Vent

**carlitasway** · 09-25-2009, 10:07 PM

I love my husband dearly but he just doesn't get that we need to be in a better place financially. We live paycheck to paycheck and it's rough. We make more than enough money but we have been so bad with it. Both of us. We always talk about being better but it never happens. OUR goal was to have at least 1500 in the bank at all times. Obviously that isn't happening.

I know where our money goes and a lot of it is eating out. I'm doing my part to cut it down so we can put a chunk of money away. I thought he was on board. I mean he is for not eating out but now he wants to spend money on a car that doesn't even work. He is obsessed with cars. Did I mention we plan to move in July? We need to put a huge chunk of money away for that.

I want to go to school so badly to become a nurse but I need to pay off an old loan before I start a new one. I'm trying so hard to be responsible here and he just wants to spend chunks of money as soon as we get it. So now he's upset with me because I don't want him to get the car. He's been obsessed with this car for so long and I feel bad for telling him it's not a good idea but we need to start getting realistic if we want things to go the way we planned. I don't know what to do.

**AmyBoz** · 09-25-2009, 10:13 PM

I'm sorry you are going through this right now. There's nothing worse than feeling alone in pursuing a goal. Good luck to you!

**Debbie-cat** · 09-25-2009, 10:24 PM

Just wanted to say I am so sorry you have to worry about something like this alone when it would benefit both of you in the long run. Hugs.

**aprilrain1024** · 09-25-2009, 10:37 PM

(((Hugs))) to start! I totally understand what you are going thru. My DH has been a real stickler about our finances. He was a bachelor until he was 29 and NEVER had to pay rent, utilities, living expenses, etc., all he had was a car payment and insurance for less than a year and food. Needless to say, he ate out ALL the time because he doesn't know how to cook. He still managed to bring CC into our marriage, but I'm slowly getting that down. Some days he is really good about finances and then the next thing I know he is wanting a expensive item or to eat out AGAIN. I have been firm with him and I feel like the bad guy too, all the time. So I finally wrote up a DR type budgetand showed it to him. He now has a specific amount of blow money and he knows that when it's gone, that's it, there is no more. He was shocked when he saw how much money went to each bill and how much we had "blown" and how much of a waste that was because that could have been in savings. So I guess my advice is this. Right out a budget and show it to him, he may just not fully grasp how much money is being wasted. Good luck!

**Rosebush3** · 09-26-2009, 06:38 AM

You need a map to get where you want without getting lost. You need a budget, or you will never realize your destination. Track every cent, know just how much you are spending on eating out and other 'drains' to your income. Find the drains and plug what you can.
Perhaps getting it all out in black and white will help your husband see what there is to work with, and where it needs to go, and what -if any- is left to play with.
Along with the budget in black and white, get your goals down on paper. Compare the two and see how to use your budget to meet your goals. If it's not down on paper, it's abstract. Put your hubby's car rebuild down there too, I wouldn't say at the top though. His wants are important too and should be considered even if they can't be met at this time. Encourage him to find another way to get his car, there are certainly many routes to take - simply taking budget money away for the purpose of getting a car isn't the only way. Instead of a flat out 'no you can't have this', tell him 'this is what you want and what can you do to make it happen, this is what we have to work with'. He may come to the realization that it is a want that is better off put off until later on his own, which beats you having to tell him that. He may find a way to get it that doesn't negatively impact your budget and goals.

**Minner77** · 09-26-2009, 06:00 PM

I never realized how blessed I was that my DH and I are on the same page financially till I started reading about others' dilemmas and then read a number of the posts here on FV. It's something that I've always just taken for granted, and now I realize I really need to be more appreciative of his money management skills.

He's the money guy in our family. I am definitely not a spendaholic or a big time shopper and I do keep a solid eye on the budget, sales, etc., but he's the one who manages the finances, tracking what comes in and what goes out. I'm ashamed to say -- since you all here are so on top of things -- that I don't really know what we pay per month for electricity, for example, because DH handles the bills. My job is pretty much to just be wise in my spending, and he appreciates that I do a good job of managing the grocery budget and keeping the Visa low. (We pay it off each month.)

How to get on the same page? I'd suggest, as others did, to sit down and have a real heart-to-heart about your short and long term goals, then do a cost analysis to determine how you'll have to structure your budget to allow you to achieve them. It's amazingly powerful to see things in black-and-white. Maybe DH will see that his desire, however strong, for a car, can be tabled for just a short while while you earn your nursing degree because that degree will have such a significant financial payoff that it will enable you both to obtain additional goals as well: that car, new furniture, a house, a fancy vacation, a comforting nest egg, whatever it may be. (Not to mention a happy wife!)

Good luck. I'm pulling for you!
~M

**mauimagic** · 09-26-2009, 06:07 PM

Stay true and strong to your financial convictions. Follow the above suggestions re: written budget and plan. This is one area of your married life where you will have to work at taking closer and closer approximations of where you want to be. The great thing is that there are times when he is on board. That is huge in your journey towards financial partnership... build on it!!

**Contrary Housewife** · 09-26-2009, 06:38 PM

Maybe you can help him set up a "car fund". It can be hard sometimes to not see the emergency/savings account as "extra money" when you want something. I mean, it's just sitting there... you can put it back later...

If he wants money for a new toy, make him save up for it, just like you are saving for moving expenses (right?) and nursing school, and the emergency/savings.

**grneyegrl** · 09-26-2009, 07:40 PM

if u r desperate to go to nursing school just do it.. go into further debt.. it will be soooooooooooo worth it.. depending where u live your income can be doubled.. a lot of my mothers friends laughed at me when i went back to school. but im having the last laugh.. i love what i do ...

yes i went further into debt but its almost all paid off.. i doubled my income and have a state lisence that i can take to any state inthe nation and work(have to pay for a new lisence)., also with nursing some employers will pay for your loans if u stay for a length of time..

life is far to short to be so unhappy.. bite the bullet and just do it..