do I ...... (kind of a vent)

**emtmama04** · 08-03-2009, 05:02 PM

belong here that is?

I'm not sure that I do since I am having a very hard time with the frugal thing (my kids and dh is the hard part). He hates that I use a homemade laundry soap. He is also skeptical of the homemade pasta sauce, too. My kids are just difficult. They have no clue about this. I ask them to load the dishwasher and they will get a few things in on the top and bottom then run it. The dishes don't come clean cuz they play with the controls. Then that means I have to re-run it after I fill it more. the put the laundry in the dryer (when we use it) on the air setting and well that does nothing to dry the clothing so then I have to reset the dryer to actually dry the clothes.

I told dh that I was trying to save money by doing certain things and he gave the look like I was loosing my mind.

I tried to do the no spend challenge and I have failed at that horribly out of the first 3 days I have spent on 2 and have to spend. The next 2 as well so out the the first 5; I will have 1 no spend day. I have only got 3 loads on the line so far in about 1 wk.
Last night dh's truck started missing and will not last long like that and has had a knock for along time. My mini van needs work too the a/c does not work. Then we are also to get the house ready for a baby and be the learning coach for my 6 and 8yo.
My 3 yo runs about the house with bread in her hand dropping crums everywhere so then I have to vaccum more than once a day.

I want to get my cloth diapers back out but this pregnancy has me very tired so I have not got the energy to do much.

thanks for reading if you got this far.

**Karen1** · 08-03-2009, 05:07 PM

Sure you belong here.

I take it you are preggo. And tired....LOL-LOL----well they go hand in hand and with a big family already, sure you must be triple tired!

On the Dh and kids, heck make them do chores that YOU know they can't screw up. Have the kids fold the laundry. How bad can they screw up right? worst is wrinkles, it costs nothing and can be easily fixed next washing...LOL

And spending money is not bad, it is if you over spend and don't care. There are times in life we must spend money, cars are one of them. Never feel bad about having to afford life. We all have to do that.

Just catch the little savings that you can save on...turn a light off in a room, etc. And don't worry about crumbs, they can stay one night and be vacuumed in the morning.

just rest, it would be the best thing you can do and think about how you can give chores to everyone that don't screw up your dials on the dishwasher...LOL

**shoiji** · 08-03-2009, 05:47 PM

It takes awhile to get the "frugal thing" down. Or atleast to where you are comfortable with it. What works for one person may not work for another. It really does sound as if you have your hands full. Try to do what you can with the electricity savings. Talk with your husband about wanting to save on electricity. I bet the first time your electric bill goes down he may think about it more.

Take your time with seeing what will work best for you and your family.

Someone came in and installed directv. I told the guy to not unplug the power strip. He rolled his eyes and said it doesn't save that much money. I told him my utility payments went down in the past year and not up like everyone elses. I even have a credit on the utility bill now. So while this guy is rolling his eyes, I have extra money to spend on other things.

Hang in there.

**ilovechocolate** · 08-03-2009, 05:47 PM

Don't give up!! A lot of your discouragement is probably because of pregnancy hormones going crazy. Stick with it, do what you can, and keep visiting here at the Village. Things will get better!!!!!

**frugalfranny** · 08-03-2009, 05:59 PM

Hang in there. Hormones raging?

You will learn it.....it just takes some baby steps. Just have the kids load the dw and not turn it on. Stop the walking around with food to save on the extra vac. (nip this in the bud quick as you have another one on the way)

New things come with new routines/rules and they take time to learn......for everyone.

My daughter was horrible about turning lights off so I deducted a set amt. from her allowance each time.....took her about two weeks of less allowance to learn.

**nodmicks** · 08-03-2009, 06:00 PM

Sure you belong here! Hugs on not getting the cooperation you could use in your frugal venture. I literally have tried 100's of frugal things that weren't for us. Just use what works for you and don't worry about the rest.

**Nana2two** · 08-03-2009, 06:05 PM

My hubby and kids were the same way. It took them awhile to figure out what the heck was happening.I would suggest baby steps. You do have many young ones,i would think they would hard in itself.
BY the way i alsos live in the midwest and welcome to the forum!!

**Jamielane** · 08-03-2009, 06:05 PM

I feel the same way sometimes. My kids can wear me down. My oldest dd I can tune out for a long time wanting things because she ALWAYS wants something. My younger dd almost never asks for anything so it hard to say no when she does. My dh is very supportive of me trying to save and loves to hear about my frugal victories but he has always been the saver and I have always been the spender so it is a fundamental change in my habits. For him it is second nature. Today I was in the grocery store and got several back to school items for each dd, clearence pool noodles and a crat load of groceries. ALot for the week and a significant amount of things to add to my stockpile. I felt so guilty that I sopent 116.00 . I thought I am a fraud . I am not frugal , I just spent over 100.00 dollars but I did save almost 50.00 in coupons and got alot of things we needed. so being frugal , I have to remind myself is getting the things you need at the best price. I did that today. Everything in my cart was on clearance or sale and alot of had coupons and all were things we will use . Just keep being persistant and eventually things will be so routine you wont feel like your doing something different. I make my own Dishwasher soap and today I looked at the store stuff because I had a coupon for 2.25 off and I still did not get it because it would have cost over 2.00. Not worth it. Some things I would like to do but know I cant . Like powers strips on most plugs. I unplug everything I CAN but I will not unplug the tvs or computers because the laptop will not work with the desktop unpluggeddue to the router. No unplugging tvs because then the dvrs wont record and tv and internet are all of our entertainment for the most part. So that extra money every month is worth it to us. I made dh unplug the pool heater this summer and the kids thought they were in a 3rd world country. They were soooooooo spoiled. Now they dont expect the pool to be heated and it wont be either at the rate we pay for electricity. I mean if its hot enough to swim they dont need hot water to do it in anyways. So I guess what I am trying to say is you are not alone. Somedays I feel like a total fraud in here. I am TRYING really hard though and that counts!

