Helping the needy?

**ravenmaniac** · 12-02-2009, 10:31 PM

My school helps needy families every year at Christmas time. The 5 of us who work together in our program gave the name of one of our student's to the guidance department. The child's family was evicted from their home earlier this school year, dad has had trouble finding work, and there are 4 kids ages 12, 11, 9, 2. Our student comes into school wearing dirty clothes and hungry. He does receive free breakfast and lunch. Mom and dad seem to have the money for beer and cigarettes but we figured we would help the kids.

Here's the kicker. The guidance department asked for a list from mom. I do not know what kind of list because mom put on there Ipods, Ipod docking stations, diamond stud earring, brand name clothing and skateboarding shoes, big Tonka trucks, and more. I could not believe my eyes. I thought when you were in need you needed socks, underwear, pjs, slippers, soap, toothbrush, etc.

I refuse to buy any of those items that are "not needed". My daughter is getting a diaper bag and new pair of slippers. My son is getting snow boots and thermal shirts. They also get socks, underwear, toothbrushes, etc. I should not be so amazed by the nerve of some people, even the needy.

Anyone have an enriching story to share? I need to lighten my heart, even toward this family. I will purchase needed items for the kids. Hope they are not disappointed.

**SixxOfDiamonds** · 12-02-2009, 10:46 PM

We just went shopping for a family today. We don't do presents for our family or one another, so this is our only Christmas expense.

While this family probably didn't NEED the gifts, they weren't in a position to spend on those items before necessities. I offered and don't mind buying frivolous toys and things for them because I can afford it right now. Needy or not, a kid is a kid and likes those things. I didn't like getting socks for Christmas, that's for sure. Although, I think asking for an iPod and the like is a bit overdoing it. I asked for a list from this family and simple things were listed. Trucks, cars, baby dolls, princess things, etc.

Here's what we got. For a family of four, a 9 year old, 6 year old, 2 year old and 1 year old.

We do this every year. However, the families we buy for aren't spending money on cigarettes and alcohol, and keep their kids clean and happy otherwise. They also have all the necessary items, just nothing "special" for Christmas. And that's what I like buying, the special things. The things that, when you are a kid, you write over and over on a list to Santa hoping to receive. The things you wish all year for. Sometimes they're small things, sometimes they're not. A child (up to a certain age) doesn't really have the grasp of expensive things.

ETA: I purchased all the things on sale. Some of the clothing items were merely a dollar (and from Target and ToysRUs/BabiesRUs) and even the Wii games were on sale.

**JenMarie** · 12-03-2009, 08:21 AM

Yes, I know exactly what you mean. I have some relatives that appear absolute destitue, but we refuse to help them. The adults are all drug addicts and spend all their money on drugs. They go to every charity they can during the Christmas season. My family is all in Appalachia and most of them are great, however, this one family is the awful stereotypical mountain poverty story. One year we were visiting the area seeing all the other relative and my aunt called and was bragging that they scored seven turkeys and five hams and tons of nice gifts for the kids including bicycles, clothes etc. They ended up letting the kids pick one item to keep and they sold the rest to buy drugs. (so we heard)

We do however, buy for an angel tree child every year. This year we found one with the same name/age as our son. He loves to buy for these and we can do it since we don't buy for any extended family. This year we got:
jeans - $8
shirt- $6
winter coat- $10 - (had a great coupon!)
skateboard - $13
MP3 Player- $15

I think it is important to teach our kids about giving to others. I know that some people take advantage of the generosity of others, but I think those people are in the minority. At least I hope it is that way.

**Neeley** · 12-03-2009, 09:04 AM

I love hearing about everyone's charitable donations. It reminds me there are still many, many giving and loving people out there.

This year we adopted two senior citizens from a local nursing home, a male and a female.

All the make has on his request card is
Can of peanuts
Diet Pepsi
Sugar-free gum/candy

The female requested:
Fuzzy socks
PJ's
Books/magazines
Chocolates
Toiletries

We granted all of the requests and then some. For the male we decided to add a few items he had not requested since his list was so small and simple. For the female we bought everything on her list, a couple of the items we bought multiples of.

There is a local, neighborhood charity we always support and donated toys and other items to them. This particular charity allows parents to come in and "purchase" gifts for their children. It's here for the parents who do not want to accept a handout and want to feel like they have made some type of contribution. Of course, they also allow parents who cannot afford to spend any money to come in and pick gifts for their kids. Once this place "sells" the items, they then turn around and reinvests that money back into the charity. A mom can buy her kids a new bike for a dollar, a child can buy his dad a bottle of cologne for fifty cents, etc...They also provide food, clothing and other services throughout the year.

