Kinda Hurt. (Vent)

**Kerjack** · 09-23-2009, 08:58 PM

I know they may come off as me being a whiney brat but I just want to get it off my chest.

My boyfriend is purposely ignoring me today.

He talked to me a little this morning, but after a certain point he'd just not respond. (I'm away in a different town so I was texting him)

I got one message from him just asking for a friends number, leaving a couple of previous texts unanswered. I was a little upset. When I asked if he was purposely ignoring me all he replied was "Yep".

Granted he does have some stuff going on, Like todays the anniversary of his cousins death. (Which I forgot about until a common friend brought it up) So yes I feel bad about making a stink about him not talking to me. But after he said he was ignoring me I stopped trying to text him and didn't make a scene.

Arrrggg. Now as I'm writing this I feel like an idiot and selfish. I can't believe I forgot about it. But it still doesn't help the fact that I feel hurt, mostly that instead of coming to me for support he ignores me and went and drank with his friends...

Just basically kinda hurt, and don't feel like I should feel like this. *sigh*

Please read before responding..

-I do realize I may have posted this in the wrong section. I'm sorry, please advise me of where to post.
-I know I am sounding like a preteen with a stupid issue, I am so so sorry. I just didn't know where to turn to to get it off my chest.

Thanks.
Once again I'm sorry.

**skw6559** · 09-23-2009, 09:11 PM

People deal differently with grief. I would not take it personally unless he continues to ignore you. I'm sorry that you are going through this and I am sending happy thoughts to you.

I also wanted to add that my husband goes through a stage like this every year on the anniversary of his younger brother's death. He just shuts us all out for a couple of days and then things go back to normal.

QM · 09-23-2009, 09:18 PM

I'm sorry you're having a bad day. Like the pp stated, all people deal with death/grieving differently. Perhaps it has to do with his cousin's death, maybe it doesn't. Give him a little time to give him some breathing space. Sounds like you're doing what you can from your end.

**Minner77** · 09-23-2009, 09:19 PM

No words of wisdom for you, Kerjack -- sure wish I had some. While your BF may be suffering himself, that doesn't mean you're selfish for being wounded by his treatment of you. Hurt feelings are hurt feelings. It might mean (I am no psychologist, just someone's who's been married 21 years) that you cut a little slack if this is an anniversary thing, as skw6559 is alluding to. Sounds as though that's what you're doing.

**Jamauk** · 09-23-2009, 09:23 PM

I'm sorry you are going through this. It sounds like he just wants to grieve alone (and maybe a little hurt that you didn't remember what today was?)

Could you possibly pick up an "I'm thinking of you card" and just write a little note in it that you are here for him, and that you love him?

**Kerjack** · 09-23-2009, 09:23 PM

Thanks guys.

I'm trying to give him his space. I guess it just threw me off cause he's never really just ingored me before, and last year on this day he didn't do this.

I really should know better, he never talks about his cousin's death to me ever. He just clams up and shuts down when anyone even mentions him.

Now I just feel like an idiot.

**Debbie-cat** · 09-23-2009, 09:25 PM

My hubby gets the same way on the anniversary of his Mother's and Sister's death. They happened in the same year. Try to give him a little lee way and hopefully things will be better tomorrow. They say time heals all wounds but when it comes to the death of a close one...I don't think it does.

**Thevail** · 09-23-2009, 09:30 PM

Guys are kinda like that when they're sad.

On a completely different note, especially if I'm upset or really busy. People texting me over and over if I don't answer the first one... makes me NUTS!
Then I just won't answer at all.

**Kerjack** · 09-23-2009, 09:35 PM

Originally Posted by Thevail

Guys are kinda like that when they're sad.

On a completely different note, especially if I'm upset or really busy. People texting me over and over if I don't answer the first one... makes me NUTS!
Then I just won't answer at all.

I had only sent 2 texts before asking if he was ignoring me, and they were an hour or two apart. But I completely understand that, I really do. Thats why I'm feeling like a complete idiot right now.

**madhen** · 09-23-2009, 09:59 PM

I am sure he will understand. When he feels like talking again, that is the time to just tell him directly and honestly that you are sorry you forgot the date, and that you didn't mean to overload him. Then give him a kiss and move on. He loves you. He will forgive you. I would just chalk it up as a learning experience.

**Thevail** · 09-23-2009, 10:56 PM

Originally Posted by Kerjack

I had only sent 2 texts before asking if he was ignoring me, and they were an hour or two apart. But I completely understand that, I really do. Thats why I'm feeling like a complete idiot right now.

Just think of it this way.. if this is the worst misunderstanding you guys have.. you're GOLDEN!!

Just wait until you have kids.. seriously. It's minor. He was sulky, and you felt hurt. That's going to happen all the time when you actually live together. The good news is that 10 years later.. you'll just roll your eyes and move on.

I wonder if part of it wasn't that he would really have liked to have had you there with him today.

**Kerjack** · 09-23-2009, 11:49 PM

Just for an update I got a text from him tonight saying;

"Babe you do know that I care very much for you right? You are really the only special thing that I got"

Thank you for everything!

Sorry about being whiney though.

**Holding Pattern** · 09-24-2009, 09:58 AM

sounds like it was grief. guys are strange like that, I should know...

**Libby** · 09-24-2009, 07:10 PM

Feelings are still feelings and if they're hurt, then they're hurt. There's no excuse for hurting one another either. We all do it unintentionally and fail to see how we can (and sometimes do) take others for granted. Some people just aren't able to vocalize their feelings as well as others.

I'm glad things worked out for you