Very depressed

**pop goes the weasel** · 12-18-2009, 02:25 PM

I must apologize for the depressing thread. The holidays are here. The time for family fun and enjoyment for most. For me it's a depressing and sad time. Don't get me wrong I love the holidays just not what goes with it. I love family get togethers, the good food and stories. But this year things have been stressed to the hilt. If you have read my other thread about my Sd you'll understand. Things never get better just worse. To the point now that we are getting very little for anyone. Which is no biggie because that's the way to celebrate the season in my book. But to some it means buy buy buy. Sd is 15. Old enough to understand things but chooses not to. My dd wanted a list from my sd for Christmas. An affordable one. Three times she made a list and everyone had things on it that are well over 100 bucks a pop. None of us can afford this and she knows this. So she comes home from school telling stories of the things her "friends" are getting or already have. This just makes her dad feel like at first a failure, but now he's just plain mad. Says she; isn't getting anything at all so she'll learn what the real reason for Christmas is. He is ready to just give up as am I/. I'm tired of her games and manipulations. ( she tries to manipulate but we knw better). Is it too much to ask to have one day that goes good? I'm sorry for the long rant but like I told my MIL, I don't care anymore. If she wants to live somewhere else that she thinks is better, I'll pack her bags!!If that makes me a mean person then so be it. Thanks to all you guys for everything. I'll be the one wearing the Grinch outfit at the mall. If you see me say hi. Happy holidays.

**mauimagic** · 12-18-2009, 02:32 PM

PGTW - my heart goes out to you to have this continual stress in your lives. Don't think you can change her - but you know that.

Although her constant attitude is such a challenge, is there anything that you can do to not let her affect you to such a great degree? It's sad that she is exerting such control over your family. Many prayers and aloha to you and your family.

**ml2620** · 12-18-2009, 02:34 PM

Pop, hugs to you. When I think back, I remember my teen Christmases to be particularly stressful and unhappy, now I know why! I swear, between the ages of 12-20, kids should be shipped off to a labor camp for the holiday week.

Just wanted to say I understood the unhappiness. I received my infertility diagnosis 5 weeks ago, and I'm coping with it in my own way - which is keeping to myself. My extended family has been awful, and just can't understand why I don't want to spend Christmas Eve with my younger (pregnant for the 2nd time in two years) sisters new house? They keep telling me to grow up and get into the spirit of Christmas and "smile for the family." And I just won't have it.

Hey, maybe you should send SD over to my house and we can both act like spoiled, miserable brats together?

Can't wait for January.

**pop goes the weasel** · 12-18-2009, 03:02 PM

It wouldn't be so bad if she didn't know better. When she came here almost 4 years ago she thought that since I wasn'tworking anymore we were rich. Somene told her that when you retire you're rich. Wouldn't that be great. Since she found out otherwise it's been down hill ever since. Her grandparents on her mothers side do have money and they always made sure she got name brand high dollar stuff. But not anymore since her mother is in jail again and we have custody. She has even said that the world owes her.Where she came up with that we have no clue.I have a 35 year old daughter that has never given me a bit of trouble. Maybe this is why it's so hard to understand things, I don't know. But it's gotten to the place where she won't even take my sd shopping for school clothes anymore or anywhere else for that matter. You can mess with me but don't even think of messing with my kid is the way I feel. I raised her on my own without all the frills and she turned out fine. And I don't treat my sd any different than I did her. And I think a labor camp would send her back to be truthful. Her dad has given her a choice either get her act together or she's out of her on her 18th birthday. I will see to it that he sticks with it.
signed
"The Wicked Stepmother

**shoiji** · 12-18-2009, 04:56 PM

So sorry you are going through this. Sending hugs your way. Try to stay strong with putting your foot down. Realize not easy with the current situation. However, you would be doing your sd a disservice if you let her have anything she wants. We all know here that life is not that way. It is a really difficult lesson to learn. It sounds as if she needs someone to talk to that is not family. Hopefully she will see the light.

**dcompton** · 12-18-2009, 07:13 PM

It is so sad to see situations like this where one person's unrealistic views and selfishness holds everyone else's happiness hostage. Your DH may well stick to his guns -- it sounds like there are three more years for him to put up with her manipulativeness.