We are still contemplating doing an Angel Tree child and granting their wish. Each child gets one wish and most have asked for a bike. On their request cards each child's clothing size is also listed. In the past when we have adopted a child I have made it a point to get them toys, books, crayons and other fun items in addition to the clothing and their wish item.

DH donates 1% of his annual salary to the United Way as well. That may not sound like much, but he makes a good salary and receives an annual bonus the equivalent of 10% of his salary so it does add up.

For us, it is all about the joy and happiness that is (hopefully) brought to that individual on Christmas morning, knowing that person feels loved and remembered. It wouldn't be Christmas if, as a family, we didn't give back.

**shoiji** · 12-03-2009, 09:12 AM

Well, you can also remember that the parent probably made out the list. Since I do not see a need for any child to have diamond stud earrings. Grant it the fakes look great also.

On the other hand, since you do work in a school you obviously have seen the light go on when a student all of a sudden understands something. Or maybe a teacher has said something to comfort a student or truly inspired a student. You never know how you may have a positive impact on a child. So give how you see appropriate. It sounds as if the children need to know there are people out in the world who do care. Who want the best for them.

**imagine** · 12-03-2009, 09:22 AM

After reading your replies I'm crying and not a happy cry either.

I went shopping yesterday with my daughter for her Salvation Army tree girl. It was a joyous time. We loved picking out things, deciding what she (the girl) would love. My daughter thinks the girl will love it all. (The girl could very well be my daughter's current best school friend).

We bought a Hanna Montana doll, (from the girls list)
a set of Hanna Montana socks (three socks in a set)
and a Sparkle t shirt
Spent a bit over $20

We spent about the same amount buying this girl's presents as I spent buying my daughter her presents. I spent technically more on this angel tree girl when I spent individually on my relatives (nieces, newphews, MIL, FIL, SIL, BIL, my mother, and my Hubby)

Son will go shopping for his Angel tree boy today.

Now I'm worried that it will not be considered enough. That the person will be sad that we picked their angel off the tree.

**ritabelle** · 12-03-2009, 09:32 AM

I'd probably ask one of the kids, say Santa's been asking me what you want for Christmas this year... or ask the oldest one what is it you really need at home this year. Sounds like the more expensive presents are for the adults, not the kids. I think it's important for the kids to have at least one fun present each, but then focus on what do they need (that the parents can't sell for cigarette money)

{{Hugs}} to you for looking out for these kids.

**imagine** · 12-03-2009, 09:36 AM

Originally Posted by ravenmaniac

Anyone have an enriching story to share?

I have a few.

Back when my daughter was in kindergarten she noticed that a classmate didn't have mittens and you need them here. So we bought a pair for her clearance section for $1. The girl was very happy and told every one who would listen that her friend gave her these pretty and soft mittens. That was one happy and warm girl inside and out. The mitten girl and my daugther.

Also after Christmas the kids sometime bring presents to show their teachers. One first grade girl was sitting caressing a Butterfly Barbie. She wanted to show me how pretty her Christmas present was and how her wings made her into a butterfly.

After commenting on beautiful the Barbie is, I asked, "Who gave her to you?" The girl answered "I don't know who the person was" and she went back to talking about special her Christmas present is. ( I'm guess the unknown person who bought the beautiful butterfly barbie picked this girls name from the angel tree)

**Emjo** · 12-03-2009, 09:58 AM

Originally Posted by imagine

After reading your replies I'm crying and not a happy cry either.

I went shopping yesterday with my daughter for her Salvation Army tree girl. It was a joyous time. We loved picking out things, deciding what she (the girl) would love. My daughter thinks the girl will love it all. (The girl could very well be my daughter's current best school friend).

We bought a Hanna Montana doll, (from the girls list)
a set of Hanna Montana socks (three socks in a set)
and a Sparkle t shirt
Spent a bit over $20

We spent about the same amount buying this girl's presents as I spent buying my daughter her presents. I spent technically more on this angel tree girl when I spent individually on my relatives (nieces, newphews, MIL, FIL, SIL, BIL, my mother, and my Hubby)

Son will go shopping for his Angel tree boy today.

Now I'm worried that it will not be considered enough. That the person will be sad that we picked their angel off the tree.

I don't think so at all. Santa WILL be bringing what she asked for (the doll) AND a few other things! Imagine if you'd decided not to give at all because you couldn't give enough, and then no one else had picked her name from the tree.

**Contrary Housewife** · 12-03-2009, 10:15 AM

I have given to two local food banks. It's not as exciting as buying christmas presents, but I know it will help those in need this winter.

