punched in the gut: my child said they were gay!

**Buckeye5** · 07-22-2009, 06:59 PM

Update: the sightofoneself, contacted me and did apologize. I just wanted you all to know, she was sorry.

**Buckeye5** · 07-22-2009, 07:04 PM

on a lighter note: now when one of my other kids start a conversation with, "Mom and Dad I need to talk to you" I about gizzy down my leg!!!!hahaha Seriously, again thanks for all of your kind words and thoughts. Hopefully, we all can learn something from this:the next time you meet someone who is gay, remember they are someones child and be more compassionate and understanding.

**Greebo** · 07-22-2009, 07:58 PM

Originally Posted by Buckeye5

Update: the sightofoneself, contacted me and did apologize. I just wanted you all to know, she was sorry.

He, actually, by gender preference.

**Buckeye5** · 07-22-2009, 08:03 PM

Stood corrected.

**cissylu** · 07-22-2009, 08:47 PM

Buckeye I!ve read all the post. I just want you to know I think you are a great mother.
I don`t know any one that is gay. But your love for your dd Is wonderful.
I just really don`t know what to say except my heart is with you and your dd. And I wish your dd the best. (((hugs to all of you)).

**McD** · 07-22-2009, 08:47 PM

I can't pretend to know what you are going through. I think you are handling it very well. I would find a support group that may be able to help you figure out how to deal with all the emotions you are experiencing. An online support group may be better for anonymity as I think you said you were in a small town? (to clarify this, I didn't mean to sound like you would be ashamed or trying to hide what your daughter is, but if she isn't ready to come out publicly just yet, this may be your best option.)

Your daughter obviously knows that you love her unconditionally and support her no matter what, otherwise she wouldn't have come to you to tell you this and ask for your guidance and support.

Your daughter hasn't changed, she is still that wonderful girl you raised. But because of her sexual orientation, the world around her can, and will, at times, treat her differently. That in and of itself, would make me cry. Knowing that she may potentially face hatred, hostility, limited or no access to the basic 'rights/privileges' that straight people have (I.e. marriage) are never things you would have wished upon her and it's completely natural, I think, to be devastated that the world may treat her so cruelly.

I wish I had better advice or the magical words that would make you feel better. But I think, right now, you need some time to adjust to the news. After the shock wears away, I think it will be much easier to figure out a way to help your family cope.

**bumplett** · 07-22-2009, 09:12 PM

:

You're a great mom.

**Michelle68** · 07-22-2009, 09:26 PM

Originally Posted by Greebo

He, actually, by gender preference.

I wasn't aware of that either. My bad, Thesightofoneself. I'm sorry.

**miss_thrifty** · 07-22-2009, 09:43 PM

My hubby was brought up in a christian houshold he's the baby of 7 boys. 3 of his older brother's are gay. The first one one who admitted and told his parents it was the hardest and has been happily in a monogumest relationship with his partner for the last 9 yrs. And hubbys parebts are old fashion Catholics. But they love all the kids and whether they belive that its wrong or right because of reliegin does not stop them from having a open , honest relatioship among themselves.
Theyve accepted their children all 3 of them just the way they are and have come full 360 degrees that respecting their children enough to live their own lifes for that reason.
But now if u asked me about MIl for us DIL forget it lol She is gettig better as she gets older but then we live almost 1 hr away.
I think your doing a great job also. And yes it is a concern for your child> hubbys brothers never admitted till they were adults and left the province. So deffently i do see where your fears are for her. Here in PEI it is getting better as far as Gay rights but still many back yard hicks and bashing. The schools are tryng to educate the new generation that gay bashiing and the bullying is wrong and speak up for others.
School coucilng will help alot and getting info maybe from certain books from libary to relate to her while still keeping the lines open. Which u have been doing .
huggss to you

**kmeyrick** · 07-22-2009, 10:05 PM

Buckeye5-

I think Joyce was trying to be helpful, and it is also okay to be bisexual. It hurts your daughter when people ridicule her orientation, and you kinda ridiculed Joyce's by saying "at least my daughter picked a team." That must have hurt! I'm not trying to be hostile, just trying to share a new perspective so that you can use it and avoid hurting your own daughter unintentionally.

I know you are startled and shocked, but try to think of this as a new world opening up, as well as having to rework what you thought your daughter's life will be like. Being gay today, while not the easiest road, is certainly better than it was. She can adopt (and imagine, if she adopts, she could be having such a wonderful impact on a little one's life who needs her desperately) and one day, if supportive, loving people push for it, she can get legally married! Yeah, I know, adoption is expensive, but any adoptive mother on this board will tell you it's worth it! She can use a sperm donor as well. There's actually not nearly as many doors closing here as there seem to be.

I would second pp's who suggested joining PFLAG. They can help you learn about homosexuality in a fair, fantastic way and you will hopefully be relieved of a lot of the negative emotions you are feeling right now.

**Missourimom** · 07-22-2009, 10:27 PM

Buckeye, I've been in your situation and understand your feelings.

**FrugalMomof3** · 07-22-2009, 10:37 PM

I am sorry to hear your feeling a bit angry/upset/confused but I agree that no matter what sexual gender your child likes, you will love them unconditionally. I too would feel the same way but I love my children as I know you love yours so just be there for them. You have to be strong for them and yourself.

**pip** · 07-22-2009, 10:39 PM

(((Hugs)))

**Buckeye5** · 07-22-2009, 10:43 PM

I apologize if I hurt anyone, not my intentions. Here is the truth...my truth...

I believe that people do need to pick a side and stay there, gay...not-gay, just pick a side.

I am trying to adjust to having a lesbian daughter, a bisexual one??? I don't even want to think about it. The funny thing is, my daughter and I discussed this:

her truth: she said it was hard for me to understand her being attracted to another girl, as it was equally hard for her to understand being attracted to a man. That made enough sense to me.

I wasn't ridiculing anyone, I am just trying to sort out my feelings, and I guess purge them with a brutal honesty that many people feel but are afraid or uncomfortable to say or discuss. Your scenario, although, pleasant to think about it, is not the normal things that happen to most gays,especially in smalltown usa. Children...I don't think you want to know my opinion on that one. I touched a bit in an earlier post...Children deserve parents that are heterosexuals..Join Big Brothers and Big Sisters if you want to have children. Life is hard enough for homosexuals and experince way too many hardships, why would anyone want to put that on a small child??? I think it is selfish. My daughter is going to be hurt, and I am sure already has..now you can maybe understand my concerns. I really beleive you have a diffrent set of thought and ideas when you are a parent. I have tried to have the courage here to be honest, and say what is really being thought and said out there. I love my child, don't ever doubt that. This is unknown territory for us, and I am trying to sort out my emotions, and think things thru, to be of help to my girl the best that I know how.

**Goodwin17** · 07-22-2009, 11:00 PM

Just wanted to tell you that you're an excellent mother. Your daughter is extremely lucky to have you as her mom! I have no advice, but you have gotten some great advice already. I am sending good vibes to you and your daughter.