Boy am I good and Triggered!

**Rebookie** · 11-02-2009, 12:12 AM

This is probably stupid and petty, but I have to get it out.

Here is a back story, I am having a thanksgiving dinner (not on thanksgiving but on the 14th of nov) for my friends.. Think dinner party.. I have been working really hard to get this house presentable for people to visit. This is big because people don't come over, because I am not a good housekeeper. Anyway I've been talking about this party for 3 weeks (at least) and my friend my BEST friend was coming, well he is gay (which isn't the issue, but it pertains to it) and just met this guy on Oct 2, well guess when they planned their Disney Vacation? You got it.. My party.

I am very hurt by this. He said that "he forgot" when planning the trip..They planned it last week AFTER he told me he was coming. I know good and well that wasn't the issue, why he chose it was because it was the only time they could get the vaca week through the timeshare.

I am sure I am just being hormonal, but darn it if he had a party planned I wouldn't be making vaca plans with a man I had only met within the month.

If he needs anything, I drop everything and go now I realize that it's not reciprocated. I've know him for 12 years and I am just pissy about this.

I can't talk to him about it, because he's irrational and will turn this all on me.

If I spelled all this wrong I am sorry. I'm just all fired up.

**mauimagic** · 11-02-2009, 12:25 AM

No worries - you can rant and rave all you want here. Of course you're disappointed (and really pissed off). ... and your feelings are hurt - don't blame you...... but.... If you let it go, you won't waste any more energy and can get on with your wonderful party. He's losing out on a great time and an opportunity to be a good friend by coming to your party. Sometimes friendships aren't balanced or fair - it's just the way it is.

I'm sorry you're going through this. Please don't let it ruin your party - it's his loss!! Take care.

**MTS04** · 11-02-2009, 07:27 AM

If he is a friend, then let him know you are hurt. You don't have to do it today or tomorrow, but when the time feels right. You don't have to say, "because of what you did, I'm hurt" But how about just letting him know his presence will be missed?
eta: I'm sorry you're friend is not being thoughtful. I hope you're able to mend this.

**NewLeaf** · 11-02-2009, 07:40 AM

Tell him you will miss him at the party and it won't be the same without him. I would be very hurt too. But you don't need a big rift in your relationship.

**NikoSan999** · 11-02-2009, 09:00 AM

If he had the timeshare and that was the only week he could use it or lose it then I think I would kind of understand. It sucks I know. Are there more people coming? If just them could your date be changed? I would be pissed too but goes back to would he lose this years week on the timeshare if he didn't take that particlular week.
Hugs to ya

**Libby** · 11-02-2009, 10:08 AM

I understand the whole timeshare thing but seeing as he wasn't planning on using it until he met Mr New Date, of course I'd be hurt. (which is how it sounds)

Gently voice that w/o actually attacking or flipping out on him. Perhaps send an email? Just state that you're very disappointed in him. I think he got carried away with the whole (no offense to all the males here but) "shiny thing man syndrome" and the newness of having a potential 'mate'. It is exciting and does tend to envelop people at first.

Sorry that he's not going to be able to attend your party but still carry on and have a blast without him.

**Cricketlegs** · 11-02-2009, 06:36 PM

I am sorry, I know he hurt your feelings.

Now, if he is a really good friend then forgive him and move past it. It can be as small or as large as you work it up to be so you have to decide how important he is to you and if a big deal is worth the fuss.

Hope you still have a GREAT Thanksgiving!

**Luv2BeFrugal** · 11-03-2009, 02:02 AM

I would be hurt, too!! That is SO not cool!! I'd tell him...but try typing out a letter/e-mail...waiting 24 hours...reading it again...modifying it if needed...and then send it (or read it to him over the phone or in person).

**wjcalderon** · 11-03-2009, 08:09 AM

Don't be too hard on him. He probably just got caught up in the excitement of his new friend and the opportunity for the timeshare. He had a momentary memory lapse.
Let him know how disappointed you are that he won't be at your party, but don't let this ruin a good friendship.

**madhen** · 11-03-2009, 09:08 AM

If he is a really good friend, you need to drop it and move past it. There is no "gentle" way of telling him he hurt your feelings. If you do it before the party, you are laying a guilt trip on him. If you do it after the party, you put him in a no-win situation. I agree that you tell him he will be missed, but then you let it go.

I think we've all been in that first flush of "crazy OMG I love this person so much it hurts" romance, and when we are in that flush, we don't always stop to consider the objective people around us. Let him have his moment, and he'll eventually get rational again. Who knows, if this really is Mr. Right, you may have TWO best friends in the near future!

**littleplum** · 11-03-2009, 09:13 AM

Does he do that a lot? Go on expensive vacations with men he just met?

His behavior kind of sounds like you are his best friend, but he's not your best friend. YKWIM?

**Rebookie** · 11-03-2009, 04:33 PM

Originally Posted by littleplum

Does he do that a lot? Go on expensive vacations with men he just met?

His behavior kind of sounds like you are his best friend, but he's not your best friend. YKWIM?

That's exactly how he is. Unfortunately... He also made a choice of choosing the vaca over me.. He wasn't planning on going anywhere last month. He is impulsive and he's picked up drinking a lot more than normal. I don't know what it going on with him. I won't say anything, but I won't be sticking my neck out for him as much anymore.

**miss_thrifty** · 11-03-2009, 06:00 PM

rebookie. id so what others said. kkeep it on the low. i understand why your hurt. but if u want to keep the relationship then i would wait and just let him know he'll be missed. And maybe down the road U'll see if he's really changing for the worse(more drinking) and why or U'll have to sit him down and tell him u find a differnce in him and wonder whats going on. if he's truly your freind he'll tell ya whats going on.