People with money ----this makes me mad

**dwnloom** · 11-24-2009, 02:25 PM

I'm sorry I need to vent.

I have a friend that has lots and lots of money.....I know for a fact that she does....(I have seen some of her statements, bills etc.) It just drives me crazy when she whines and complains about not having money and how broke she is. I am about to be layed off, my son has some serious medical problems($6000 each med treatment) etc...

She expects me to feel sorry for her....hello....she doesnt have a financial issue at all..... I know she just wants to have some one to talk to and something to say, but this isnt it....

what do you guys do in this situation?

**Emjo** · 11-24-2009, 02:31 PM

Wow, that's kind of odd. Why have you seen her bills and statements? Does she leave them out, or does she openly discuss them with you?

I would start responding with things like "Hmm, yes, that sounds difficult. So, what are you planning on doing about it?"...something that turns it back around on her. It probably won't be so fun to whine and complain when she's suddenly expected to solve her own "problems".

QM · 11-24-2009, 02:31 PM

The best thing to do is ignore it as much as possible, or else she might make you go crazy. The people at FV are better to talk to about financial stuff than her because she seems to not get it, IMO. From what you've said, she's all talk. ((HUGS))

**frugalfranny** · 11-24-2009, 02:37 PM

Are you in a friendship with my sister???????

dmnloom.........just IGNORE it or say "yeah right" when she gets going 'on that track'. Or........the 'scary one'........TALK TO HER ABOUT IT!!

You have described my sister EXACTLY..........she is one step away from the poor house. I just learned to ignore...or shut her up with the "yeah, right" comment when she is in her lament about how poor she is....and can't afford this....or that.

The other thing........IF POSSIBLE (with my sister it wasn't) is TALK TO HER about how it makes you feel.........TRUTHFULLY and without attacking. Also.......is part of this out of self-pity? jealous? You have to ask yourself and answer truthfully!!

I also think I deal with that from another friend.......jealously, as I retired early and she would love to to able to do it (but has no money discipline to carry through)......but I just IGNORE her things too...."how much did that cost" ..."what did you buy today"....etc.....etc.

**Teresa T** · 11-24-2009, 02:37 PM

It depends on what you call a lot of money. I am an RN. I work very hard for my money. I have been called "rich" by CNAs at work. I'm hardly rich.

I also ended a online/phone friendship I had had for several years because the woman started making comments on how she resented people who had more than she did.

You could just stop having anything to do with her.

**sabrelvssammy** · 11-24-2009, 02:56 PM

i dealt with a tenant on this last night....she is a month and 1/2 behind on rent...we have already been to court and i let her stay working out a payment agreement with her (which is like pulling teeth to get her to keep)....she's been with me for 4 yrs...always paid on time up till the past 9 months so i was ok with her....

i have done everything possible to work with her when others would have just thrown her and her 3 kids out on the street.... but anymore i get the "i don't have it coz..... the kids needed clothes, it was jr's b-day, someone broke in and stole the rent money (yes-she DID use that one)....we needed this...we needed that...(and most were NOT needs, but wants)...anyway... i have worked with her letting her make payments, not charging her late fees, not calling the court on her every wk when the agreement has been 'modified' by 'her'....but last night i was at my wits end when she missed another wks payment and told me she would catch it up with next months rent... "absolutely not" was my response...find the money...or go ahead and move.....well amazingly enough 15 mins later she called me and told me she would have the missed payments..."great" i told her...then she says..."its my kids x-mas money but i'll have it"...and what she WANTED for me to say right then and there was "oh heavens no... don't use the kids x-mas money...they need a x-mas..." but what she got was "well, ok... you do what you got to do..this just needs to be paid immediately"....(let someone else suffer with non-payments this week...that's mean i know..but i've done my time)....

the thing is the woman can afford to pay her rent...but other 'obligations' keep getting in the way....she needs to stop going to wal-mart & mcdonalds (with 3 kids in tow) and then she won't have the 'big-bad landlord barking at her door'...

this pity party is over with these people.......

