Would this hurt your feelings????

**SueAnne** · 10-10-2009, 10:05 AM

I was telling my H about a funny story the other day when I had a hot flash at the funeral director's office (taking care of some of my dad's stuff).

I was having one right then, with sweat running down my face and it was only 65 in the house, so I showed him and said "just like this".

HE SAID......."Why do you have to talk about things like that, that is such a turn-off."

I left for work without speaking to him, I was sooooo shocked and hurt. Ok people lay it on me is it the menopause talking or was that just RUDE AND HURTFUL!

**sahm2boys** · 10-10-2009, 10:07 AM

i think it was a little hurtful

**Sassyclass** · 10-10-2009, 10:17 AM

I'd say it's just plain rude and I'd tell him nothing turns me off faster than rudeness.

I'd probably really get rude and it wouldn't be from menopause either, so you are a better woman than me. I'm sure he wasn't thinking when he said it.

Cat

**Moonface001** · 10-10-2009, 10:26 AM

My first impression is that it is a bit hurtful. My partner and I are very open about our bodies and how things work so if he said that to me I would find it hurtful. But if your partner is shy about bodily functions then it could have just been an honest reaction rather then him putting you down or trying to hurt you in any way. I think if it is an issue for you then talk about it.

**Jamauk** · 10-10-2009, 11:23 AM

It was maybe a bit tactless, but your changing body probably has him just plain confused. He probably spoke without thinking (I do that all of the time).
I'd just explain that while you know he didn't mean to be hurtful, the way it came out just hurt your feelings a bit.

**Karen1** · 10-10-2009, 11:34 AM

I think it is a turn off for men in general.
Guys don't "want" to hear about womens troubles. My hubby hears about my hot flashes, does he enjoy it, nope---he can't understand and I don't try to make him.

But you H gave a knee jerk answer to your story. Nothing wrong with that...it is probably just how the guy feels. You can't discount his feelings on the gal's subject matter either.

I tell hubby about gal things and he says whatever, I say back--hey live with it..HA HA...don't make it more than it truly is....this is where the trouble starts. let it go. that is what I would do.

**Rosebush3** · 10-10-2009, 11:35 AM

That would have hurt my feelings. The next time he was suffering from any sort of malady, he'd be hearing the same thing right back. What's that honey? You sprained your ankle? Ugh, why do you have to talk like that, it's SUCH a turn-off.
Ok, probably I wouldn't say such a thing, I would just keep the hurt in and confide in him less and less.

**baxjul** · 10-10-2009, 12:23 PM

My feelings would be hurt also.

**Nishu** · 10-10-2009, 01:39 PM

"Honey, all these years I didn't realize that me being hot and sweaty was such a turnoff! In the future I'll be sure to avoid such activities that make me all steamy."

*sly look*

Sorry. It would probably hurt my feelings too. I didn't realize that being hot was such womanly problem as to make men nervous.

**Persimmon Lace** · 10-10-2009, 02:19 PM

I sat my dh down when I started having several types of problems and just told him, this is part of my life now and there will have to be adjustments made. While that would have hurt my feelings, I also know that it makes men, even the "enlightened" ones uncomfortable. And that goes both ways as well.

I do think that there are things about our changing bodies that should be talked about with girlfriends. I love my dh but I have times when I just don't want to discuss those types of personal matters. Even in a marriage a little less info is a good thing.

**Texasgirl** · 10-10-2009, 03:34 PM

I would have been hurt.

**fairydana** · 10-10-2009, 04:01 PM

My feelings would have been hurt for sure.

Not everything in our lives is a turn-on.

Big hugs to you!

**Luckybustert** · 10-10-2009, 04:17 PM

I think some things are just best not discussed between partners.....irregularity, menses, hot flashes, jock rot, painful rectal itch, etc. Why dwell on the unflattering aspects? Everyone wants to be able to view their partner in the most flattering light, and highlighting these things, whether they're a normal part of life or not, doesn't help. Sometimes I think all the TV commercials for personal products have made people just WAY too comfortable talking about things that are better left unsaid!

**pollypurebred39** · 10-10-2009, 04:38 PM

Ouch! That smarts! I know you left for work without speaking to him, but I'm not sure I would have handled that with as much grace as you did.

**IntlMom** · 10-10-2009, 04:43 PM

me?
I'd be hurt too.....but my menopausal symptoms make me not really care what he would say....'
not really sure which is worse.........................