Im furious so is hubby

[Nana2two]

My husbands family is a Joke. You all know my stepdaughter is a drama queen. Well this morning i went down stairs to get coffee. The girls were in the kichen. I said to Miss drama, Oh is the that shirt and jeans we bought you? She said No, im like Oh where did u get those from? She said her aunt bought them for her I said oh really . Mind u she is a poor poor me girl, please feel sorry for me. So i said so where is your sisters birthday presents? Her birthday was a month ago, miss dramas bday is not till the end of Sept.She says i don't know, she said Aunt so and so, asked me what i wanted for my bday and i told her i needed clothes that i dont have any. IM like why in the hell did u tell her that when we just went and got you 4 new shirts and 3 pairs of Jeans. See the family does not like me, because i won't fall into the pity part trap with her, she has the family believeing that she does nothing wrong and she is miss goody toshoes. She does get great grades ect but she wants all the attention.So the youngest SD age 14 said oh dont worry about it mom i don't like all that attention anyway. I said good, its better that you dont. These girls call me mom there mother walked out 12 years ago and only lives 20 minutes away and never has she once seen them. I have bent over backwards for these girls. The family feels so sorry for them that its unhealthy. I dont play into the pitty party crap.Th youngest said she wans nothing from them. Of course its my fault that i dont buy into all of this crap.Hubby feels they can kiss is a@@ Sorry about the venting. What a great day to start off.

[MaryCarney]

What a gem the younger one is, and how lucky they BOTH are to have a step-mom like you!!!

My advice (from being raised in a family where extreme favoritism was shown to certain 'chosen ones')???? Just smile and play nice with the older one!
Who cares what the extended family does, thinks or says??

I KNOW it hurts, but you cannot change other people's behavior, you can only control yourself and how you react. You are making YOURSELF miserable, and life's too short for that!!

I made peace with it a long time ago by promising myself, and my kids, that I would never do that to them or their future children.

[Nana2two]

Thank you. Just makes me so darn upset, Step daughter will be 18 next month, Her dad already said she has to find a job and get her own place. I feel so guilty having such a harsh and nasty feeling towards her. But she makes me feel this way.She has been in counsling and even the counsler said she was very into herself. I think what pisses me off the most is the fact we just went out and bought he clothes and she said she need clothes because she didnt have any. She makes it sound like we are these mean and abbusive parents and we don't provide for her. Which we do, she just doesnt get clothing on a monthly basis. She has told the family we wont help her with college, UMMM she will 18 a adult and we told her finaces were very tight and will continue for awhile. Some telemarketing place called her last week and told her she had been given awards of $12,000 a year for college, but yet she has never applied for college. She believed them, so told everyone that she got the awards. We got the letter in the mail, i read it and said she COULD quilify for up tp $12,000 in grants after applying for finacial aid. She wants to sign the ok waiver for them to grant these to her. We told her NO. Since she is 17 we are still leagley required to take care of her. When she turns 18 she can sign away which i did mention to her that it was a bad idea. She wants our wages and Social security numbers so she can file for Student aid, she just started 12 grade. She can't apply till January. Then she will 18. We did find out since my husband only has Guardianship, she can get full tution payed for.Since her bio mom lied and said my husband was not her father, the court could not grant sole custody to my husband only guardianship.We have treated her like a daughter, but she is just so different ,looks,personality,behavior. I have tried so hard. This morning i have thrown in the towel with her. Im done, she has chose to have the pity party with her grandma and her aunts and make us out be so cruel. WHY??? becuase she doesnt have all the stuff that these kids have. Like a brand new mustang setting in the driveway,hightech cell phone,no limit on spending, ON and ON .Sorry i had to vent somemore.

[cab54]

Well, the good thing is, she will be out on her own, and buying her own clothes (and everything else) soon.

The rest of the family, just ignore them. When she comes to them after she's 18, with her sob stories and drama, they will begin to get the picture. Eventually.

[mauimagic]

rough times on top on rough times. ride it out if you can. She has needed you through all of this although she would never admit it. Please reread MC's post - I'm going to print it out myself for those things I cannot change. Take care.

[Nana2two]

Im over the drama this morning. I just felt so bad for the youngest. It just wasnt fare. But she is a non drama girl, she does not like attention brought on her. she never wants a bday party. Just going out to dinner and taking a friend along is fun for her.We do have to ride her butt more about school work and getting things done.The other one we never worry about her grades because she always does very very well. Ok well i need to get somethings done, already been on the phone with the mayor about the cat issue. you all know about that problem,my neibor had 7 cats and a dog. she through them all outside to fumigate her house for a major flea issue. GUESS WHAT. I found 2 fleas on our dog. So we have to spray our yard and get daisy treated for fleas. We have no animal control, we are a small town. So i called the mayor, said hey somthing needs to be done.

[frugalfranny]

but you cannot change other people's behavior, you can only control yourself and how you react.

I TOTALLY AGREE........this is right on target!

[Nana2two]

Thank you everyone. I had a talk with her today after school. I told her that things need to change,if she plans on staying here after she turns 18. I told her what wanted from her and things i don't like, but also told her that i proud that she gets good grades and she a heart gold. But she needs to stop playing the pitty party please feel sorry for becuase my bio mom left.I asked her what she like and disliked about me. LIKES= i loved her, i have taught her things on how to be a young lady. DISLIKES= I make her clean her room and take out the trash everyday. (only chores) i said no to buying a car at this moment.(she has no license yet) i favor her sister and buy her more stuff. ( NO her sister also babysits and makes money at age 14 and she has money to buy things with) She wont babysit, no place is hiring. So that was the end. She said whatever and i said OK.

[Missourimom]

Oh Nana....you have no idea how I can relate to you on this on SO many levels. Hang in there, she'll be out on her own soon and then you can live a peaceful life.

[shubh]

I agree with MaryCarney’s view that you can't change the views and behaviors of others living apart from you. Concentrate more upon behavior and try to attract and impress that girl with your opinions, friendly behavior.