DD21 Pregnant & Moving Home....Help!

**suebeehoney** · 11-14-2009, 11:16 PM

Hi all...

well, life changes on us sometimes, doesn't it? Just when you think you've become accustomed to life as it is, and that you're juggling everything fairly successfully and keeping all the balls up in the air, someone throws you something else to juggle...and it turns out to be a chainsaw!

DD21 has been out of my house since age 18, and since then, has bounced from place to place, job to job, friend to friend, boyfriend to boyfriend (to be fair, only 2 boyfriends). She does not drive, never learned how, and hasn't worked for about 18 months. She has lived off the kindness of friends and strangers for far too long. Now...2nd boyfriend has gotten her pregnant and dumped her at his parents' house, and disappeared. No one can find him, and he doesn't answer his phone. His last contact with his parents was a week ago, when he dropped DD21 off there and said he'd be back for her a few days later - then he called a day or so afterwards and said he wasn't coming back.

I've managed to get her a bus ticket and she is coming home to live with me. Obviously there are some major changes to be made to her lifestyle, and she knows it. I told her living with me comes with rules, and she understands that. I was a little upset at first - more disappointed than upset, I guess - but I'm past that now and just need to get her back here (she's 700+ miles away) and get her tested to confirm the pregnancy, then get her started on some good prenatal care. If I don't miss my guess, she could be about 3 months along already.

Anyway, I guess my whole point of this post (other than to rant!) is to ask for advice, tips, baby freebie links, coupon links for baby stuff, etc.

I wasn't sure where to post this...it could belong in SO many categories! So I hope the powers that be will forgive me for posting it here.

**AnW819** · 11-14-2009, 11:30 PM

I feel in a similar situation as your daughter. I am 21, and just moved back home with my husband to live with my dad. I moved out when I was 17 because I got pregnant, but then I miscarried. I did not feel ready to move out when I was 17. I still needed that guidance from my dad. I felt it all came so soon. When I ask myself why I am back living with my dad again..its because I don't think I was prepared to move out on my own. I think it will be hard for both of you, but you can do it. You have a wonderful thing coming; a grand baby. I think its good you are letting her move back in with you. I am sure she will feel very comforted to be with her mom while being pregnant. That's so sad about her boyfriend though. I wonder why he did that

I wish you both the best of luck

**Rebookie** · 11-15-2009, 12:02 AM

Go to all the baby sites like similac, enfamil, gerber, carnation good start, babies r us,

That's all I know.. Get her on WIC if she is.. No shame in using it!

**Jayceef** · 11-15-2009, 12:30 AM

Hi Sue I am pregnant as well. If you just google baby sites there is alot that will come up for you. I can't name any off hand but the same goes for coupon sites and such. I have gotten some neat things for free by going to these sites. Good luck with everything.

**frugalfranny** · 11-15-2009, 01:22 AM

Whew.....SBH.....good luck. Take a deep breath and hang in there...you can do it.

Not only the online stuff but start calling the gov't agencies to see what sort of help she will qualify for....WIC, medicaid, etc. If it is going to hurt her qualifying for it by her living there, you might want to help her get her own place, so she will have the medical help etc......not sure how it works but check it out.

**pollypurebred39** · 11-15-2009, 02:11 AM

I'm a fan of Ikea. I bought my niece a crib that turns into toddler bed and a changing table that turns into a dresser for a VERY reasonable price. Her Mom bought the crib matress from Ikea also and it was very inexpensive also. The catalog is great, as is the website, but often you get there and there's stuff not listed and it's for a really great price. Also their after Christmas sale is killer and I've walked away feeling like I almost stole from them!

They have great baby toys, highchairs, bibs, toilets, rattles, baby organizers, etc. all for very reasonable prices. It's worth the look see.

Sending prayers,
Polly

**Lora88** · 11-15-2009, 06:46 AM

Praying for all of you its a tough situation but you will be getting a grandchild so congrats on that. It will work out not without a few tears but it will none the less. Stay strong and remember to enjoy your daughter and the little one

**NikoSan999** · 11-15-2009, 08:38 AM

Smartsource.com and coupon.com very often have coupons for disposable diapers if going to use them. Sometimes for other baby items as well. print off the internet. Also can look on ebay for coupons for formula. just search the name of the formula or whatever and tons should show up. Same with Desitin, Johnsons etc. Coupons on there are cheap.

