having a really hard time with things...

**ncarr** · 10-06-2009, 08:46 AM

Hi everyone. I usually don't post things about myself but I'm having a rough time and feel like nobody in my life can relate. My husband and I are "stuck" in our 1 bedroom condo. We are way upside down. A lot of the units have foreclosed so our fees have gone up to make up the difference for delinquent homeowners. Our "good investment" in an exclusive neighborhood has become a curse. We pay about 1300 a month for mortgage and fees. We are blessed that we are teachers and both have jobs and can manage this fine. What is really depressing me is that I desperately want to have a baby. I want to start our family. My husband does not want to until we are out of the condo. But there is no way out! He refuses to ruin his credit by foreclosing or attempting a short sale (which would never happen anyway). I told him I would be fine having the baby in the condo and making due. it would be tight (both financially and with regards to living room) but we could manage. He disagrees. I'm just really depressed. I spend all day taking care of other people's children but cannot have my own because of this stupid bad decision we made. I know there is nothing anyone here can do about it but I just needed to vent. Thanks if you actually read all of this.

**MaryCarney** · 10-06-2009, 08:54 AM

Never, never, never underestimate the power of prayer!

**Linus** · 10-06-2009, 08:55 AM

I certainly can understand a bit from both sides. My g/f and I do want to have kids but we're waiting until she's finished school and we've gotten a fair amount of debt paid down (kids are not cheap at any age!). And it's heartbreaking for both of us (me especially since I feel like I've let her down by having this debt).

It's definitely hard. Can you have a "furrkid" in the condo in the meantime? Something really furrkid, lap-able and cuddly? I ask only because that is one thing that my g/f wants (my cat is a tad non-sociable at times unfortunately) to help keep the clock from ticking so loudly.

**NikoSan999** · 10-06-2009, 09:06 AM

I read all of it and want you to know we're here and we care

**Greebo** · 10-06-2009, 09:11 AM

How old are you? Is there a real rush?

**NewLeaf** · 10-06-2009, 10:24 AM

I had a co worker who was in the same situation as you back in the 90's. They had a one bedroom condo. They hung curtains around the dining area to make a baby room. It worked for them. She said they just ate on tv trays for awhile. I understand the deep craving for a baby. I had to wait much longer than I wanted to. But in the end things turned out better for waiting. We got our debt paid down and I was able to stay home. I was almost 30 when I had my first son and 361/2 when I had my 2nd son. It's not so bad being an older parent.
Just pray that God will help you make the right decisions.

BTW, there really is no perfect time to have a baby - financial or otherwise.

**Sassyclass** · 10-06-2009, 10:30 AM

Hugs and prayers.You say there is no way out? I don't understand this.Why is there no way out? I wouldn't want to have a baby in a home I couldn't stand to live in. But that is just my feelings. You are young and have plenty of time. I'm sure when the time is truely right for you and your hubby to start a family, you will.

Cat

**Lora88** · 10-06-2009, 10:33 AM

Originally Posted by Greebo

How old are you? Is there a real rush?

Greebo her siggy says shes 26 If we all waited until conditions were perfect noone would ever be born that said I dont think its the condo or lack of space but the issue may be that your Husband is not ready for this step . Wait and pray about and the answer will come to you both

**Greebo** · 10-06-2009, 10:40 AM

Originally Posted by Lora88

Greebo her siggy says shes 26

Oh hey, look at that.

You're still quite young. You've got lots of time. Give the Tampa real estate market a couple of years to recover somewhat and pay down the condo as MUCH as you can in the meantime, and you will get out eventually.

**NewLeaf** · 10-06-2009, 10:59 AM

I agree w/ Greebo. You have time. Pay down all the debt you can including the condo and you will be able to step up to something bigger in time. Who knows, you may even move to the country like I did where the housing is much cheaper. In 1996 we left Fairfax, Va and moved home. My dh took a paycut, I quit work and we scaled way down. We had our first baby and bought a small 2 1/2 bedroom house for $38,000. We thought it was our starter home, but here we are 13 yrs later in the same house w/another child - just making it work and praying alot. You are still so young and you never know what doors will open.

BTW, have you guys talked to a professional about selling?

**Greebo** · 10-06-2009, 11:08 AM

And btw you can always list the property as a potential short sale and TRY to get the bank to accept your offer. It will ding your credit a little - but just a little.

**ncarr** · 10-06-2009, 11:44 AM

I'm 26 but my husband is 35. I don't want him to be 40 by the time we have our first child

We had the condo listed for over a year and not a single person came to look at it. Our Realtor then retired because the market collapsed. I know it may not seem like I should be in a hurry but it really sucks feeling like your life is on hold. I'm ready to move on to the next step.

I think my husband wants everything to be "perfect"-- have a house in the country with land and space. I really don't think things will ever be "perfect." I think having children is something you just have to "dive in." I just think he is unrealistic about where we "need" to be to have children.

**Greebo** · 10-06-2009, 11:48 AM

Originally Posted by ncarr

I'm 26 but my husband is 35. I don't want him to be 40 by the time we have our first child

I said a couple, not 5.

And BTW, WHAT'S wrong with 40???

We had the condo listed for over a year and not a single person came to look at it. Our Realtor then retired because the market collapsed.

Ok, so get another realtor and list the condo for less as a short sale.

I know it may not seem like I should be in a hurry but it really sucks feeling like your life is on hold. I'm ready to move on to the next step.

Understandable - but if you do something rash the result will be worse.

I think my husband wants everything to be "perfect"-- have a house in the country with land and space. I really don't think things will ever be "perfect." I think having children is something you just have to "dive in." I just think he is unrealistic about where we "need" to be to have children.

That may very well be true - the next question is - are the two of you seeing someone who can help you work through this difference?

**Catnap** · 10-06-2009, 12:35 PM

Have you thought about "adopting" a homeless cat or dog? They love us so much in return. Later on when you can move the "baby" will have a built in playmate.

Catnap

**andrew's mom** · 10-06-2009, 01:06 PM

Ncarr,
I used to think the same thing as your husband. I didn't want to have kids until all my debt was paid off. And then I realized that may take a lot longer than I expected. I also realized that "perfect" doesn't exist. It's just life in the moment. I know it sounds cliche but "life is a journey, not a destination". Can you have a totally open conversation with your husband where you put aside your and his expectations and just talk about compromise? Honest, open communication is the key to a happy marriage. And honestly ask for help and support from your higher power (whichever it may be). You will be surprised at how you'll start seeing the signs when you start asking for directions.
Good luck to you and keep coming back for support.