Do you favor one child over another?

**brenda67** · 11-23-2009, 12:27 PM

I love all my children...I'm however closer to my oldest son more then my two younger fella's..I have seen some mother's favor one child more then their other children and that has made me open my eyes in regards to my own kids..I would never want to hurt my kids by them thinking I love them less then their siblings..My oldest son has alway's been very close to me as my other two are closer to their Dad...Is this common??? I'm just curious..

**Daisygirl** · 11-23-2009, 12:34 PM

My kids would say that I do: the big one because she has more responsibilities than the little one, and the little one because her sister has more priveleges than she does.

My oldest is very close to her father and my youngest is very close to me. I don't thinkj that we are "favoring" each other, just that we all have different relationships with different people.

I don't think we love one of our children "more" than the other, just "differently".

Girlies, if you read this, mom loves you to pieces in two different but equally wonderful way.

**Mummy2** · 11-23-2009, 12:35 PM

It depends on who is harassing me more....

I was crying this weekend and my DS8 came and hugged me and wanted to know what he can fix to make me stop crying, I loved him more right then.

My DD9 wanted to just cuddle on the couch before bed, I loved her more then.

It all depends on the situation but it evens out at the end of the day.

On other days I would happily sell them to the lowest bidder based on the harassment factor.

**my4littlebuffaloes** · 11-23-2009, 01:59 PM

I don't know about loving them more, but I have definitely have a soft spot for my third child. He just had such a rough beginning and still struggles with things now, 7 years later. Everything is just harder for him. It makes me worry more I guess?

**valerian** · 11-24-2009, 10:11 AM

I hope that I don't favor one over the other. I tend to stick up for the youngest one more because I know that my middle son picks on him a lot. I love all three of them so much, but there are times when I don't like one or two or all three of them. There are days when they'd try the patience of God!

**ahmom** · 11-24-2009, 10:26 AM

It was easier to parent the one over the other. It just looked like I favored one over the other.

**2ndGenGranola** · 11-24-2009, 10:27 AM

I love all my kids equally. They each do have their own individual qualities that make them lovable, special and such.

To me I see it like math. There are several things that equal 10 ---- 5+5 or 2+2+2+2+2 or 1+9 ...but it is all 10.

**monkeywrangler71** · 11-24-2009, 10:28 AM

Everyone is unique and some people are just naturally more compatible with each other. If someone has one child whose personality is more compatible with their own than their other children, it's going to seem like they are favouring that child (even if they aren't) because their relationship is just easier and more relaxed.

**joyofsix** · 11-24-2009, 11:23 AM

My kids argue over this, but each one thinks I favor a different one. I think if they can't all agree that it's just one who is loved more I must be treating them pretty equally.

**WV_mom_of2** · 11-24-2009, 11:29 AM

Originally Posted by 2ndGenGranola

I love all my kids equally. They each do have their own individual qualities that make them lovable, special and such.

To me I see it like math. There are several things that equal 10 ---- 5+5 or 2+2+2+2+2 or 1+9 ...but it is all 10.

Very well said! This is me too!

**frugalwarrior2** · 11-24-2009, 11:53 AM

Of course. But not the way you meant. At times 1 will need more guidance or comfort than the other. At that time, i will defiantely favor them. I let the other know exactly what is going on and encourage them to do the same.
I also "like" my children differently at different time. Some stages are harder to live thru, than others. DS and I are doing better as he gets a grip on who he is. Last year was hard. He would yell at me for paying him too much attention and then for being uninvolved. He would yell at me for treating him like a child and then become overwhelmed when given freedom of choice because he had no idea what he wanted.LOL (now).
My DD has had a hard time w/ realizing she is an adult. We are working that out too. She is so unlike me. She is finally moving forward. And needs me less.
It's all good (and bad). It's like a blind folded ride on a roller coaster you woke up on one day.

**frugalfranny** · 11-24-2009, 02:27 PM

Very interesting read.........as a child from a multiple chilren family, and as a mother that only raised one, I often wondered about that.....and know what I felt while growing up.

Not sure I could do it........heck, I have a favorite dog!!!

