My inlaws...

**Nishu** · 08-04-2009, 07:04 AM

I need to discuss this.

My inlaws called tonight and talked to my husband. They said they wanted to take my two oldest two Disney Land (or world, whatever is in Calif) next year, in maybe March or April. My kids will be 6 and 8 by then.

There is absolutely, positively, no way that they are going.

Reasons:

I kind of like my kids. Honestly I don't want them gone for the amount of time that it would take to go to DL.

FIL makes me a little nervous. Don't know why. Just does.

March/April is still in the school year. We're homeschoolers but we still need to maintain some structure.

I hate Disney land and everything it represents. It wouldn't bother me in the slightest if that's one childhood memory my kids have to do without.

I don't think they can really afford going to Disney land anyway. It feels icky putting that kind of judgment on someone but there it is just the same. DH says it's not that expensive when you live there... which makes sense except for the fact that they don't. When I remind DH of this, he says they'd probably stay with FIL's brother who lives in the area. I told him in not so many words that he's trippin' if he thinks I'm going to send my kids to stay with some dude I don't even know.

"He's my uncle," he says.

"Point noted," says I. They're still not going.

I'm not looking for anyone to tell me whether or not I'm doing the right thing. I mean, 50 people can come into this thread and tell me to lighten up and I'd still say no. I'm not even giving my husband any input in the matter as you can see, which is not my usual modus operandi.

I have not had a chance to tell my inlaws No yet. DH didn't exactly tell them yes, but I did hear him say that the kids would love it.

I'm trying to figure out how to break it to them. =/

Thanks for reading. I'm just stressin' a bit over this.

**Lora88** · 08-04-2009, 07:24 AM

Im with you if your gut is saying dont let them go then follow it Men tend to worry less than woman but if you feel this strongly about it stick to your guns. Your right the kids can live without going to disney

**Karen1** · 08-04-2009, 07:40 AM

I would let them go....but that is with my family!!

Too bad you feel your inlaws can not handle your kids and take proper care of them. I assume your DH was raised up OK? not judging at all but for me, if you have legit concerns, then you should not feel bad about saying no.

You don't need to justify your decision to anyone but your DH in a way. Just make him understand why and you should be able to just forget this and move forward.

But in my family, I would let my kid go in a heartbeat. I personally don't like amusement parks but I would let my daughter have the experience cause you are only a kid once and that type of trip with the grandparents would be too hard for me to say no. She could go anytime and have great memories of it also. but again, that is my situation, you do what you feel is right for your home!

**NewLeaf** · 08-04-2009, 07:52 AM

I say follow your gut. If I felt that way I would not let my kids go unless me or dh went too. Is that an option? I would be worried about alot of things. I just feel more comfortable being with my children when they are in such a crowded busy place and far from home.

Good luck explaining to your inlaws - you could just let your husband explain on your behalf.

**2ndGenGranola** · 08-04-2009, 08:18 AM

Go with your gut! Who cares if it is family?! Your gut says no.

Go to the library and check out the book "Protecting the Gift" then embrace the fact that you were giving that gut feeling and rejoice that it is working. You do not need to explain anything to anyone...period.

**dmarie** · 08-04-2009, 08:36 AM

I say if your gut says fil something not right then go with that but also feel lucky your inlaws want to do something with the kids. My il's live less then a mile from us and my boys see them when they feel like it they are 12 and 10 and never spent the night or afternoon alone with them. Kind of sad

**Grainlady** · 08-04-2009, 08:52 AM

I'd go with your gut instincts and wouldn't let them go - especially if this is a long trip by car or plane. I'd be concerned about the possibility of H1N1 (Swine) flu at that time of the year as well.

Psychologically speaking, around 9-years of age children often go through a fearful stage in their development - where things like storms, or absence from home and family can cause them a lot of distress. That might not go over well with the grandparents and make the trip a nightmare.

**Siebrie** · 08-04-2009, 09:16 AM

I think 6 and 8 is very young to be that far away for such a long time with people they don't know well. I mean, how often do they actually see their grandparents or spend the night there?

BTW: I totally agree on the aversion to the 'Disney experience'. I've been to the European Disney and, boy, is it way worse than most other parks I've been too.

**rsbs** · 08-04-2009, 10:15 AM

why don't you suggest an alternative adventure for them - closer to you & for a shorter period of time? Maybe even one you & DH can participate in as well?
I'm a proud, over-protective mother. I didn't even let MY parents take my DD to Disney without me. That said, I didn't have the issues with Disney, so I went along to. I did compromise & let them have one day with DD on their own.
And how to tell them? I'm blunt. I say "look. I'm a super over-protective mom. I want you to have special times with [the kids] but I'm just not comfortable with this. Why don't you do [X,Y, Z] instead?"

**Mummy2** · 08-04-2009, 10:40 AM

Follow your gut, you will thank your gut later.
Its our job as a mother to be protective, end of story!

**danni** · 08-04-2009, 10:54 AM

I'm not a over-protective parent at all, but I also follow my gut feelings. We have to trust ourselves enough to make big decisions for our little people. If you feel that strongly about it there must be a reason. I would explain to dh, just so he understands, but you don't owe anyone else an explanation.

**geckoace** · 08-04-2009, 12:28 PM

my ILs tried to take my then 4 yr old to Miami for a week MIL just bought a plane ticket without asking me! then acted all hurt when i told her he couldnt go... first of all she does not respect my wishes and second of all my ILs family, not my fav

so i agree with you, they are your kids and thats really all that matters

**Nishu** · 08-04-2009, 12:39 PM

Originally Posted by Karen1

I would let them go....but that is with my family!!

Too bad you feel your inlaws can not handle your kids and take proper care of them. I assume your DH was raised up OK? not judging at all but for me, if you have legit concerns, then you should not feel bad about saying no.

Well, this is his father and step mother, and he was raised mainly by his mother several states away. He saw his dad for a couple weeks a year, if I remember correctly. My husband trusts them and I suppose he would know better. My girls see these grandparents once a year and when they are around I have to admit they do okay.

Thank you all for the advice. It never even occurred to me to suggest an alternative.

**Thevail** · 08-05-2009, 02:03 AM

Follow your gut instinct, and I'd just suggest doing something that's fun for EVERYONE, the grampies, the kids, and you and your DH.. honestly tell them maybe you'll fell different when the kids are older. Who knows, you might not have the same reaction when they're teen-agers.