**frugalwarrior** · 11-15-2009, 08:52 AM

Try and reframe. She has come home and you can make sure she is getting proper medical care for the pregnancy. When she is finished w/ the pregnancy see if she can go and get a DL. Pretty hard to work w/o out one. See if she can get into a job skills program w/ daycare. Salvation Army has lots of baby stuff. Just get a new carseat.

**jamie79** · 11-15-2009, 10:16 AM

One thing I would make clear is that the baby is her responsibility and it is time to grow up and go get some marketable skills. She can take a class while waiting for the baby to be born to learn to type or something.

**suebeehoney** · 11-15-2009, 10:31 AM

Thank you all SO much for the support and suggestions. I'm not naive enough to think this is going to be easy, by any stretch, but I do have faith that things will work out in time.

I am back to listing like crazy on Ebay to try and make extra money, as I was working 2 jobs until just recently, and decided to quit the 2nd one as I saw it wasn't a good thing for my son to be alone so much. He's almost 18 (tomorrow!) and is a senior this year, and is struggling. I lost the child support I was receiving when DS11 decided to move to dad's house in another state this summer, and the state says one child here/one child there = no child support changing hands. Never mind the fact that he's remarried and has 2 incomes in his household compared to my 1 income. So I took a 2nd job to make up for the loss of child support, but the extra income was hardly worth it if DS18 is needing my help with schoolwork and I'm not there to provide it. Wouldn't be much of a parent if I kept the 2nd job to make money while his education went down the tubes.

I will be (first) confirming the pregnancy is real with another test that I can see for myself, since DD21 hasn't been entirely honest with me for the past couple of years about what's been going on in her life (a mom knows when her kid is lying...). Then, (second), I'll have to take a day off from work (unpaid, unfortunately) and get her to the local agency to see what we qualify for in the way of help. There's a state website for MI that allows you to input your info and tells you what you qualify for in the way of help, but for some reason, that keeps saying that only DS18 qualifies for Medicaid - not DD21, the one that needs it! So we have to figure that out. Then, (third), if she IS in fact pregnant, we'll work on getting her the prenatal care she needs, and getting things ready for the coming baby. She is going to have to take over DS11's bedroom for the time being, since he is living with his dad. I don't have a choice - it's an empty bedroom, and she needs a place.

Anyway, thanks so much for the tips on the freebies, etc. I'll be surfing later today and checking them out, in between Ebay listings!

I REALLY appreciate the kind words and thoughts, and suggestions!

**frugalfriend** · 11-15-2009, 11:02 AM

Sounds like you have a good start on things and are doing the best you can! Check out Freecycle in your area for free baby equipment and clothing. Many people want to give things away to someone who can really use them. Sending you hugs and prayers! Keep us updated on how things are going.

**Michelle68** · 11-15-2009, 11:11 AM

Hugs to you, Suebee. This is a tough situation for all of you, but at least you have each other and the baby will have a caring family. I was 18 and single when I became pregnant with my DD. The situation was similar to your daughter's, in that the biological father wanted nothing to do with her. I was able to get my care through the city clinics throughout the pregnancy and I gave birth at the county hospital. I received good care throughout and was able to receive WIC and aid until I went back to work when she was a couple of months old. There is assistance out there and I would start looking into it immediately after the pregnancy is confirmed, if I were you (or her). Good luck to all of you.

**MaryCarney** · 11-15-2009, 01:30 PM

She needs to be SURE and file for paternity - and get child support. Start working on keeping track of him right away - don't let him get away and 'lost'. My sister was mad at her child's father and never pursued him. He up and died - he was a railroad employee and her son would have recieved his pension, but she was too stubborn to listen to reason.

**suebeehoney** · 11-15-2009, 03:44 PM

Thank you all so much!

I'm not sure if I mentioned it before, but I made sure she got the bf's full name and social security number from his parents before she leaves their house. If we can't reach him by any other means, then by God, we WILL reach him that way - when and if he ever gets a job that doesn't pay under the table. She has done that, so at least we have that to go on.