Are you good at

**jas** · 10-25-2009, 04:57 PM

Keeping peoples confidences? I don't mean like you know someone robbed a bank or anything the law needs to know about.

I had, I say had, a best friend who I guess me keeping her secrets was okay, but let me know anything and didn't spill the beans of someone elses confidences that is the cardinal sin of friendship.

She has secrets she WOULD NOT want others to know, but the person she wants to keep it from would probably want to know.

I am so frustrated and sad over this whole mess. I have not seen her in over four months and today I saw her and her husband in Walmart and she just looked away. I don't know if her husband saw me or not, but I could tell he either was on purpose not looking my way or she was telling him not to.

After all this time I don't want the friendship back as it would never be the same. I am frustrated that this happened so fast and over something she repeated and didn't get right and I defended myself. Well I haven't fully defended myself because I wasn't sure what happened at the moment it was happening and only after piecing together bits and pieces can I even guess what started it all. I don't think she would admit at this point any wrong on her part.

Sorry for venting.

**mauimagic** · 10-25-2009, 05:04 PM

that's a rough situation and I'm sorry you are going through it. People have different values. We may think that keeping secrets a priority but others might not. It's hard when relationships dissolve for whatever reason. Sending hugs and aloha your way!!

**frugalwarrior** · 10-25-2009, 05:27 PM

Some people are not so mature. KWIM. I was shocked to find out my DD's elementary school teacher knew details about my marriage shared in an itimate setting at a church support group. It was widely agreed upon these detail were to be kept PRIVATE. This is one of many reasons I have trust issies w/ people.
I am sure you feel betrayed. Rule of thumb. If a friend will tell you others secrets.. Guess what.

**jas** · 10-25-2009, 06:19 PM

Originally Posted by frugalwarrior

Some people are not so mature. KWIM. I was shocked to find out my DD's elementary school teacher knew details about my marriage shared in an itimate setting at a church support group. It was widely agreed upon these detail were to be kept PRIVATE. This is one of many reasons I have trust issies w/ people.
I am sure you feel betrayed. Rule of thumb. If a friend will tell you others secrets.. Guess what.

you have that right.

**miss_thrifty** · 10-25-2009, 09:09 PM

I also have freinds that i would never tell anyone what they said in confidence. I did years ago have a freind that like to cheat on her lived in spouse when we went out. me and her sister would at dances would have fun dancing aall night while she took off then came back later or half drunk smooch smooch, made me sick behind a veichle. ughh
But I kept it too myself and thought no matter what we say shes going to do it anyways in her mind till she finds what she thinks she needs thats not from her hubby at the time.
2 years after because I wanted to get away from dances etc girls night out they didnt want to talk to me anymore , and made excuses when i moved 10 min. away to the country outskirts. I was hurt!!!
I got tired of people thinkin of me that if she was like that maybe I was, u know- hang around with certain crowds, u get that name.
well years later she has gone her way and I mine. shes still not happy and I always was in my marraige. tis to their own.
I feel for ya dear huggsss
I thought they were my freinds , but they turned out they wernt. lesson learned. friends come in seasons and sometimes only for short time.

**jas** · 10-25-2009, 09:44 PM

yep it stings, we were friends for over 24 years and have been through a lot of things. I never thought, or maybe I should have It would come down to this.

**culudjum** · 10-25-2009, 09:53 PM

Originally Posted by mauimagic

that's a rough situation and I'm sorry you are going through it. People have different values. We may think that keeping secrets a priority but others might not. It's hard when relationships dissolve for whatever reason. Sending hugs and aloha your way!!

I am so frustrated and sad over this whole mess. I have not seen her in over four months and today I saw her and her husband in Walmart and she just looked away. I don't know if her husband saw me or not, but I could tell he either was on purpose not looking my way or she was telling him not to.

**cau** · 10-25-2009, 10:40 PM

She is probably ashamed of herself, at least I hope she is. I do keep my mouth shut about what friends tell me. I am also very careful who I confide in

**cookofdeath** · 10-25-2009, 11:35 PM

I had a friend who seemed to be leading a double life for 7 years. I was floored when I found out. I am a housewife who lives by Christian standards (sort of, just works out that way cause I'm sort of June Cleaver) . I thought she was too. She was not. It was very hard to keep my mouth shut in our very small, microscopic town.

**tigo** · 10-26-2009, 08:35 AM

I keep secrets quite well. Actually, after the person tells me I pretty much forget whatever it was. Anything I don't want broadcast on the local cable channel I keep to myself. I have found even those we think can keep a secret may slip up from time to time.