a lawyer, a social worker, police, and a shelter. he is so dangerous that he has done prison time. apparently mr charming is out of prison now and out to find her. she has contacted police and all her helpers.

what would you do? if you were her? what would you do if you were advising?

**jlaporte** · 07-03-2009, 01:44 PM

sadly i was that woman. i have done all u say she has. my advice is took kids safe and keep doing what she is doing. has she filed a restraining order? can she get more proof ie pics n voicemails of this so she can get full custady and full restraining order. it isnt easy. i still look over my shoulder. i will send possative thoughts and plz keep me informed.if i can thik of anything else i did i will update. but basically keep all her important stuff together and b ready to pick up and go.

**ladykemma2** · 07-03-2009, 02:03 PM

as far as i know there is a restraining order. she took the threatening proof to the police and they did take action.

frankly i gave her some extreme advice and i was wondering if i was out of line. i am waiting to see if anyone else suggests what i was thinking.

**pinetree** · 07-03-2009, 02:04 PM

I was there also, but a restraining order will not really help her, from keeping him away. Mine would park in front of the house, I would call the police ( I have a life time restrsing order ) anyway they would tell me there was nothing they can do because it was a public street.

I would advise her to stay with the shelter, they can move her if need be, and she has someone around all the time. These guys have habits of showing up when ever they want, and if she doesnt have someone around she could be in real danger.

I will say a prayer for her that she stays safe. I also agree to have her things together, the panic that sets in, you cant think real fast, she HAS to have a plan.

**ladykemma2** · 07-03-2009, 02:10 PM

oh i left out something important. he has a habit of breaking in.

**baxjul** · 07-03-2009, 02:11 PM

I'm not sure. Even though the police are aware, and her lawyer etc., he can still get to her. People will probably not agree, but I would make sure she has some kind of defense, in case he gets by them. If it were me, I would have a gun near by. Just in case.

Otherwise, could she leave town, to stay with relatives or anyone, and hide out for a while?

**ladykemma2** · 07-03-2009, 02:13 PM

Originally Posted by baxjul

I'm not sure. Even though the police are aware, and her lawyer etc., he can still get to her. People will probably not agree, but I would make sure she has some kind of defense, in case he gets by them. If it were me, I would have a gun near by. Just in case.

Otherwise, could she leave town, to stay with relatives or anyone, and hide out for a while?

ok, gun was what i was thinking too. so i am not that far off base.

**pinetree** · 07-03-2009, 02:24 PM

What is her lawyer and shelter saying for her to do? Maybe they could help her get a concealed weapon permit? That way her can have it with her all the time.

**rowdy35** · 07-03-2009, 02:52 PM

is it possible for her to leave the state ? I would run far, far away from that pyscho.

**jlaporte** · 07-03-2009, 02:57 PM

well i feel for her. he broke down the door at 3 am and attempted murder. the cops told me even tho i have a life time restraining order that i had to go find him. so we all have ptsd umong other things. she needs to figure out what she can do. being prepared is the main thing.one day these sobs will get whats comming to them. as far as i know he is livin free and large with some other poor victum. can ya tell i moved cross country for my safty of my family

**jlaporte** · 07-03-2009, 02:59 PM

btw id love a gun its everyone in the house thats doesnt want me to have it but a cell phone is literally my best friend. even now i have it with me at all times. it has become my life line and security blinket.we all have the right to bear arms. and if that sob were to break in go for the knee caps n take him out..sorry my anger is rising and i hope we all stay safe and they get whats comming karma is a bitch

**Contrary Housewife** · 07-03-2009, 03:12 PM

You're in Texas. Get a gun, learn to use it. Keep it loaded. Get a carry permit, too. Triple check the doors, get window bars if necessary. She knows this guy is coming for her. If he breaks in she needs to hear him coming. Once he attempts to enter the house she has the legal right to drop him in self protection, and she needs to be mentally prepared to shoot. She should never be alone, always have a buddy with her when she is out.

I see too many stories in the news of ex-wives/girlfriends dead while waiting for a restraining order or gun permit to get approved. She should not sit around and wait.

**frugalfranny** · 07-03-2009, 03:17 PM

I agree with the gun.....IF she knows how to use it. Is there someone that can show her, once she gets one?

Didn't see where you mentioned if she has kids or not. An additional stress, trauma factor, but I think they need to go 'somewhere' until this settles down.

IMO restraining orders are just short of WORTHLESS......they won't do anything, like stated above, until some action happens, which can then be to late. Sounds like she is dealing with a serious nutso......so this takes serious ammunition......a gun!

I wish her SAFETY!!!

**NikoSan999** · 07-03-2009, 03:54 PM

If she shoots him she WILL go to jail. Sometimes defense is NOT a reason to kill someone. At least according to the law. Florida had no self defense law until not long ago and still not sure it wouldn't be persued.
Man in Michigan few years ago went into his home and into the bathroom and found his two baby girls dead in the bathtub and wife slumped over the tub dead also. Shot ....Killer was still in the house. The father/husband shot and killed him IN HIS OWN HOME after he had killed the 3. Guess what..father/husband went to prison. This was documented in the Drug/Alcohol/Tobacco/Firearms magazine at the time. Not sure if in right sequence..been awhile.
My sisters ex pushed her out of a moving car going 60 around a corner on mothers day a long time ago. Her mothers day present I guess. Mother took pictures and her to police station. Pictures were horrible. They said they didn't like to get involved in domestic disputes. Times haven't changed. They still don't.
He will look at the families. Hide and look. Also friends. Best thing to do is stay at shelter or haul ass. But don't depend on police. Don't be alone under any circumstances and the more people the merrier. But how long can she have company? Not forever. Maybe she has family out of state.
You didn't say if there are kids. Or does she work. If so she will probably lose her job and that sucks as hard as jobs are to find.
He once got in and held her and the kids hostage.
But a gun...tell her to find out the consequences in advance..judge..GOOD lawyer..etc. Not as easy as it sounds

**NikoSan999** · 07-03-2009, 03:56 PM

Oh yeah, forgot when he once got in and held her and the kids hostage...the police came...when they got him to come out...he was out on bail in nothing flat...really pissed.