Photos, family, and online privacy.

**Nishu** · 09-27-2009, 03:37 PM

I have several family members that post pictures of me and my family online. It would never occur to them to ask if it's okay. I think this is weird.

My mom does this all the time and she finds it hilarious that I get so upset about her posting unflattering pictures of me online. (They're not unflattering, she would say.) She thinks I'm too sensitive. What matters to me is the fact that I've asked her nicely not to post pictures of me online so that all her friends can see, and not only does she do it anyway, but she also thinks its funny. She tagged me in several facebook photos. I untagged them. (Petty? Guilty as charged.)

My inlaws do the same, though I've never asked them not to, I think it's strange that people do this. My fil, for example, has a picture on his myspace of my two girls when they were a couple years younger. It's at a conservatory and the girls are standing their smiling, and I'm in the background facing the other directions. The only visible part of me is basically my rear end. What's funny isn't the fact that he posted it, it's the fact that he captioned it "Layla, DJ, and Jessica." It's just my rear. And it's labeled "Jessica." Nice.

These pictures can only been seen by their friends but still... I don't even know their friends. I just feel like it's an invasion of privacy and that you should ask before you post pictures of people online, you know?

What do you guys think?

**Jamielane** · 09-27-2009, 03:49 PM

One of my daughters has a facebook account and I told her before she posted any pictures she was not allowed to post pictures of other people without their permission. Her account is set to private and I check it regularly to monitor what is on there . I know she wanted to post a few pictures of her and her cousins who are younger then her at a family party and I made her call my SIL to make sure it was ok first. I have a facebook account as well and one of the woman I went to school with 20 years ago is obsessed with pictures of high school. There are several of me on there. They are ok pictures but I think its very rude to post pictures of people and not ask them first. Worse would be when you have specifically asked someone to NOT post them and they do anyways. I think it feels like an invasion of privacy as well and I want the kids to understand that once you put something online its there forever really.

**Ocean_Beach_Dweller** · 09-27-2009, 03:49 PM

I think people should respect your wishes, but the way things are with facebook now I don't think people think about it. I've been on facebook for about 5 years now, so there are literally hundreds of pictures of me on there at this point. If i find one to be unflattering, I do just what you did and simply untag it. Usually if theres a questionable pictures, a person will ask me before posting it or won't post it at all, such as on my trip to New Orleans wth my classmates last year there were several pictures of us drinking that I didn't necessarily want my coworkers to see, and so we just exchanged the pictures via email rather than posting them.

Sorry for such a long response, facebook has gotten much more complicated since I began using it and i've had to put a lot of thought into it lately lol Hope this helps

**calimomx2** · 09-27-2009, 03:55 PM

My dd tends to put pictures of me on facebook and such and I've told her many times that I don't want her to do that. I hate taking pictures anyway and for me there is the whole privacy issue. She tells me that "only my friends can see it"......she has hundreds of friends!

She hasn't done it lately (that I know of) and she better not!!!

**Jamielane** · 09-27-2009, 04:12 PM

If you untag a picture does that mean people can't see it anymore?

**Nishu** · 09-27-2009, 04:30 PM

Not exactly, it means that when you click on someone's profile and try to view photos of them, it won't bring up that photo under "Tagged in."
For example, under my profile I have section for wall photos, photo albums and tagged photos. The tagged photos are pictures that other people put up and I just happened to be in. It also means that when other people see the picture, it will still say "Jessica ___" under them, but it won't include a link to my profile.

**AmyBoz** · 09-27-2009, 04:37 PM

On my blog, I post pictures of my children and myself. I have a few posts where I have pictures of my friends, however, I asked their permission before posting them. There is a post about my ds and my neice, (double-trouble) and I asked my sister-in-law before posting it.

I think the only one that I didn't ask first was Sara, (here at the village) when I wrote about her national coverage. I used a photo that she had used on her site, so I assumed it would be okay...however, now I'm thinking that maybe I should have asked. (Sorry, Sara!)

Same goes with facebook, with the exception of some childhood birthday party pictures.

Dh has asked to not have his picture on my blog. I can talk about him, but he doesn't want his picture there. However, he said I can use pictures of him from when he was little for a special anniversary post that I'll be doing this coming Saturday.

I totally understand privacy. I've asked people to take down pictures that I didn't feel were appropriate. They weren't necessarily inappropriate, but as a public school teacher, I didn't really want them "out there" as it were.

**McD** · 09-27-2009, 04:38 PM

Nope----just means that the picture isn't 'labeled' with your name anymore.

It doesn't bother me that people post pictures of me/Wesley, but my mother-in-law did have a chat about the fact taht her facebook was completely open, accessible to the public, had her address posted, and she would post pictures of Wesley along with plans for when they had him. I told her she either made her page secure or to take it all off.

I must say that all of my friends have been very respectful of what kind of photos are posted. If it's something questionable, they ask first.

**dcompton** · 09-27-2009, 04:54 PM

I am not involved with Facebook and similar sites and really know little about them. And I definitely agree you should be asked and your expressed wishes respected. However, it seems to me that in our increasingly electronic world we might as well get used to the idea that privacy is a vanishing ideal. Also, some people really don't "get it." Not because they are bad or insensitive -- though I admit that some surely do have unpalatable agendas behind their actions, but because we all draw our privacy boundaries differently. What might seem an invasion of privacy to one person might truly seem like no big deal to another. Disclosing health or financial matters are two areas that come to mind. Photos online is surely another.

But, again, if you say "no" -- it should mean "no" and be honored.

Edited to add -- and if it involves children, well, that's a whole different matter. Safety is the issue there and that cannot be compromised.