Ugh...Internet Drama

**hwmabire3** · 09-29-2009, 10:33 AM

So I need some advice on something.

A while back I was a member of a messageboard(not this one) and I posted a link that it turned out I should not have posted. It was a Christian forum, and because I didn't explore the link enough, I didn't see that in a few areas of the linked page there were some "questionable" animated graphics. (In particular, there was one of a Ford emblem humping a Chevy emblem. yuck.) Had I looked at the page thoroughly, I would have noticed. But unfortunately, I didn't.

As a result, I ended up being penalized from that forum, but not before a few members sent me some insulting private messages. One woman in particular, who had always portrayed herself has this loving Christian lady, really crossed the line to where I ended up in tears. I reported her to one of the moderators, and they apparently did nothing, because I have since left and she is still there.

It has been probably a year since all this happened, but to be honest I was still feeling the sting from it. I had been online friends with the women of that forum for 5 years! I finally decided that the only thing that was going to make the hurt go away is if I were to forgive that woman. So...being that I have no email address for her, I found a link to her blog and left a comment. It should be noted that comments on her blog are moderated by her(which is no problem with me.) Here is the comment I left:

I find it upsetting that you portray yourself as a friendly Christian woman when behind the scenes you are quite different. I am speaking of your online behavior. A while back you hurt my feelings in a written message and you never acknowledged that you had done anything wrong and you never apologized, you just kept going on as if nothing had ever happened. I have been carrying this hurt around with me for a while and I have decided that I am done.

SO, I want you to know that I forgive you, even though you have never apologized. I wish the best of health, happiness and love for you and your family.

This comment was made in my real name(not anonymously) and it linked to my real blog, which has a link to my email address. I was not trying to be sneaky or anonymous in any way.

So, today I go to read her blog(Which I have been reading for years) and she has a post up saying that she is thankful for easily traceable IP addresses, friends lists, and so on, and that she snagged an internet troll. Now maybe it is just me, but I find the fact that she is calling me an internet troll is ridiculous. This is the first time I have contacted her, and I did not cuss or threaten her in any way.

So my question to you is, how is what I did trolling, and does she have any power legally to do anything?

**Nana2two** · 09-29-2009, 11:21 AM

Sounds like to me, you did what u had to do.you forgave ,just move on, i had same problems in different boards like that. if some don't think like you do, you are automatticly the bad person.. Take a deep breath and tell yourself your done. Treat yourself to a nice hot bath cup of tea and relax.

**Contrary Housewife** · 09-29-2009, 11:33 AM

She is just being a _____. She does not have the power to do anything to you other than make more nasty posts if you continue to contact her. You forgave her, she is being vengeful. I would just walk away from it now.

**shoiji** · 09-29-2009, 11:44 AM

I would say try to walk away from it. If this is something she said on her blog then it will be obvious to other readers of her blog her what her true colors are.

She really does not sound like the type of person who needs your attention. It always amazes me how adults can act like children and never glow up.

Go do something good for yourself knowing you did nothing wrong.

**Momof3girls** · 09-29-2009, 11:47 AM

I don't think she has the power to do anything; except make you miserable IF you let her. Don't give up your own power for that ridiculous person. Karma has a way of coming around and kicking those that need it in the rear!

**lotsadebt** · 09-29-2009, 12:09 PM

If did what you should have. You said you were sorry, attempted to make ammends. You also let her know that there were consequences to her actions (your feelings).
Only she can choose the next course of action. You have done cleared your soul.

**Cricketlegs** · 09-29-2009, 12:43 PM

Maybe I am the odd ball here but I read what you posted to her and I found it insulting.

If you had sent that to me I would be mad. I will tell you how I would have seen it had I been her but please know I am not attacking you. I do feel you did this with good intentions. I just what to show you the flip side.

I find it upsetting that you portray yourself as a friendly Christian woman when behind the scenes you are quite different. (You are a bad phoney person. That seems very insulting and judgemental to me.)

I am speaking of your online behavior. (You do bad things. Shame on you.)

A while back you hurt my feelings in a written message and you never acknowledged that you had done anything wrong and you never apologized, you just kept going on as if nothing had ever happened.(Maybe she doesn't feel she actually did anything wrong?)

I have been carrying this hurt around with me for a while and I have decided that I am done.(Why after a year do you bring it back up and right to her? She had put it behind her right, and moved on?)

SO, I want you to know that I forgive you, even though you have never apologized. I wish the best of health, happiness and love for you and your family.( This is what gets me the most. If I am sorry for something I will say I am sorry. I think telling someone you forgive them if they don't think they are in the wrong is taking a holier than thou attitude.)

This is just my take on it, sorry if I offend.

**thefrug** · 09-29-2009, 12:47 PM

I would say that you are the bigger person for forgiving her. She'll have to explain things to the Lord when she gets there for the life she lived. Chalk all this up to a lesson learned. Let it go hun.

