Need help processing...

**kaurand554** · 12-19-2009, 12:08 AM

My daughters friends mom called me last night in a total hissy fit (more than once!).... taking her out of catholic high school, no Christmas, taking her phone.... she is a loser... (HER mom's words...), because she is breaking up with a guy "they like"... Did I mention!

She is 14!!!! (and a really nice girl) in her second semester of 9th grade; and breaking up with a boyfriend her mom likes.... her first "real boyfriend" that her parents condoned and let them go to each others houses, mall, etc... (way too early in my opinion, and in my opinion proved to be so)...

My daughter talks, thankfully! and I know that this person (the boyfriend) has been intimate with someone else, and know that they have kissed and he has not pushed, but put her in places she is not comfortable......

I think this is why she is breaking up with him;

Although, in the mean time she is saying she likes a friend of someone in the neighborhood that is less than desirable.......... "truly"

This mom has called every parent in the neighborhood to change her daughter's mind, stay with this boyfriend..... some have...

When she called me I said, she should talk to her daughter and see what changed her mind? They went out for 3 months, 3 days without a fight, (at 14 that IS A LIFETIME!) there just might be something else going on....she told me to talk to her? ME! and find out what!

after I absorbed that! I asked her, she is 14...should she marry him? are you going to get personally involved in every relationship she has til she is god knows what age? THE GIRL IS 14!~ DO YOU EVER WANT HER TO TELL YOU ANYTHING AGAIN? she let you in, on the first boyfriend; which is BIG! she is open, honest and talking...deaf ears........

The girl has been to the guidance counselor twice for crying in school!

I think the processing comes for me in the form of; I have to be loyal to my daughter (I can't tell what I know), and let her know I am trustworthy...even if she is sharing her friends issues we can discuss them. In my opinion she may not face the same circumstance (at 14) she will face them, when I talk to her about what her friend is going through just might sink in, (and it seems to have clicked, she is 11 not dumb) with what I am trying to teach her, she reached out my words to her friend.. (I actually asked her to start a "new diary" of what I am saying applying to someone else, so when I say it to her.... she can look back)...

Amanda has many friends that I would talk to the parent about it; so please don't offer that advise..

**Sassyclass** · 12-19-2009, 11:56 AM

OK, I'm a little confused with what you are doing or asking here but personally the 14 year old friend is as you say way too young for a boyfriend. I myself would tell her mom to handle this herself. She sounds immature IMO, the mom. I'd stay out of this and let them take care of the mess they themselves have created by letting their young daughter date. You are teaching your daughter to be responsible so I'm sure that she will talk responsibly with her friend. Good luck, teenage years are so hard for us girls.

Cat

**cassandra** · 12-19-2009, 11:58 AM

Check the contract you signed. There should be a schedule of your rates and fees attached. You need to call your credit card processor's customer service number and have them review your statement with you in detail to make sure you were charged correctly.

**shoiji** · 12-19-2009, 01:03 PM

Well you are in a difficult position. People do talk and your daughters friends have probably heard things from their parents about the mom calling people. If your daughter asks you about it just tell her exactly what you just told us. Also that you would rather stay out of the mothers business and anytime her friend needs to talk with someone you are always there for her. Don't think there is anything wrong in letting your daughter know you do not aprove of the mothers behavior. For all you know the friend probably thinks the same way. Knowing an adult also thinks the same way would just help her remain strong in her opinion to stay away from the ex-boyfriend. It sounds like the kid is more grown up than the mother. Sad situation to be in for your daughters friend.

**Sassyclass** · 12-19-2009, 01:16 PM

Originally Posted by cassandra

Check the contract you signed. There should be a schedule of your rates and fees attached. You need to call your credit card processor's customer service number and have them review your statement with you in detail to make sure you were charged correctly.

HUH?

I think this is in the wrong thread.

Cat

**NikoSan999** · 12-19-2009, 07:24 PM

I'd stay out of it. Been there, done that. Won't do it again unless it is life threatening. Just be there for the kid if she needs you. Sounds like she needs someone cause the mother is wacko.

The thing no one has mentioned tho is the fact that she says she like someone else who is "less than desireable". I think this is MORE important cause the mother is going to push her straight into god knows what with the less than guy. If she "needs" someone then he may be what she turns to.

Man, I remember 14. Sucks...and then sucks more.

**suebeehoney** · 12-19-2009, 10:51 PM

I agree with Niko - stay out of this one. There is always more to the story than meets the eye. Our pastor's "daughter" (she's not related, but lives with them & they have guardianship of her) recently came over and said they were calling her "slutty" because of a friend she was hanging out with. I let her blow off steam for a bit, but didn't offer advice or judgement other than to tell her I knew how hard it was to be a teenager, and that it was equally as hard to be the parent or guardian of a teen. She went home and they talked it over...it all worked out.

I think you're best to let the girl and her mom work this out.