do I ...... (kind of a vent)

[l8eebugg]

Sounds to me like you're doing the best you can. It also sounds like you are tired and overwhelmed. Can someone watch the kids so you can have a couple of hours to yourself to rest a few times a week? For being frugal...it is work...takes time to learn new habits. Stay connected here and you will have support and gain tons of valuable infomation and skills
Now...put your feet up and relax for a couple of minutes.

[Siebrie]

My dd is only 13m but we have already made a few simple houserules:

- eating and drinking take place at the table at all times (yes, that includes the midafternoon cookie and drink)
- no toys in the kitchen
- no child(ren) in the kitchen when preparing dinner, unless fixed in a childseat

Can you have your 2 oldest children do the dishes by hand for a while, so that they will appreciate the work the dishwasher does?

[Nishu]

Your oldest two are loading the dishwasher? At 6 and 8? Maybe you should handle that one and let them put away the dishes instead. My oldest turned 8 yesterday and I don't think she's quite ready to load the dishwasher. I mean, I know that she would do it and that she would try, but she definitely would not do it to my satisfaction. It might be a learning experience, but I don't have the patience for learning experiences that would be so frustrating to me, having 3 children myself. Am I just being soft on her?

Easiest thing for the snacking 3 year old might just be to keep the snacks out of her reach and make sure that when she does get a snack you sit near her and keep an eye on her.

I don't have any advice regarding your husband as that's something I'm sort of working on myself. In the next couple days he and I are going to sit down and have a long talk about the finances so that he and I are on the same page. Maybe you can plan a date night, or some quiet time after the kids go to bed and share with him the book or website or whatever it was that motivated you to save money in the first place.

Hang in there! It will get easier as time goes on.

[ladykemma2]

as a chemistry teacher, about the dishwasher, take a sharpie marker and mark the dishwasher setting with the sharpie. then show the kids what you want.

kids do what you INSPECT, not what you EXPECT.

good luck.

[tervsforme]

Of course you belong here... This site is fantastic with lots of tips, challenges and motivation. It can get very overwhelming with all of the information and great ideas. My suggestion would be to pick one to implement this month, then once you have it down, add something else the next month and so on. I know when I try to do too much or too many challenges, I am setting myself up for failure and then that gets me down and I don't accomplish anything.

[Mummy2]

Kids and husbands need to be trained. It will take time but in the end you will have sefl sufficient kids and a husband that... I'm not too sure about the husband thing I'm still training mine (Kids are easier to train).

[cab54]

My sons were trainable. But they doidn't start loading the dishwasher till they were about 10. Some things my DH has never been happy with, and then I had to change and compromise with his wishes. It's his house, too.

For instance he never liked the idea of homemade laundry soaps/cleaners, so I use store bought ones that I water down when he's not looking, and use less of them. I just do the best I can, as far as what works in my own household, I don't try to be the frugal queen. I can't apply everything i learn here at FV. Everyone does their own frugal thing. I still save a lot.

Now that my sons have been living on their own for a few years (as college students, and now in their own apts.) they are starting to apply some frugal tactics they learned. My younger son (23) was up here visiting and had eaten a snackie out of a ziplock bag, and brought it past me saying "should I leave this out to wash and re-use?" Yay! He gets it!

Can you put the 3 year old in a strapped-in toddler chair and make them eat at the table? I would try. Isn't being pg fun?

[MomToTwoBoys]

belong here that is?

I'm not sure that I do since I am having a very hard time with the frugal thing (my kids and dh is the hard part). He hates that I use a homemade laundry soap. He is also skeptical of the homemade pasta sauce, too. My kids are just difficult. They have no clue about this. I ask them to load the dishwasher and they will get a few things in on the top and bottom then run it. The dishes don't come clean cuz they play with the controls. Then that means I have to re-run it after I fill it more. the put the laundry in the dryer (when we use it) on the air setting and well that does nothing to dry the clothing so then I have to reset the dryer to actually dry the clothes.

I told dh that I was trying to save money by doing certain things and he gave the look like I was loosing my mind.

I tried to do the no spend challenge and I have failed at that horribly out of the first 3 days I have spent on 2 and have to spend. The next 2 as well so out the the first 5; I will have 1 no spend day. I have only got 3 loads on the line so far in about 1 wk.
Last night dh's truck started missing and will not last long like that and has had a knock for along time. My mini van needs work too the a/c does not work. Then we are also to get the house ready for a baby and be the learning coach for my 6 and 8yo.
My 3 yo runs about the house with bread in her hand dropping crums everywhere so then I have to vaccum more than once a day.

