Ungrateful Child...

**CrazyHomemaker** · 09-10-2009, 06:34 AM

I have a question I hope you all can give your opinion on. This is going to be a bit long so you know what I've gone through. Sorry.

A relative has 2 children who are supposed to be brought up right, in church and with 'self esteem'. These children, from the time we moved here (they were 2 and 4), were unruly, rude and irritating (slapped us, spit at us, kicked us, etc.). Every holiday...no...every time we came through the door of their house, they asked 'what did you bring me?' This went on until the oldest was about 14 years old. The one parent, when they were at our house, always sat down with a plate of food and let everyone else tend to their children. The kids would get into anything and everything, so I had to watch to make sure they didn't annoy the pets (always) or hurt themselves. I told DH to keep a watch, too, in case they escaped my eyesight. We're a great team on that!

Anyhow, the eldest (girl) grew up to be relatively (no pun intended) pretty and with LARGE endowments, if you know what I mean. She dressed provocatively and had a flirtatious and sassy mouth around everyone, including my parents. She is now 'in trouble' and recently got married in a small ceremony with mainly mama's side of the family present...not ours, which is daddy's. DH and I are Great-aunt and Great-uncle to these kids, so we were put off a bit. We heard 'through the grapevine' that all of these events were taking place...read...no one from the immediate family had guts to tell us anything about it.

A month ago, I received an invitation to something at a church for the neice, but the invitation didn't state what it was for. I didn't go because I just got back from my father's funeral and the event was the following day.

Yesterday, I received another invitation for her baby shower. A little card inside stated she was registered at a top-end store for baby items.

My dilemma is...I don't feel comfortable going to this event. DH knows that it will upset me and understands. However, we've discussed this and I'll be going to 'keep peace' in the family. I am not spending loads on this child because she has always been ungrateful for anything we've gotten her (i.e., thank-yous were always prompted, never a note for graduation gift or anything). I told DH I'm going to the dollar store and making her a gift basket. I know I'll get nice stuff there (Bugle Boy, Fisher Price, Carter's, etc.), so I won't feel I didn't get her nice stuff.

What would all of you do in this situation? I just feel like screaming!

**Trishagirl** · 09-10-2009, 06:46 AM

I would do what you would do make her a gift from the dollar store. If that's what you feel is right then by all means do it. If she feels slighted then that's her opinion.

**Lora88** · 09-10-2009, 06:48 AM

I have gone to many family celebrations to keep the peace and I wa always sorry afterward. I no longer do it I have learned to trust my gut about what I feel is right or wrong for me to do. If you feel you should go by all means go. but I would simply go to the bank and buy a savings bond for the child 50.00 bonds are 25.00 dollars and let it go at that. Part of inner peace I have found is avoiding people who upset us. There are situations in life in which we are obligated to attend functions I do not believe a baby shower is one of them If you do go try to enjoy

**2ndGenGranola** · 09-10-2009, 07:50 AM

I don't go to keep the peace either. I've found that is doesn't keep the peace and someone is always ready to bring up something. I love the idea of the savings bond. That will keep the Mom's hands off of it (hopefully) and be something truly for the baby.

**Rebookie** · 09-10-2009, 07:57 AM

I think you should be po'ed at the parents.. Kids don't come in this world knowing how to be disrespectful.. They learn it. They've made their kids entitled little buttholes, who don't make good decisions in life. I would go to show support of this kid, who needs role models who aren't fools.

=D

**savvy_sniper** · 09-10-2009, 08:00 AM

I wouldn't go, BUT I would send her a book on manners!

**Holly** · 09-10-2009, 08:38 AM

I don't go to stuff either to keep peace in the family.
Thats their issues not mine.
I vote don't go

**WV_mom_of2** · 09-10-2009, 09:42 AM

I would send a small gift and NOT go myself.

**miss_thrifty** · 09-10-2009, 09:42 AM

I wouldnt go and if u want send a gift go ahead> but dont put yourself out for them since they dont appreciate anything it sounds like.
I've been in your shoes and felt out place alot of times , just to keep the peace. I;ve stopped that now.
U have to do what u think is right and how u feel. trust your instincts dear.

**IndigoMom** · 09-10-2009, 10:02 AM

Originally Posted by WV_mom_of2

I would send a small gift and NOT go myself.

Exactly what I would do. I personally would see the invitation as more of a request for a gift than any thing else. That's what I would send.

**wwe11** · 09-10-2009, 10:10 AM

I would send a card and don't go.

**NewLeaf** · 09-10-2009, 10:14 AM

I say go if you want to, you can even drop your gift, wish her well and leave early (make an excuse). As for the gift I would give diapers and wipes. And if you have any baby item coupons I would give those as well. She will need those items the most. Alot of baby showers feature a coupon basket where everyone is asked to bring baby item coupons.

I was faced w/a shower recently . It was for my very spoiled self centered neice (dh side). Her mom, my sil, hadn't been very nice to us recently. But I showed up anyway - I figured the baby deserved a good start in life even if the mommy needed to grow up. Also, I didn't want to give them any cause to hold a grudge. (I might be getting over the going to prevent a grudge now as other things have happened.)

I gave my neice a big gift bag full of nice dollar store baby essentials and diapers. I doubt they were ever used on Her baby as they always buy the most high end stuff. They have even turned down hand me downs (nice things) and used toys (classics)......Oh well.

**shoiji** · 09-10-2009, 10:29 AM

I would just send a gift and not go. The bond sounds great since it would only be for the child.

**Jeanna** · 09-10-2009, 11:15 AM

Originally Posted by WV_mom_of2

I would send a small gift and NOT go myself.

This is what I would do. Because if truth be told, even if you went it sounds like the gift would be all that mattered to her and then she probably wouldn't appreciate it anyhow and you would just get your feelings hurt. By sending a gift you have done your part and the rest is up to her.
I know personally where you are coming from.

**Greebo** · 09-10-2009, 11:38 AM

Don't go. Don't send a gift. This kid has been spoiled and you giving her one more gift that will be unappreciated won't do a dang bit of good for the baby.