I need an intervention!!!

**jas** · 11-30-2009, 07:08 PM

I have just been going over the books and I have totaled up my families eating out expense for 11 months of 2009 we still have one to go argh!! $1860.00!!!!

Mind you most of this is me and dd when we are out and about. There are some dinners with the whole family plus ds's gf. That may total 300.00 of it. One really nice dinner with dh and I $100.00. The rest are places like Panera Bread, Chili's, Olive Garden and of course the little burger places.

Talk about bonding time yikes! I just showed her the total and even her eyes bugged out. Not sure I want to come all out with dh right this moment. Of course some he knows about, he was there. He does know dd and I eat out quite a bit because we bring him home a doggie bag. He would be shocked at the cost I am sure though.

He has been blessed with side work this year and after taxes and other money set aside we each have gotten a portion to keep aside for things. He saves his for the 1979 Monte Carlo he is restoring (it was his first car). Mine usually gets spent on extra house things and EATING OUT!

I have to cut down drastically this coming year. I will have to do a lot no eating out bonding with dd. Or way cheaper for sure. It is shocking to see it all added up!!

I can really see that one of my unfrugal ways is eating out!

thanks for letting me rant on my bad habit!

**sabrelvssammy** · 11-30-2009, 07:32 PM

its amazing how quickly it all adds up even though most of the time it seems so insignificant..... good for you on taking the time to see what kind of damage it is really doing in the long run... now that you have seen the light it may make the process of reining it in a little easier... good luck to you.....

**jas** · 11-30-2009, 07:38 PM

Yes, seeing how a lunch or dinner here or there at the time seems like not a big deal, but added up is significant.

There always seems at the time a good reason to eat out. I cook at home MOST of the time. I make my own bread and a ton of other frugal mided things, but this eating out is for sure my weakness. And I need to reign it in.

Let me say though none of it is/was put on credit. It was paid for at the time we ate it. I could have put a much bigger dent in my debt payments.

**NikoSan999** · 11-30-2009, 09:37 PM

I don't know how old your daughter is. My last at home just turned 18. She would live in a restaurant, Chilis, Red Lobster, Roadhouse etc if she could.

We also USED to do the bonding thing the same way you described. After all our financial stuff last October it had to come to an end. We didn't do it every week but fairly often. So what we did ( and I can't say she wasn't really disappointed for awhile, even a little resentful ) was we would take at least a couple times a month on the weekend just me and her and get a $5 pizza and just go and sit and talk. The bonding came from sitting one on one and talking. Not the food. She has really come to enjoy this. I'm sure she would rather be at Roadhouse but she deals.

You live close to the beach I think. How about a day at the beach picnic? Or another one that she likes even at 18. Just me and her here and we curl up on my bed and talk about anything and everything she cares to talk about from friends to Twilight. I really think this is her favorite. She still calls it mommy and daughter time.

**pollypurebred39** · 11-30-2009, 10:05 PM

Aww Nikko, that's so sweet!

**NikoSan999** · 11-30-2009, 10:25 PM

Originally Posted by pollypurebred39

Aww Nikko, that's so sweet!

Yeah, I can be nice when I'm not ranting and raving about banks and such.

This hanging on the bed and talking thing tho seriously, it's just me and her. She has no competition from anyone and this works for us.

Jas, my ex sister in law, I just remembered this, told me the same thing with both her daughter and son. They are about 23 and 26? now. They used to do this. I remember her telling me one time that some of their best talks came from curling up on the bed and talking everything from life to movies to friends.

**jas** · 11-30-2009, 10:42 PM

Thanks Niko, my dh is 16. We do a lot of just hanging out talking too. She is still willing to chill out with me even when it isn't in a restaraunt. We both saw the total and knew it was way too much. Even if we find ourselves out and want to eat we can make a challenge out of finding new cheap places and ways to slash the cost.

We do live near the beach and we need to take advantage of it. Even if is to take walks after the sun is not so darn hot. There are things to do here that are low or no cost we just need to do them.

She can be thrifty so it is not that she requires going to pricey lunches. We usually start off saying we will only have soup and salad and then add drinks (not adult beverages) and break down and order a meal. So what we started out to have a reasonable meal turns into not so reasonable in the end.