I want to get my cloth diapers back out but this pregnancy has me very tired so I have not got the energy to do much.

thanks for reading if you got this far.

You certainly do belong here! I'm sure that everyone here has been in the same position that you are. I'm even positive that some of us have been in a lot worse of a situation that you're in.

Frugality is harder on some people than on others. I firmly believe that it takes all kinds of people to make it work and everyone has their own way of doing things. If it seems like doing a lot of frugal aspects has you and your family in a tizzy, then just give one aspect of it a shot. If you want to improve on your energy usage, then just start by hanging up clothes instead of running the dryer. If you want to use the dishwasher instead of washing by hand (which I find the washing by hand to be more frugal because you use less water, which saves money), ask everyone to clean off their plate and then wipe it off with a wet cloth and stack them on the side of the sink.

You don't have to do everything to make an impact. Just start out slow and then build up to a level that's comfortable.

Family is definitely harder to get on board, especially if a lot of the things that you're doing are new. My kids are 5 and 10, both with birthdays coming up. When I started out, I asked them to help me out with something. If they asked me why, I told them the good things about what I was doing and how beneficial it was to the family. My 10 year old doesn't grasp the concept as well because he's autistic, but my 5 year old is great with it. If I ask him to put his clothes in the laundry hamper, he does it. If I ask him to put the cans under the counter and he asks me why I have so many cans of soup, I tell him it's part of my stockpile to help us keep lots of food in the house and to save money for other things.

DH was hard at first, but once he saw how much money and time we were saving, he caught on real fast. He's actually the one who took three days to set me up with an Excel spreadsheet for the budget.

It might take a little longer than you expected, but things will come and they'll make life a whole lot easier.

[emtmama04]

Thanks everyone. i have gone to not letting the older 2 load but they are allowed to unload the dishwasher. I also figured out the settings issue it is my 1 yo who will pull up to the dishwasher and turn the dial.
My 3 yo is the stubborn one of the bunch. i have curbbed the wandering and eating some.

the dishwasher soap home made now that is an idea i need. Dh is the worst when it come to using too much he will fill both cups in the door and i tell him that he does not need that much and he says the dishes are no clean if we don't. i then got action pacs with dawn and they are leaving a soapy film on the dishes. he does not use too much but the dishes have that film on them.

thanks for the support.

[Persimmon Lace]

I guess I'm old fashioned, I run the house and he stays out of it unless I ask for help. I don't run his office, he doesn't run my house!

I didn't realize the children were 6 and 8, they will require more guidance, but the 8 year old can definitely handle more than you think. As for the little one, there wouldn't be any walking around eating at the age but then I think the other ones should eat at the table too. That would certainly help with the upkeep.

8 year olds are capable of sweeping with a broom, dusting, picking up their stuff, helping with laundry, like folding and getting their clothes out of a basket and put up. They can clean up their room and make their beds if you want them too.

6 year olds can do a lot too with some guidance, but they can pick up their stuff, put shoes in the closet, make their beds. It won't be perfect but it will be done!

[Lindsey]

There has been a lot of great advice here. Things get better with time and something that works for one of us might not work for you. I CANNOT do the no spend challenge no matter how many times I have tried, BUT I never go over budget. At first I did the envelope system, but that was a big hassle so I just started writing down what I spent in labeled columns and when I had spent that much in the column I didn't spend anymore. I learned how to smart buy very quickly! Good luck!

[Thevail]

Of course you belong here! Right along with all of the rest of us loonies!

This place is for bragging when you do well.. often because there isn't a lot of positive re-enforcement for all the million stupid little frugal things any of us does in the real world. But there is here!

Way to turn those lights off! Heck.. way to be aware that you should be turning lights off!

This is also a place for getting ideas for what to do to be frugal.. many of us pretty much started from.. "jeez, there's just GOT to be a better way to do this stuff that isn't so danged expensive".

This place is also for venting or outright whining on occasion when we feel let down, by ourselves, by circumstances, or by our families, or friends, or co-workers in our fight to be frugal.

This is where we can come and everyone may not know your name.. but we all know your pain, and understand your struggle.
That feeling that the whole culture and everyone you know is either nuts or just downright stupid, or possibly even kinda evil around the edges.

This place exists because being frugal in a spend thrift, consumer driven, status is everything, disposable society is HARD! Where's the motivation to do your best if absolutely everyone just thinks you're weird for even trying?

So we try hard to be each other's motivation, or sopping shoulder, or cheering squad.

Congrats on your decision to be frugal.. and welcome to the crazy train!