Need parenting advice please.
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  1. #1
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    Default Need parenting advice please.

    My dd is 11.5 and she has been driving me crazy about wanting contacts. She has been wearing glasses for an astigmatism since she was 4. I intially said no because I don't feel she is responsible enough. However, she is starting middle school this year and she is very self conscience about her glasses to the point of not wearing them. What should I do? Should I give in and let her try them. She might find out that they aren't the most comfortable things or she might love them. I don't want to cave and go against my decision but I also don't want her to feel bad about her appearance. I don't want to mess with her self asteem. I am really on the fence with this one. Any advice or experiences you can share would really be welcome. Thanks so much.

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    Registered User frugalwarrior's Avatar
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    First, how responsible is she about hygiene. Contacts need to be clean. You are messing w/ your eyes. If she is a very resposible kid I may let her try it. My friend let her kids go try them on and they were so uncomfortable to her she opted iout. This may take care of the arguement.
    Second,could she get cooler glasses. Glasses are a fashion statement. She is probably more anxious about school than anything.

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    Registered User Karen1's Avatar
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    If she wants them that bad, give them to her. She is old enough to take care of contacts. I am sure she will love them and you are allowing her to move forward with something that is important to her.

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    Registered User ahmom's Avatar
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    My DD was in 7th grade when she first started wearing contacts. She took care of them. She graduated from school and went back to glasses.
    My other DD started wearing contacts at 16 y/o. She has bad eyes. Her glasses look like pop bottle bottoms. I remember all of the kids laughing at a boy that pop bottle glasses when I was in school. Some people are awful. I had no second thoughts when my second DD wanted contacts.
    Give her a chance, to prove she's growing up.

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    Registered User Neeley's Avatar
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    I remember junior high/middle school and how hard it was. I would do any phase of my life over in a second, except sixth to ninth grades. Fitting in was vital to survival. Feeling good in my own skin sure made it a little easier for me when things weren't going smoothly with my friends, piers, or whatever. Girls especially can be so mean to other girls in junior high. With all of those raging hormones, each wanting to be the queen bee, all eyes on the same boy, you're not a little girl but not a "big" girl either...ughhh - junior high/middle school can be rough and real confusing. I am thankful my mom and dad did everything they could to make that transitional period of my life as painless as they could.

    Based on my personal views on the junior high/middle school years, I would allow my daughter to give contacts a try.

    I would have a long talk with her about how important it is to clean contacts, not to sleep in them, and do absolutely everything her ophthalmologist tells her to. Also, I would google pictures and articles on what happens when you leave them in to sleep and they get stuck to your eyes and let her see just how important proper care is.


    My mom has been an ophthalmic assistant for over 30 years and I cannot count the times she has come home to with stories of the damage done to the eyes of young people and adults who thought it was OK to sleep in their contacts or didn't clean them like they should. I have been in glasses since I was ten. She did not feel like I was responsible enough for contacts and was not allowed to get them until I proved myself to her.

    Many offices will give you a sample pair when you are fitted for the contacts. A sample pair normally lasts at least two weeks if they are cared for the right way. That amount of time should give you a good idea of how well she is going to care for her contacts and how serious she is about having them.

  6. #6
    Rude and Vile Master Greebo's Avatar
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    She's 11 and a half. That's old enough for her to start earning her own money.

    So ... if she wants them - why not make her earn them? Then if she loses them, she's lost HER money, and she'll learn a valuable lesson about money and property either way.
    If you could kick in the pants the person responsible for your problems, you wouldn't be able to sit for a month.

    Did you know that a 4 year student paying $20,000/year who finances their education graduates with over $103,000 in debt to start? But a student who works and pays cash and takes 6 years to graduate ends with $6,300 in their pocket! So much for "getting a head start by financing!"


    Greebo
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    WARNING: Y Chromosome behind the keyboard. Adjust your listening filters appropriately!

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    Registered User itsmyisland's Avatar
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    I started wearing contacts at 14. I say let her try them but make a point to sit her down and read the instructions and help (supervise) her for a while to develop good habits. And also let her know she will have to have a pair of glasses too for the times when she cannot wear the contacts for whatever reason.

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    Registered User frugalfranny's Avatar
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    I say go for it.