**NikoSan999** · 11-30-2009, 10:49 PM

Originally Posted by jas

Thanks Niko, my dh is 16. We do a lot of just hanging out talking too. She is still willing to chill out with me even when it isn't in a restaraunt. We both saw the total and knew it was way too much. Even if we find ourselves out and want to eat we can make a challenge out of finding new cheap places and ways to slash the cost.

We do live near the beach and we need to take advantage of it. Even if is to take walks after the sun is not so darn hot. There are things to do here that are low or no cost we just need to do them.

She can be thrifty so it is not that she requires going to pricey lunches. We usually start off saying we will only have soup and salad and then add drinks (not adult beverages) and break down and order a meal. So what we started out to have a reasonable meal turns into not so reasonable in the end.

I hope I didn't say anything to offend you. I didn't mean to. If I did I'm sorry.

**SewCrafty** · 11-30-2009, 11:09 PM

Jas, just my 2

here.

I applaud you on the bonding you are doing with your daughter, I really do. :thumbsup:

But with all the budget cuts in schools i.e. home economics (cooking and sewing etc.) . How about showing her HOW to actually make a take-out type of meal that is cost friendly and enjoy it in your backyard or nearby park for a picnic? You will be teaching her a much needed skill and really getting to know her as a person at the same time.

I know this is sounding condescending and I don't mean it to be. It is just that it will be a skill that she can use latter in life and still be a great time spent with your daughter, kwim?

As usual, take what you can use and discard the rest. I mean no disrespect.

**frugalwarrior2** · 12-01-2009, 12:00 AM

Why don't you make collage of things you could have bought for $1800. Put it up where you can see it. When we take out we don't get drinks because we take it home. You got me wondering how much we spend on take out. I doubt its 1/ 2 that but yikes it doesn't take much.

**savvy_sniper** · 12-01-2009, 07:48 AM

We seldom eat out. BUT I always have a handful of coupons in my purse. They don't get used often. But at least when we do eat out, we save money!

**jas** · 12-01-2009, 07:54 AM

Originally Posted by NikoSan999

I hope I didn't say anything to offend you. I didn't mean to. If I did I'm sorry.

Not at all! I didn't think anything you said was offensive I sure as heck didn't take anything that way! Sorry to have you worried about it.

**jas** · 12-01-2009, 08:09 AM

Thanks for all the suggestions! I am sorry to have come across as this is my dd fault calling it bonding time. I am the one with the wallet and the one who likes to eat out! Sure she will gladly eat out too!

I do need to be careful though on her perception of all the eating out, that it is a frugal habit, it is not. She sees all the frugal things that I do to stretch our budget. Some things I do because I find them like a hobby. Dehydrating, and bread making.

She has mentioned that she would (someday) like to learn how to coupon and stockpile. She balks at things that are not on sale when she likes them. (clothes) She knows it is crazy to pay full price when you don't have to with a little planning and patience.

I guess the eating out is my weakness and drug her into the mix by calling it bonding time with her. I eat out with my ds too to be fair. He is older and goes for the eating a free meal not so much bonding time with mom.

I for sure don't want to pass on my bad habits to her about eating out and grabbing food on the run. I will have to pick times to be out and about AFTER I have eaten something at home first, bring a snack to tide us over till we get back home, or maybe in some cases be creative in the choices of what and where to eat.

Thanks again for all the suggestions and I have not taken offense with any of them. I have a weakness and I put it out there for all of you to see. Now I need to work on it. From a lot of angles.

**sabrelvssammy** · 12-01-2009, 08:20 AM

you know after i gave up all the eating out of years past...it seems like that when we do eat out it has become such a 'special treat'.... we find ourselves trying different things that we probably would not have been eating at home.... we can make a burger/fries at home...i however (being so NOT the cook) couldn't fathom making some of the dishes that i see on restaurant menus.....and that is what we try to shoot for....

so by cutting back eating out-- when you do get the chance to 'bond' over a meal...it can be a much better experience (both for the good company and the good meal)....

**tervsforme** · 12-01-2009, 08:26 AM

Mother/daughter bonding time is important. It sounds like you have a great relationship and that is great! I would suggest keeping coupons with you for the restaurants that you like to go to and then if you are tempted, just go to the restaurants with a coupon. If you get hungry while running errands, try keeping snacks with you so that you can eat when you get home. Enjoy your time with her...