Question about helping....

**Ceashels** · 11-06-2009, 02:55 PM

Background information:

We have our neighbor (a mid teen) mow our lawn for us. He does ok but has occasionally only done the front and run out of daylight then never returns to finish the back. There have also been extended times (3+ weeks) when our grass has needed mowing but he didn't knock on our door and we end up cutting it ourselves.

Earlier this season, he tried to negotiate the price up to $30 so he can take his girlfriend out on a date but it isn't worth it to me to pay more so he dropped it.

Today, he knocked and I pulled out the mower for him since it will be the last cut of the season (we were just going to let it go but it will look nicer for the winter with a trim). He did all but one side when his weed whacker stopped working. I paid him in full and told him not to worry about it.

He left but returned within a few minutes and in formed me that the $25 I paid him was all that his family had right now. He started another sentence but I interrupted and said it is not in our habit to front loans. He said ok and left.

Questions:

Was he just fishing for some cash? (ie fact or fiction?)

I do know:
his mom doesn't work and has 8 kids
his dad works (and the teen has offered his dad's services for carpentry for our shed).

Do we let the Mom know? We don't know what their financial situation is and we are acquaintances at best.

Do we get them a gift card to a grocery store? Do we make up a gift box of essentials?

If they are struggling we don't have any issue helping out. We can do it anonymously as well and simply leave things on their porch or a grocery card in the mail.

I know that if Mom found out he was just fishing he would most likely be disciplined to some extent. If they did need the financial help would she be offended by a box of food or grocery card?

How would you go about it?

Thanks for your valuable input.
Ceashels

**Greebo** · 11-06-2009, 02:58 PM

I'm kind of thinking we should approach the mom and just let her know that her son is saying these things about their family. Whether or not they're true, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't be too happy - but like Cea I don't have a clue what the best thing to do here is...

**IntlMom** · 11-06-2009, 03:00 PM

Oh man..... I was going to leave a snide remark about Greebo eating too many bon-bons and not cutting it himself (lol)..... and you have to go and ask a serious question!!

I'm thinking that if you want to involve yourself, talking to the mom may not be such a bad idea....... and although I don't have any idea how to go about it, I am sure that others here will.

btw - wtg on being aware of those in need around you.

**Thevail** · 11-06-2009, 03:02 PM

Hmm.. that's a tough one Ceashells..

Maybe a friendly neighborhood.. "well I was cleaning out the pantry and I have all this stuff that we won't use."would work.

As for the kid, he might be just trying to help his family, but they might not be exactly thrilled about it. I think I'd probably die of shame (whether I should or not) if my teenager was "begging" at the neighbors.

**Greebo** · 11-06-2009, 03:04 PM

Originally Posted by IntlMom

Oh man..... I was going to leave a snide remark about Greebo eating too many bon-bons and not cutting it himself (lol)..... and you have to go and ask a serious question!!

NOM NOM NOM Bonbons!!!

**Russ** · 11-06-2009, 03:04 PM

How about...
If your family is in trouble and you need more cash, I'm sure we could find some odd jobs around here, if you are willing to work for the money.
Giving "him" the money does not sound like a good idea to me.

**Thevail** · 11-06-2009, 03:05 PM

As for approaching the family..

Have they been leaving in the morning the way they normally would if he was working?

Is he around in the afternoons when usually he'd be at work?

Maybe the best thing would be to approach them from the basis that you "noticed" things weren't going as they normally do. That leaves the kid out of it.

**Ceashels** · 11-06-2009, 03:17 PM

They exit from the far side of their home... on a corner so I haven't noticed anything unusual. The Dad never seemed to have standard hours so I don't have a comparison to note any changes.

I do know the mom smokes and that burns me a little if they are short on funds because i know how much my old man smoked when things were tight. *grumble grumble and yes, i realize it is an addiction.. grumble grumble*

**monkeywrangler71** · 11-06-2009, 03:36 PM

I wouldn't ask the mother, if it's true it would be humilating for her. If it's not, yes he should be disciplined for it, but personally I'd forgo the discipline in favour of sensitivity. That didn't work should be lesson enough.

If you see a need and want to help, leave it anonymously on their porch. You don't want them thinking you know their business, it can make life uncomfortable. They'll either be embarrassed, or they'll be at your door every day looking for more.

**Ceashels** · 11-06-2009, 03:42 PM

Originally Posted by monkeywrangler71

or they'll be at your door every day looking for more.

Thank you , this crossed my mind as well.

**Nishu** · 11-06-2009, 03:45 PM

Fire the kid and hire the dad to mow the lawn?

I don't know about leaving things anonymously if you don't know for certain they're struggling. It would be appreciated if they were in need. if they aren't really in need it might be offensive and humiliating.

Unfortunately I don't see any way around this without talking to mom. If he was telling the truth, then she likely already knew that he had come back to talk to you so hopefully the conversation won't be as uncomfortable as I'm imagining it to be.

**Nishu** · 11-06-2009, 03:47 PM

Originally Posted by Ceashels

Thank you , this crossed my mind as well.

If this is a concern for you, then maybe you could offer work rather than gifts. That way when they've worn out their good will you can just say you don't need anything done.

**Greebo** · 11-06-2009, 03:48 PM

Originally Posted by Nishu

Fire the kid and hire the dad to mow the lawn?

The kid has offered Dad's services a few times - I wanna know why Dad hasn't come by himself.

Unfortunately I don't see any way around this without talking to mom. If he was telling the truth, then she likely already knew that he had come back to talk to you so hopefully the conversation won't be as uncomfortable as I'm imagining it to be.

Yeah, and if she did that, well - one of us might have words for her about using her KIDS to go begging.

Personally, I think the kid was fishing for extra $ - but the more I think about it the more I think, either way, the 'rents should know about this.

**Nishu** · 11-06-2009, 03:56 PM

If they're really out of money and they have 8 kids, then it's *possibly* a matter for CPS. I know I'm going to get beat down for saying that, but the smoking is what did it for me. Regardless of whether or not it is an addiction, if you let your addictions interfere with your responsibilities then it's serious issue.

So, that's kinda why I say that you need to talk to mom. If he's fishing for money, she should know and you guys are going to have to nip it in the bud anyway...

He may have misunderstood a comment his parents made about money and acted on his own free will to try to help the parents out. There may be no issue here at all aside from a kid lacking common sense.

I don't think you'll really know until you talk to the parents.

**Contrary Housewife** · 11-06-2009, 04:06 PM

I would be tempted to pay a visit when the kid was at school and say that you noticed he was looking for small jobs he could do, and was it ok with the parents if he did more than mow the lawn. This will let you get a look inside the home and maybe an opening into a revealing conversation.