Starting a relationship with God

**andrew's mom** · 12-02-2009, 05:12 PM

I am in need of some support. My usual network is unavailable and I am going through some rough stuff right now. I am going through a spiritual trasformation and I am starting new with God. To make a long story short, I am in a recovery program going through my forth step (moral inventory, bringing up painful stuff that has created difficult relationships with myself and others in the past). What I have discovered so far is that I have lived a life full of fear of failure and rejection. My family of origin has always pushed achievement and offered little or no comfort when I failed. I have lived with this all my life and just recently became aware of it. I was also taught that God punishes you if you are bad, you have to behave good all the time.
I am now in a position where I find out God never punishes, judges or criticizes. I am to trust God with my journey of recovery.
This is how I feel. I feel like a child who's just been told she has a different parent who always loved her but the child only discovered the parent now. Not only that but the parent will always love the child, help him, protect him and take care of him always. I am so confused by this paradox and in need of some support.
Has anyone gone through this type of transformation or even faced the same situation?
Sorry for the long post, could not make it any shorter.
Thanks.

**lovestoread** · 12-02-2009, 05:49 PM

Not sure what to say , only wanted to give you a big hug....good luck in your search....

**jas** · 12-02-2009, 06:12 PM

If you want to start a relationship with God are you interested in the God of the Bible or people's idea of who God is?

I ask this because The God of the Bible has many attributes, yes a big one is love, mercy, forgiveness, ect. But at times he does judge people and punish people. Once you know Him and understand more about Him it is the best thing in the world.

The God of the Bible as He reveals himself is not always the same as our human idea of who He is.

Are you willing to let go of preconcieved ideas of who He is?

Now there are lots of people with lots of different ideas of who and what God is so it up to you, do you want to go to the source or not?

**Moor** · 12-02-2009, 06:59 PM

The reason I thanked Jas is that, yes God is a loving God, but more than that, He is the almighty.
There are many faces to God. But yes, He has ALWAYS been there and will ALWAYS be there for you. You have to trust HIM!

**shoiji** · 12-02-2009, 07:36 PM

I have found many people including myself has questioned the relationship with god.

It sounds as if your heart is open to receiving god, and you are realizing important aspects of your life. Try to imbrace what you are realizing since it may very well help in your recovery.

I wish you the best. Take all the time that you need to rediscover your relationship with god and yourself.

HUGS

**Sassyclass** · 12-02-2009, 08:44 PM

You will be in my thoughts and prayers. I think jas said it perfectly.

Cat

**Dixie** · 12-02-2009, 09:34 PM

Hi Andrew's mom! If you are interested in getting to know Jesus, I would suggest reading the Bible, starting with the book of John.

**starsapphire** · 12-02-2009, 09:39 PM

Yep, that 4th step is a real doozy (I'm in recovery too

)

Took me YEARRRSSSSSS to figure out what/who the god of my understanding is, and what our relationship is about. It's a complex issue. Just keep plugging away and you will eventually get your answers.

What does your sponsor say?

PS - I am PROUD of you for your courage in working your 4th step. So many sponsees of mine would sidestep it and eventually fire me before they would do it, when all I wanted was for them to get the courage to plow through it, do a 5th step and reap the rewards. You rock!

**sinopa27** · 12-02-2009, 10:23 PM

{{{{HUG}}}}
Just know that God is a loving God. He is a forgiving God. He is your BFF--best friend forever. He never talks about you. He doesn't deceive you, he doesn't stab you in the back, He doesn't pick on you, He always listens, He is ALWAYS THERE for you.
Maybe you should get a daily devotional that is dedicated to what your situation may be.
I have learned to trust in HIM for everything. His Son, Jesus, died for us so that we can live. His Holy spirit guides us and gives us discernment, reasoning, power, feeling, etc.
You are on your way to a wonderful new life.

**MaryCarney** · 12-02-2009, 11:06 PM

This ONE thing I know about God - He loves you and wants the best for you, a personal, loving relationship.

**vickilynn** · 12-03-2009, 07:24 AM

Find a church, get involved with a small group or life recovery group like Celebrate Recovery.

God is drawing you to Jesus and It's your choice to respond! Read your Bible, start with the book of John, there's where you'll find great understanding about your FAther!

If there is a Bible Study Fellowship in your are they will be having sign up in Jan. Join!

Welcome to the most exciting life reward, victorious life of all as a daughter of the King!

**tigo** · 12-03-2009, 08:37 AM

Sending you hugs. There are tons of internet sites/blogs for those of us in this situation. One of my favorites is
http://www.internetcafedevotions.com/

**Daisygirl** · 12-03-2009, 12:40 PM

When I lost my dad, I found God, which was my father's greatest wish. I feel the blessings and the guiding arm around me every single day now.

I'm happy for you.

**andrew's mom** · 12-03-2009, 02:51 PM

Hi all,
Thank you so much for your hugs and great thoughts and prayers. I am in an emotional recovery program that is based on spirituality rather than religion. I am trying to formulate an idea about God of my understanding. This is where I am now.
However, just after I wrote my post yesterday and I went home, I read some of my recovery material. I realized I was not ready to receive my Higher Power's love and acceptance because I have not yet loved and accepted myself for my past mistakes. I cannot even see my Higher Power because my view is blocked by my self-hate, punishment, guilt, etc. that I have acummulated over the years. My next sole focus is to practice self-forgiveness. I can feel my Higher Power over the wall, feel the power It has been giving me to go through this difficult process but I can't see any further than that. I found some helpful material online and will get help from my sponsor. I know I can do this since I have already forgiven my parents, especially my mom. It took me 2 years to do that but once I did it, I felt such release. I am hoping the same for this process.
I know my Higher Power has brought all these feelings to the surface for me to experience them, take them seriously and let them go. Although I knew about myself to have low self-esteem, I never really did anything about finding out why and try to forgive myself and build some healthy self-esteem. What better guide can I ask than for my Higher Power? Please keep me in your prayers and thoughts. This is the hardest work I have ever done. I can see a little light at the end of the tunnel. I know I no longer want to live my life in fear, self-doubt, self-pity, pain and negativity. As much as this hurts right now, I'd rather go through it and be free than live a lifetime like I have been. That's my best motivation.
Thanks again all, for your love and support.
Mea.