In-between stages of life

ncarr · 10-15-2009, 09:12 AM

I definitely feel like I'm stuck in an "in-between" stage of my life right now. Has anyone else ever felt that way? I'm out of college and married but not yet to the having kids stage yet. I graduated 5 years ago so I'm not "newly" in the work force but not yet a veteran worker. I don't know. I just feel like I'm kind of in a rut. idk ... has anyone else ever experienced this "in-between" feeling? The "no longer in your last stage but not quite at the next one yet" feeling? I'm not sure I'm explaining it right.

Contrary Housewife · 10-15-2009, 11:35 AM

We all go through it, more than once in our lives. Just enjoy it. Some day soon you'll have kids and look back on these peaceful free days and wish you had more of them.

NikoSan999 · 10-16-2009, 04:00 PM

Yep definitely more than once in a lifetime. Ever listen to country music ?? Kenny Chesney...heard the song called ( title ) Don't Blink ????

In other words, don't worry it will pass.

Lora88 · 10-16-2009, 04:30 PM

I seem to remember a post saying that you wanted to move and have a child but could not at this time. I think you kind of feel stuck because you are unable to move ahead to another phase of your life. Try to remember life isnt about reaching a destination but all about the journey Try to enjoy what you have now because someday you will miss it

shoiji · 10-16-2009, 08:05 PM

Definately have felt that way. Now that I am in my fourties many of my friends also talk about changing careers, or needing that something else but not quite sure what it is. Not sure if it is a mid-life thing or just from sitting back and taking stock of what I have done or want to do. I have found it best to find different outlets for learning. For me meeting new people, learning new things, really helps on this journey called life.

Thevail · 10-16-2009, 08:43 PM

It's true.. more than once in life. I always think it comes from a sort of "fluency" you develop in the particular stage of life that you're currently in.

In other words you get used to, and good at, what you're doing. So now, because it isn't something you have to pay minute attention to, you have a chance to look up and assess where you're at, where you're going, where, you'd like to be, etc.

Like when you first learned to ride a bike, it took every bit of concentration just to stay on it and not fall over, but later you got to the point where you could ride with no hands while having a conversation.

Or when you first learned to read and you spent so much time sounding out each word that it was a chore. Then you got good enough to read the story, not just each word, and it was fun. Then eventually you got so good at reading that you can read the story, and think about the author's writing style and how this book compares with other books.

When you reach that stage of competency where you're not working so hard just to keep up, it always feels like you're "in between". As if you should/could be doing something else as well.

The trick is to choose something else to do that also challenges you.

Anythingispossible · 10-16-2009, 08:54 PM

I feel this way also, so you are totally not alone. I have felt this way before and have made it through it... you will too... good luck!

mn30 · 10-16-2009, 09:17 PM

This is an interesting topic, one that my husband and I have talked a lot about. I don't want my life to be defined by expectation "phases". I 'feel' like i should have kids because that's what we're expected to (still don't know if we will - told my mom that in three years when I'm 35 she can really start pestering me again). I have been married for 5 years and out of university for 10 years, a few years abroad, a few years working a crappy job putting hubby through grad school, and soon to be back abroad again.

The thing that I've learned about phases and expectations is that they cause a lot of stress and anxiety about "what should be". Instead about thinking about "what you should be" doing, do something that you normally wouldn't do - volunteer somewhere - with kids maybe.

I hope this helps...(I think dealing with 'expectations' is also a phase)

nickelsback · 10-16-2009, 09:21 PM

Definitely, feeling that way for a while is normal. If you feel that way for an extended period of time and it is really getting you down, then it's time to make some changes.

KeithBC · 10-16-2009, 09:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mn30

This is an interesting topic, one that my husband and I have talked a lot about. I don't want my life to be defined by expectation "phases". I 'feel' like i should have kids because that's what we're expected to (still don't know if we will - told my mom that in three years when I'm 35 she can really start pestering me again). I have been married for 5 years and out of university for 10 years, a few years abroad, a few years working a crappy job putting hubby through grad school, and soon to be back abroad again.

The thing that I've learned about phases and expectations is that they cause a lot of stress and anxiety about "what should be". Instead about thinking about "what you should be" doing, do something that you normally wouldn't do - volunteer somewhere - with kids maybe.

I hope this helps...(I think dealing with 'expectations' is also a phase)

I was going to post something similar, but you said it better!

Minner77 · 10-17-2009, 10:05 AM

I am in my late 40s with 23, 20, and 15 yr old sons and I feel the same way to some extent. My DS15 will be graduating from HS in two years, and someone just asked me what I planned on doing then... the question quite startled me, as I hadn't thought about it much, but I've been thinking about it and feel, perhaps as you do, that I'm just on cruise control now.

Not that I am not enjoying my time with an active son, but it's a different feeling (including that of having teenagers vs small children who, for example, acknowledge that you exist in public

) from what I've experienced in many years now of raising children. Knowing that this time is almost up is, as I said, startling, and unsettling. In-between, as you put it.

I went back to school and finished a Master's recently. Maybe I should do something with it...?

Libby · 10-17-2009, 12:00 PM

Transitions - I find they happen all the time. Especially more noticeable when some significant in your life ends...be it some major routine that you do or have accomplished something. It's that 'what now?' feeling right?

Just lost the job - what now? I'm in a 'phase' if you will....just take it one day at a time....it will come to you...what you 'think' you should do

cab54 · 10-17-2009, 12:39 PM

Yes, I felt like that when I was your age. Out of school, working and the work is satisfying, pay is good, BUT....just feel like you're dangling there between life experiences, or something.....

I REALLY felt like that when I experienced 5 years of infertility. But finally I got pg....

Now, at 55, I feel like that again. I'm not old (my 70-something parents are old) and not young (my adult sons are young). Just....here.....

I do things for others (they say that's good for feelings like this), and I keep fairly busy, but not so much that I don't have time for me. I still feel weird.

One thing that happened to me when I was in my 20's (especially when I was having fertility probelms and soooo depressed)-----I realized I had to get on with the business of LIVING. I needed to find new things to do, find new avenues of learning, doing, getting out there and being happy. Go on little weekend day trips with your hubby. And take pictures of everything, because that will be fun to look at when you're older, LOL.