**dwnloom** · 11-24-2009, 03:02 PM

I know that she has lots and lots of money, because we have the same financial advisor - he hasnt told me $amts, but has said she will never ever run out of money.....Also, I have worked with her to organize her statements....

An example - she will whine about how broke she is, then go and spend 1000 on something that she doesnt really want....

**ncarr** · 11-24-2009, 03:04 PM

good for you sabrelvssammy! I hate when people take advantage of others.

**nodmicks** · 11-24-2009, 03:06 PM

I'm curious what is considered lots and lots of $. Lots is different to everyone. I would personally just tell her it is rough all over and she just has to deal with it and change the subject. I can see how that could be very annoying to listen to her. Have you ever told her you have problems of your own to worry about like the 6k treatments?

**nodmicks** · 11-24-2009, 03:09 PM

Originally Posted by Teresa T

It depends on what you call a lot of money. I am an RN. I work very hard for my money. I have been called "rich" by CNAs at work. I'm hardly rich.

I also ended a online/phone friendship I had had for several years because the woman started making comments on how she resented people who had more than she did.

You could just stop having anything to do with her.

I get snarky comments and so does dh about how we must be loaded since he drivers semi for ups. Annoys the living crud out of me. I wonder where our stash of $ must be? We sure don't know where the big tash is only the EF we diligently saved. Peoples attitudes that everyone else get all the brakes in life just annoy me!

**Teresa T** · 11-24-2009, 03:09 PM

You gave a perfect case sabrelvssammy.

dwnloom, There will always be those that have more than you. But many more that have less. This friendship sounds kind of toxic if you don't mind my saying. It does not sound like it benefits you. Is there a reason why you can't just end it?

So true nodmicks

**Thevail** · 11-24-2009, 03:09 PM

I agree that hearing people whine is annoying.. about anything... much less about an imaginary problem.. especially when you're having the problem for real.

Imagine having cancer and listening to hypochondriachs.
Or being homeless and hearing about how crappy someone's apartment is.

But, people listen to me whine all the time about my electric bill, when mine's pretty low so...

**Minner77** · 11-24-2009, 03:10 PM

sabrelvssammy --

We're landlords, too, and have learned the hard way that we needed to just get tough. We let a long-term "inherited" tenant slide for months. Long story short, he was lying out of both sides of his mouth. We finally realized that since he owed us well over $2000, it was like lending $2000 -- unsecured -- to a virtual stranger. Cost us a lot of money to evict him and $8000 to remodel his place (long story; we'd only owned the place a year and it really needed work). We want to be compassionate, but we can't afford to be out that kind of money, we just can't. And we have a new tenant we just slammed a pay or quit notice on immediately after her second late payment. She tried giving us sob stories, but we've already caught her lying and we just have got to stop it before it starts.

Now, re the woman in the first post "having money." Perhaps it's just semantics, but if she's *truly* broke, she really doesn't, does she? She's made horrid choices. She's "broke." There are people who make less than she does who "have" more money than she does because they are wise in their spending. The argument can and should be swiftly and stenuously made that she *can* have more, but in the meantime, maybe she doesn't -- and it's all her own fault. JMHO.

**Teresa T** · 11-24-2009, 03:15 PM

Originally Posted by nodmicks

I'm curious what is considered lots and lots of $. Lots is different to everyone. I would personally just tell her it is rough all over and she just has to deal with it and change the subject. I can see how that could be very annoying to listen to her. Have you ever told her you have problems of your own to worry about like the 6k treatments?

I can see how this could get irritating with this woman related to the original post. This woman sounds as if she is not grateful for anything she has. Maybe more for her is never enough. She complains to people who have much more to deal with than she does.

Lots of people like that in this world. I wouldn't put up with her. But I'm easily annoyed and speak my mind too.

**shoiji** · 11-24-2009, 03:17 PM

I know of one person who likes to say she is on a limited budget so she can't do something. Only to find out the next day she went shopping somewhere. Or ordered takeout or went to a convenience store for groceries. I wonder sometimes what reality she is in. I just tell myself everyone can spend their money however they want.