**jennordhavn** · 11-24-2009, 02:51 PM

I try not to favor one over the other. However, I think I sometimes do favor my older DD because I feel that she gets the short end of the stick. I think she has a harder time of it because her Dad left when I was pregnant and has very little contact with her, so it was just me and her for almost 6 years, then she got thrown into a blended family situation. I think it's hard for her in a lot of ways. Plus she's older, easier to deal with and more like myself so I "get" her in a lot of ways. I love my 3 yo "baby". But she has always grown up with a Dad and a solid, stable family, so I guess I feel like she has it better in someways. I don't do it on purpose.

I do love them equally, but I treat them differently. Plus with the age gap and VERY different personalities, different methods work when dealing with them.

**Michelle68** · 11-24-2009, 10:18 PM

I find that I make more allowances for my DD (21) because of her developmental delays and learning disabilities. I'm a lot more protective of her . But my DS (13) and I are far more alike, personality-wise. So much so, that even my DH often comments on it. He and I share a similar quirky sense of humor and we talk very easily. I don't think that I favor one child above the other, I love them both more than the world, but differently because they are different people. I've seen how one child is favored over others in some families, and it's difficult for me to understand how a mother (or father) can be that insensitive to the kid(s) that aren't considered their "favorite".

**mommy4ever** · 11-25-2009, 01:55 AM

I have 4 kids. Do I love them, absolutely. Equally? Yup. Do I treat them all the same? Not a chance. How can a 6 yo and a 15 yo be treated the same. I can't depend on ds 15 to babysit, but can trust dd12 to do so. Is it unfair? In the eyes of the 15 yo, yes, in the eyes of the 12yo, yes. In the parental eyes....no. DS is easily distracted and very easily tempted into silly things at home. BUT, ds15 can go biking on his own with his friends, dd12 can not. Is it fair? Not in their eyes. But one is a tiny little girl, one is a fairly big boy, who's friends are even bigger. She is smart enough to go but in a large city... not safe from the outside world.

ANd of course, there is the personality of each to consider. Just like every person you meet, you will relate to each person differently. Sometimes ds is so much like I was, it is scary, and other times so much NOT like I was. It's hard to understand where he is coming from. Yes, he's a teen and he is having issues between actions and judgement(Or lack thereof). And I was always a very cautious teen. So we butt heads with him much more often than the younger ones. DD12 was born a little old lady in a new body. She's reliable, uncannily intuitive, and a good kid.... but a nag. Comes iwth being a little old lady reborn in a childs body. So most days we are fine, but when the nagging starts..... my word it tries my patience. DD10 is a riot. She gets us laughing and giggling. She's bright and intelligent and a weirdo. But figures she "Deserves" every thing her older siblings have or do. Entitlement attitude drives me bonkers. The hard done by attitude that she shares iwth her older brother..lol. ANd the littlest is a princess, in many ways. Sweet and cute, and adorable, and fun and so cuddly. Yet very much a princess in her demanding pouting ways.

So none of them are perfect. Heck I know I am far from it, I know I can be hard to get along with... you can tell by how many friends I have..lol. (can be counted on one hand). So there are times that I don't like the kids too much for their attitudes, and sometimes they don't like me all that much.... for ds15, that is most days..lol... at least for another couple years. He hates that I threaten to get a g-string and where my pants below the crack of my butt and tell him I'll make sure I wear when his friends come over..... he mutters and tells me that its' gross.... and I tell him, then why is it acceptable for him to go around iwth his underwear hanging out..lol. He pulls them up for a bit.

The fact is we will relate better with some people than others. Your own children included. DD12 is daddy's girl. DD10, was mommy's girl, now daddy's girl. DD6 at the moment is my girl. DS15? Well, we think he's gone underground and denies being related to any of us..lol. So yes the kids get treated differently, they are all different. Materially, they are equal. Time, well, it's not equal... it can't be, dd6 needs help with a lot more, the others are more independant. But it balances out. once upon a Time ds15 had me exclusively to himself, none of the others have had that opportunity.

But I love them all, as batty as they can drive me, as often as I ask people if they want some kids..... I love them all to pieces, and there isn't anything I wouldn't do to keep them well and safe. They might not get the gadget they really wanted, that's a want. But wellbeing and healthy, I'd move heaven and earth to preserve or regain it. Lord help the person who tries to harm any of my kids, I'm a mama bear, I'm their advocate in all they do, I am the guidancy counsellor, and their warden when needed. All to shape them into a wonderful productive member of society.