I was just banned from a christian board too lol. Someone who claimed to be a Pagan asked for prayers because he was filing for divorce, so me having a few Pagan friends and know a little of their holidays and some of their beliefs and such, posted a reply to his request. I went back later that day and my post was gone so I figured something went wrong and I posted again. LOL I got a message the next day I went to go to the forum. I was banned forever because of Pagan Rituals!! LMBO!! whatever! LOL There are just some who talk the talk but don't walk the walk. Them I feel sorry for.

**frugalwarrior** · 09-29-2009, 12:53 PM

I agree w/ cricket.That is also the impression I got. You didn't target what happened on that occasion. You targeted who she is as a person. My honest first impession was- What did you think she'd do. She gave you a personal hit. So she got personal back. Besides, Why did you stew so long about what one person said? Her personal opinion doesn't make it so. Stay over here we'll be nice.

**WV_mom_of2** · 09-29-2009, 01:59 PM

It's hard when you feel that you no longer belong in a place that you spent years visiting! I know! I was a regular, very active member of a message board for years. I posted many times daily and was well liked. Then four members of the board decided to take it over and get nasty. They demanded that people stop being friendly to each other. They demanded that there be no Happy Monday threads or personal threads. One member only responded to a post if she could find something to be nasty about. It made everyone miserable. I stood up for all the other members and as a result I was bombarded by the uglies and their nastiness. In the end they won with the board moderators and I left. I have no desire to post on a board where I can't wish someone a good morning or give a hug!

She can't do anything to you other than what she did. Let it go now. If you have TRULY forgiven her then it's time to put it in the past and move on. She's proven yet again that she is not a nice person. She's not worth your time!!

**Libby** · 09-29-2009, 02:24 PM

No offense...I am not sure how involved you felt with this other message board regardless of its nature but you did what you had to do, said what you had to say and now it's time to move on. Despite how your words came out and can be viewed in many ways, as a few others here have pointed out, do you feel better for having gotten it off your chest? Thats the only thing you need to focus on now. Her name calling and attempting to fear monger you to make you feel bad is her issue. Maybe she doesn't know how to say 'I accept your apology, lets call it water under the bridge and move on.'

That just my take on it.

**cab54** · 09-29-2009, 02:43 PM

I don't forgive people 'out loud'---meaning to their face, on the internet, or in a letter, on the phone, etc.

Why? Because they believe they're right, and I believe I'm right, and like Cricketlegs said, they will only see that as 'uppity', or as if you are saying "YOU were the one in the wrong (granted, you believe they are, but that's not how they feel) and after much thought, I have decided to forgive you." It's a no-win situation.

I feel they (the whole board + your friend) could have maybe accepted your apology more readily--it would have (to me) been more Christian for them to understand that you didn't MEAN to post something like that. BUT, they can do what they want, nothing you can do about that.

And if I were you, I would see it as--they are a bit closed-minded, and too quick to punish, and you need to know that you were not intending to do anything wrong. There are always going to be situations like this, and always going to be people who do stuff like this. Try to let it go.

When you forgive---do it for YOURSELF. For your own soul. It isn't necessary to tell the one you forgive that you've forgiven them UNLESS they ask for your forgiveness, and want to know.

I believe forgiveness is something you do for your own soul. Overcoming a 'slight' by someone, and letting go of the anger/resentment/hurt. It is a kind of healing.

**2ndGenGranola** · 09-29-2009, 02:53 PM

Whew! I'm not the only one who has experienced something like that.

Even though I am a Bible believing Christian, I love the word "karma". When I hear that word I also hear phases like "be sure your sins will find you out", "revenge is mine sayeth the Lord", " do unto others"...you get the idea. If this is how these people operate, they are dragging you down spiritually. Don't "throw your pearls to the swine". Move on.

Personally I don't think that letter should have been written. As you can see it only fed her pride and arrogance. You don't need fake friends like that even if they are just online.

In the future if you have not completely checked out a link for a board like that, post a disclaimer that you have not checked it out and to pursue it at their own risk.

**hwmabire3** · 09-29-2009, 02:56 PM

Thanks for all the advice everyone, and also the criticism

I was not offended by anyone. Sending her that message seemed like a good idea at the time, but I tell you in all honesty that I did NOT expect her to react in the way that she did.

Although it is mighty tempting to continue reading her blog, I've put in in my list of blocked sites so that I can't access it anymore.

**hwmabire3** · 09-29-2009, 08:27 PM

Okay, so I've decided never to contact her again and to not ever read her blog again.

Trouble is, she has been to my blog at least 3 times today and she's also been checking out my Myspace page a few times.

It's really creeping me out, so I made my Myspace page private and blocked her IP from reading my blog. Any other ideas on how to deal with a stalker-type situaton?