**imagine** · 12-03-2009, 10:36 AM

Originally Posted by Emjo

I don't think so at all. Santa WILL be bringing what she asked for (the doll) AND a few other things! Imagine if you'd decided not to give at all because you couldn't give enough, and then no one else had picked her name from the tree.

The girl actually had more things listed on her list.

Hanna Montana dolls, Hanna Montana pillow where listed in one color ink and the in another color ink ( the same as the number code) was listed puzzles, High school musical toys or dvds, I Carly toys.

As well as the full list of sizes she wears

All the Salvation Army angel tags in our town are filled on this thoroughly.

**Surilda** · 12-03-2009, 11:45 AM

I had never heard of the angel tree program. Such a
wonderful idea. I looked it up in my city where to
go, and I will be going this weekend to choose my
angel. I will probably choose a girl so my 9 year old
Granddaughter can go shopping with me. Is the
age of the child on the tree or just a name?

I love the idea of adopting someone from a nursing home!
Is there usually a program for this or does one need to
call and ask the nursing home about adopting someone?

**imagine** · 12-03-2009, 11:58 AM

Originally Posted by Surilda

I had never heard of the angel tree program. Such a
wonderful idea. I looked it up in my city where to
go, and I will be going this weekend to choose my
angel. I will probably choose a girl so my 9 year old
Granddaughter can go shopping with me. Is the
age of the child on the tree or just a name?

I love the idea of adopting someone from a nursing home!
Is there usually a program for this or does one need to
call and ask the nursing home about adopting someone?

Our Angel tree doesn't have names on it. the tag says if it is a boy or a girl and the age

It also lists size info and their wishes for a toy and/or other thing.

Enjoy

**Neeley** · 12-03-2009, 12:20 PM

Originally Posted by Surilda

I had never heard of the angel tree program. Such a
wonderful idea. I looked it up in my city where to
go, and I will be going this weekend to choose my
angel. I will probably choose a girl so my 9 year old
Granddaughter can go shopping with me. Is the
age of the child on the tree or just a name?

I love the idea of adopting someone from a nursing home!
Is there usually a program for this or does one need to
call and ask the nursing home about adopting someone?

Our Angel Tree cards tell the age and sex along with the clothing sizes and one wish item.

As far as adopting a senior, ours was done through a program similar to the Angel Tree program. However, most nursing homes allow individuals to adopt their residents. If you call the nursing home, your local area council on aging, or the Meals on Wheels program they should be able to set you up with a needy or lonely senior to adopt for Christmas.

**SixxOfDiamonds** · 12-03-2009, 12:21 PM

Originally Posted by imagine

After reading your replies I'm crying and not a happy cry either.

I went shopping yesterday with my daughter for her Salvation Army tree girl. It was a joyous time. We loved picking out things, deciding what she (the girl) would love. My daughter thinks the girl will love it all. (The girl could very well be my daughter's current best school friend).

We bought a Hanna Montana doll, (from the girls list)
a set of Hanna Montana socks (three socks in a set)
and a Sparkle t shirt
Spent a bit over $20

We spent about the same amount buying this girl's presents as I spent buying my daughter her presents. I spent technically more on this angel tree girl when I spent individually on my relatives (nieces, newphews, MIL, FIL, SIL, BIL, my mother, and my Hubby)

Son will go shopping for his Angel tree boy today.

Now I'm worried that it will not be considered enough. That the person will be sad that we picked their angel off the tree.

I think it will be considered enough. We sometimes go a bit overboard, but I think the main reason why is because we don't have children yet. Buying for a needy family is our ONLY Christmas expense. We don't buy for relatives, friends or even one another because we don't NEED anything (and to be honest, most of us don't want for anything either). We don't do angel tree gifts, I track down a family on my own who I think could use a bit of relief during the Christmas season. We try to provide all the Christmas presents so that the parents don't have to worry about it and can instead focus their money on more necessary things (like heat and food). I believe the Angel Tree program isn't an all-encompassing thing, but a supplemental thing. I may be wrong, but that's what I thought it was.

I know that the next few years we'll have to curb it down a bit. Simply because we'll also have our own child to purchase gifts for. But we'll still probably get more for families in need because they won't be receiving things year-round or from family either, like Baby Q will.

Honestly though, what it comes down to is the simple fact of giving anything. You didn't HAVE to, you CHOSE to take your time and money and donate it to somebody else. I also don't think it's expected that a child's wish list be 100% fulfilled. Mine never were, and I never thought twice about it.