? and ? and Rock and Roll? (Worried)

**Minner77** · 09-23-2009, 09:50 PM

I am beyond worried. Tonight -- in the wee hours -- my 20-yr old son leaves on a 3 week tour with his heavy metal band. They'll be driving, hauling a trailer with lots of heavy, expensive musical equipment, all over the West (CO, NV, OR, WA, SD). They'll do 1100 miles in 18 hours (the geniuses) to make 2 shows.

We've talked and talked to him about responsibility, speeding, partying, legal issues, etc. etc. There are five of them, the oldest 23. We've told him to be prepared to bail out should things go out, be strong enough to give us a call.

He'll be sleeping in the van, probably not eating (they already had one 2-day trip -- ate 2 meals in 2 days) showering at truckstops, doing laundry finally when they get to OR. He has little money, but still more than most, and how does that situation play itself out? .... AARRGGHHHH.... I am only skimming details because you'd be bored out of your skulls if I poured it all out.

He dropped out of college (he would be a junior in accounting now) to follow this dream. Guitar is his passion, and he's very good. He's a sweet kid with a kind heart but I just hate this path he's chosen. He's not shown himself able to make good choices, and he's terrible at managing money.

Just needed to let it out.
Thanks, everyone.
~M

**Debbie-cat** · 09-23-2009, 09:53 PM

I can understand why you are worried...but the key words you said were...

He's a sweet kid with a kind heart. Have faith that you raised him well. He will do better, come a bad situation, than you probably think he will. Stay strong.

**3tomboys** · 09-23-2009, 10:02 PM

I can understand your reservations. My 18 year old dd moved out last month. It worried me sick thinking of everything that could go wrong, but she has proven me wrong so far. It has been a great effort to give her the space she needs to grow and experiance and learn. Your son will suprise you in ways you won't believe. When I start to get to the point of wanting to pick up the phone and call (for the 2nd or 3rd time) I remember that I have raised her to be a responsible adult and to make good choices. Be thankful that your son is open with you and lets you know what is going on. You have let him know that you are a phone call away if he needs you. I feel that is always the hardest on us parents to let them go, but it is one of the bests gifts we can give them. Hang in there!!

**Sassyclass** · 09-23-2009, 10:22 PM

I'm married to a Heavy Metal musician. Sending prayers and hugs. It's hard to let them go no matter what path they choose, but like Debbie said, have faith that what you taught him will stick with him. It sounds like they have a full schedule which may work to keep them busy and have less time to find any kind of trouble. It is by no means an easy life or an easy way to make a living. I wish them luck and success.

Cat

**Thevail** · 09-23-2009, 10:39 PM

Take heart from the fact that these days bankers and executives are the ones more likely to be doing lines of stuff off of a naked hooker than heavy metal musicians.

**Minner77** · 09-23-2009, 11:43 PM

Thanks, you wonderful people, for the reminders to have faith.

I know that being into heavy metal doesn't automatically make one a bad person -- I sure hope I didn't offend! My son's "path" has included already a couple of underage drinking citations, the second coming with losing his license for two months and a 10 day suspended jail sentence. I am terrified he's going to get to partying on this trip, since I know for a fact the people he hangs out with are really into this. One of the band members on the trip -- who is all of 17 (!) (and his parents have approved the trip) -- has a number of minors (as underage drinking citations are called).

His "path" has also included wild spending (of money he doesn't have, as proved by numerous bank overdrafts) and a complete disregard for taking care of any of his responsibilities. He shows no common sense. (Okay, as I type this -- I realize he's 20. I was somewhere else, an "old" person, at 20 -- he's not me, I guess, huh? But I digress.)

It just scares me that he's on the road with other irresponsible (although nice) people in atmospheres conducive to trouble, either of the partying or the practical (car breakdown, hunger, getting lost) variety. (I am a champion worrier!

)

Now! Back to the.... we raised him well, he's a good kid, mantra.

Again, thanks.

**Holding Pattern** · 09-24-2009, 09:44 AM

Where in CO? We might be able to give a progress report, lol. We love new music.

**Minner77** · 09-25-2009, 02:27 PM

That would be so cool, Holding pattern! They're playing in Denver on Sunday. I could PM you with details if you like.

**momof42003** · 09-25-2009, 10:07 PM

Where will they be in Oregon?? If it is close, he can "check in" with me, and I can let ya know how he is doing....

**AmyBoz** · 09-25-2009, 10:10 PM

to you. I have no advice and I know I'd be

as well. I'm sure you've raised him well and when it really counts, he'll make the right decisions.

**Minner77** · 09-26-2009, 05:41 PM

Thanks, momof42003! I have to find out from him where they're playing in OR. I sure appreciate the offer.,.. might just take you up on it! (I try not to be a helicopter mom, I really, really do, but it's harrrddd, I don't care how old they are!)

Thanks, too, amyboz! We sure tried to raise him right. Made more than our share of mistakes, probably, but did our best. He is a good kid at heart, he truly is.

**Holding Pattern** · 09-27-2009, 07:58 PM

Originally Posted by Minner77

That would be so cool, Holding pattern! They're playing in Denver on Sunday. I could PM you with details if you like.

Wish I had re-read this post before today (Sunday) we were looking for something to do... (I assume you meant the 27th)

**Minner77** · 09-27-2009, 11:12 PM

HoldingPatter -- Me, too! That woulda'a been waayy cool!

They're probably playing right now. Tomorrow, Grand Junction!

~M

**Nana2two** · 09-29-2009, 12:42 AM

It's hard, my daughter is 24,moved out when she was 18. To this day she will not tell me when she will be out late. I asked her not to because she knows i will worry to death.We are close but i would rather not know, she will say going to dinner with friends,nothing more.