**zakity** · 08-03-2009, 06:21 PM

Just use what works for you and don't worry about the rest.

Yeah that....

Put your homemade detergent in your old container and I bet he would never know.

Have your kids fill the dishwasher but not run it like someone else suggested. My guys are 13, 11, and 11 and I still check it over before they run it. I show them what I change so that they will learn to fill it correctly eventually. But, you know, they are learning. Doing dishes are an important skill for them to have growing up. Kudos to you on having them do dishes.

My husband has always snubbed using any thing else besides liquid "hand soap" as handsoap. His hand soap container had berry smelling hot pink soap in it. I found some berry smelling shampoo at the dollar store (32 oz bottle even). It was even close to the color of his old stuff. I kept refilling his bottle with the dollar store shampoo. One day, he caught me refilling it and said something. I was like, "you have been using this stuff for over a year and didn't have a problem with it." He never said another word.

I have learned that sometimes, to be frugal, you have to be sneaky. And, as someone else said, baby steps. Work it into your life little by little.

Also, being frugal has a green side to it also. If the frugal part doesn't work, I work it in through the "being green" side of things.

**WV_mom_of2** · 08-03-2009, 07:55 PM

I agree with everyone else! Do what you can and remember that every little thing you do is helping. Three loads on the line is three loads you didn't dry in the dryer.

Dh doesn't have to know what you are doing to save money. Just do what you want and don't tell him. What he doesn't know about, he can't complain about! HUGS!

**bumplett** · 08-03-2009, 09:09 PM

I do well with many of the challenges. Don't let that deter you, just try a different challenge, or make your own.

I offer this suggestion with no intention of insult, and it's only my opinion, but maybe you could simply not let the 3 yr old run around with food? It's not safe, and it makes for unhealthy habits later on - not to mention the mess. (again, that's just my opinion)

what about coupons? Is this an area that you can share savings with hubby? Maybe that would get him a little excited??

you can also keep a journel for yourself, so you can see the things you've tried and what's worked and hasn't worked.

I read the Tighwad Gazette again and again - gets me motivated every time I'm feeling like jumping from the wagon!

good luck! You can do it!

**Persimmon Lace** · 08-03-2009, 09:18 PM

Not knowing how old the kids are but this is what I would do with them concerning chores.

They are either done the way they are supposed to be done or they are either, grounded, placed in timeout, made to do it over, have a belonging removed until they got the point or their allowances are docked.

As for dh, whenever mine has said anything about something I was doing like that, my response has always been, "if I'm the one doing it, why is it a problem", that would give him the opportunity to either say "I worry that you are too tired, etc" or "I don't see the point". If it's "I don't see the point", I would reiterate that it was something I liked doing. Repeat as necessary!

I've been married 37 years, sometimes children and dh's must be taught these things! You belong here, don't let them get you down!

**FrugalMomof3** · 08-03-2009, 09:42 PM

Of course you belong here! What I am thinking is that if YOU are doing your contribution than that is what matters and remember every little bit helps.

I had to in the beginning turn off the lights behind everyone, check the dishwasher, laundry etc... eventually I told everyone that I need EVERYONE in on this and after a while (and alot of yelling) they finally caught on. Now dont get me wrong, we all slip once in a while but as long as I am trying I feel better.

Keep your head up!

**Jamielane** · 08-03-2009, 11:19 PM

Also you know what happened to me ther other day that felt like a total victory? My youngest dd came in the bathroom to tell me something while I wa sint he bath and when she left she turned off the lights. I said "hey I am in here". She said "sorry Mom , force of habit". SCORE!!!

**bonnotsm9** · 08-03-2009, 11:30 PM

Hang in there. You have a lot of kids close together. My 1st and 5th children are almost exactly 7 years apart. Let me tell you, I was TIRED that whole pregnancy. It's just hard to keep up with 4 kids when your pregnant. My 3 year old at the time had a habit of taking a box of vanilla wafers out of the pantry, taking exactly one bite out of a cookie, setting it on the table, then doing the same with another cookie. I'd find 10 or 12 cookies lined up on the table (or wherever he'd gone to eat them) with one bite taken out of each. Such a waste. Kids will do things like that.

I probably wouldn't stress about running the vaccuum often. It doesn't use much electricity. The dishwasher and laundry are probably bigger energy wasters, but it's the heat in the drier that sucks up electricity. Running it on air dry really isn't wasting as much electricity as you'd susect. Annoying, yes, super expensive, probably not.