    One thought.......contacts will only correct certain kinds......and up to a certain point of astigmatism..........they may not be able to correct it anyway. If your insurance covers it.......give it a try. IF she CAN wear them......make her earn enough to buy at least one box.....depending on eyesight and type........usually somewhere under $50. Astig. contacts cost more. Also, in this area......the exam is more. You pay for the 'eye exam' then go to a 'contact lens specialist' for the contact exam.

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    Registered User mrsfoamy's Avatar
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    My daughter didn't get them until she was 13. Her eye Dr. said many Dr.s won't write the perscription for them until they are that age, or until they interview them and thinks it OK - be warned - contacts for astigmatism cost way more then just for ordinary near/far sightedness. and you usually have to buy to seperate boxes, people with astigmatism generally have different vision in each eye. This is when it pays to buy one of those "Entertainment Coupon Books". There's usually a 50% off coupon in it for them.

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    Registered User 2ndGenGranola's Avatar
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    I wore contacts for astigmatism (key word: wore - in the past). They were a royal pain especially when you were trying to read or read then look up and focus on something like a teacher. If she is into books or computers, I would try to discourage her. If she is active and interested in sports, I would let her get them - she will still need to have backup glasses and could use them for homework.

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    Registered User ncarr's Avatar
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    I would let her try it. As a middle school teacher I know how cruel kids can be. if she is willing to be responsible and take care of them I think it's worth a shot.

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    DS started wearing glasses in 3rd grade and hated it. Lost and broke A LOT of them.

    He asked for contacts in junior high and after talking to the DR, I agreed. DS was very responsible with them and I attended all the "how to install and maintain them" lessons. Never had any problem with them / him. He had soft contacts that had to be replaced monthly and he always paid for them out of his allowance. Never lost them or kept them in too long. I bought the "meds" for them as most of the time I watched the ads and used coupons.

    In high school, one morning, he accidentally put COLD SORE MEDICINE in his eye ilo his regular lube (my bad - he rarely gets cold sore and I often do). They come in the VERY SAME SIZED BOTTLES! He crossed six lanes of rush hour traffic to catch the city bus to school and when he got there, was violently ill. . . .and scared . . . and in pain.

    Long story short - he's never worn contacts or glasses since. He gets regular check ups and his eye sight is damn near perfect (20/40).

    Let your DD get contacts. Talk to her DR and attend the training so you both know what you're dealing with. DON'T store cold sore medicine in the same bathroom if possible! Sheesh - that was a painful lesson!

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    Registered User never2late's Avatar
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    Both of my DDs have an astigmatism and they both wear contacts. The lenses are little more pricey because they have to be weighted lenses (each time they blink, the contact will spin but then readjusts). I just recently started ordering their lenses through visiondirect.com. They are a whole lot cheaper than through the optometrists office. But you really won't know until you take her just how much it will be. There are disposables lenses (which I have) that you only wear one day and then toss. The lenses my daughters have are meant to be worn about 2 weeks and then get tossed. Contacts have come a long way since I got my first ones 25+ years ago!

    I agree by starting out with the trial pair. You can give it a couple of days before you decide whether or not to order. I was the one pushing my youngest DD to get contacts. She was EXTREMELY active in sports and her glasses were constantly laying on the basketball court and needed readjusting at least every other week. I took her to get the contacts, but she had A LOT of trouble getting them in and didn't wear them. About 6 months later, soccer season started and she spent her entire first game pushing her glasses back up her nose. She came home, locked herself in the bathroom for over an hour and came out with her contacts in. She's been wearing them ever since.

    I think if it means that much to her, she may just surprise you at how responsible she can be.

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    Registered User MomToTwoBoys's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Greebo View Post
    She's 11 and a half. That's old enough for her to start earning her own money.

    So ... if she wants them - why not make her earn them? Then if she loses them, she's lost HER money, and she'll learn a valuable lesson about money and property either way.
    I totally agree with Greebo. Contacts are not frugal by any means, and if she feels she's responsible enough to have them then I would tell her she'd have to find a way to pay for them.

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    Registered User Texasgirl's Avatar
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    Can you ask your eye Dr. about giving her a trial pair to see how she does with them?
    Tell him not the extended wear but a pair that she will have to take out nightly and clean.

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