She is probably making herself even more miserable than she is making you, but I know that is not the least bit comforting. It's not easy, but I hope that you will be able to enjoy the holiday at least a little. It's a shame she's too old to sit in the corner until she gets over her sulks!

**pat in east texas** · 12-19-2009, 08:48 AM

I think I'd tell her if she wants anything at all from you she has to put in a certain number of hours a month at a local food bank, homeless shelter, or the like. I certainly wouldn't buy into the "poor me, my friends have this and I don't" nonsense. Just tell her that life is like that.

**wjcalderon** · 12-19-2009, 08:55 AM

I say, let HER be the one who's miserable when she doesn't get her way.
Just do your best to ignore her and go on with the rest of your Christmas and family as usual.

**Incognito** · 12-19-2009, 09:38 AM

Sorry you're feeling so stressed; I understand, having raised 3 teenage boys by myself.

Just a suggestion:
Get a little budget book from the Dollar Store for your SD, or even an old school notebook with her name on it.
Have SD make a wishlist of the stuff she wants.
Have her number the stuff she wants in order of importance.
Then write down the amount of what you can afford and are willing to buy for her. Make a contract.
Then suggest ways she could earn the rest of the money to buy what she wants most: babysitting, cutting grass, shovelling snow, extra house-hold chores.
Then follow through with it. Keep track of the accounts together, set up a savings account with her at the bank with her own bank book; explain how she could accumulate interest, and the best types of accounts. Baby steps at first, till she gets the idea of earning money in 'real life'; but no doubt some of her friends with all that stuff will be doing paid chores too, so sooner or later she should show more maturity.
All the best.

**mombottoo** · 12-19-2009, 06:12 PM

Give her a lump of coal and a bag of reindeer poop (aka chocolate covered peanuts). The lump of coal for being such a snot and a PITA and the reindeer poop, cuz she's obviously been a little sh** all year.

**I gave my youngest two coal one year and believe me their attitudes changed immensely over the following year!!!

**mauimagic** · 12-19-2009, 06:44 PM

ml2620 - you are definitely not acting like a spoiled brat. There is absolutely no comparison.

My heart and prayers go out to you as you deal with your life now. No way you have to pretend to be happy. I applaud you for taking a positive stand for yourself. Too bad the family is not more compassionate - but then that is their problem

Please take good care of yourself.

**NikoSan999** · 12-19-2009, 07:05 PM

They are calling it the age of entitlement. Go figure. First time I heard the expression I went "huh?"

**2ndGenGranola** · 12-19-2009, 07:39 PM

Originally Posted by mombottoo

**I gave my youngest two coal one year and believe me their attitudes changed immensely over the following year!!!

I'm 44 and still remember the year I got a switch in my stocking.

About 10 years ago I found out it was actually my older brother pulling a dirty trick on me (I think he may have learned something about switches that year). I did shape up after that (even though I wasn't a naughty kid).

**jamie79** · 12-19-2009, 07:52 PM

How can I say this nicely? Next time she gives you or your dh attitude, I would pack her bags and mean it.

**Thrifty Mom** · 12-19-2009, 08:01 PM

My heart goes out to you POP. My step children were raised with too much money & boy are they different from my own kids.They expect everything to be given to them & they want the best of everything.
My kids did chores & had an allowance for their "extras" The step children never heard the word no. We have been married 11 years & I am trying every visit to just be myself & not think about them, but it is hard. They probably throw out more food in a year than we buy. They eat out numerous times a week & their kids have everything. Their mother is still paying their way. They are in their 30's & still tied to mommy's apron strings. She pays their rent, car payments, groceries, kids clothes, vacations & other outings, but they have to do everything she says, like attend all her holiday functions etc. I think my husband has been giving them money & it irks me, but I don't know for sure.
All the grandchildren on that side were born into this world courtesy of Welfare paying their healthcare costs, all the while the girls are getting their eyebrows waxed & hair professionally done every month.. Sorry I turned your rant into my rant. Hang in there. (I have been known to have a little nip before they come, just to take the edge off!!)