Does frugality all boil down to perspective?

[nodmicks]

I'm beginning to think a lot of frugality boils down to your perspective on things.

During a conversation yesterday with a really upset friend who is always "short" to pay bills I offered to help with her budget. She was very hysterical because with her new budget she only had $156 left over for groceries for the month. She swears she is as frugal as she can be. I certainly understood why that food budget is upsetting! Especially since they don't garden etc. There is no $ for Christmas either.

So we start with income. Now I always assumed their income was lower than ours because our mortgages are with in dollars of the same with taxes, ins etc. Neither of us have CC debt or car payments. I assumed hers was lower because she is always crying poor.

Shock of shocks their income is $900+ higher per month! We also spend 4 x the amount they do for gas as we both commute 30 miles 1 way. Have ins on 3 cars to their 1.

Same family sizes too. So we go to the bill column: Most of our bills were very similar. Here are the few that were very different.

I was shocked beyond believe to see a satellite bill of almost $200 due to every channel available and multiple pay per view charges. Yikes.

We get to internet high speed cable type . I asked why didn't they get cable through the same company (drop the satellite), drop some channels?. I suggested renting movies at Redbox or free from the library. Oh no they couldn't do that! It is needed . The pay per view is convenient. OK


Girls clothing allowance $150 a month. Come on! Mom is walking around looking like a rag bag because their is no $ for her clothes!


We get to allowance for the kids. $100 a month per kid. I suggested they are 16 and 17 that they get a job or make them buy their clothes etc with that $100 a piece per month. Oh no she said the girls would be upset!!!!

Hubby spending money $ 125 per week. I asked if he bought his personal items like clothes grooming etc out of this since he has a company car and free gas. Nope he mostly buys music. She just can't reduce this because he will get mad!

Beer $ for hubby and his buddys when they are in the man cave. Huh he already gets $125 a week!

After all these and the normal bills there is only $156 for food. I explained how our categories are different and we save every week in EF, sinking funds etc. She said I was lucky we could afford to do this. Lucky?????? We actually make less $. I showed her our budget, my ledger and explained, offered suggestions for what seemed like ages.

She absolutely can not see it. She just can't take these things away from her family she says. They will be mad. I suggested a family meeting where all 4 of them look at the numbers. Oh no it wouldn't work.


So in conclusion I have come to the conclusion that frugality boils down to a matter of perspective.

[ladykemma2]

wow.

perspective.

i get 500 a year for clothes and i look pretty, stylish, like "what not to wear"

if she bumped clothing to 500 per year per family member she would come out ahead. 1500 presently, just for the girls.

bundled service: i pay 183 a month for cell phones, deluxe cable, high speed internet, and home phone.

what do they need 3 cars for?

golly.

edited to add: earth people don't think like we do. two years ago i didn't have this perspective.

[ladykemma2]

me again. i work with a woman who buys new clothes and only wears each outfit once or twice. and then she complains that she can't afford a down payment on a house.

[Dancing Lotus]

Sounds like her hubs and kids are selfish.
They have and mom doesn't.

I'm pretty sure if she just showed them on paper how things were balanced they would feel bad and help.

As far as her kids getting Mad because mom cuts the clothing budget. TOUGH! Lord my kids are mad at me daily

[Dancing Lotus]

me again. i work with a woman who buys new clothes and only wears each outfit once or twice. and then she complains that she can't afford a down payment on a house.

You know , if a person's wardrobe is more important that's fine. BUT then accept that. She needs to accept that she will never be a home owner and be happy with that choice.

[nodmicks]

wow.

perspective.

i get 500 a year for clothes and i look pretty, stylish, like "what not to wear"

if she bumped clothing to 500 per year per family member she would come out ahead. 1500 presently, just for the girls.

bundled service: i pay 183 a month for cell phones, deluxe cable, high speed internet, and home phone.

what do they need 3 cars for?

golly.



edited to add: earth people don't think like we do. two years ago i didn't have this perspective.

Sorry I didn't clairify well WE HAVE 3 CARS . They have 1 plus a everything paid company car. I meant to point out we pay for 3 cars to their one.


I totally forgot to mention the cell phones. 4 through AT&T all with texting, internet etc.

We have two with just minutes. Our teen has a pre-pay he pay for himself.

[nodmicks]

Sounds like her hubs and kids are selfish.
They have and mom doesn't.

I'm pretty sure if she just showed them on paper how things were balanced they would feel bad and help.

As far as her kids getting Mad because mom cuts the clothing budget. TOUGH! Lord my kids are mad at me daily

Uh huh and she likes to be a bit of a martyr sometimes. My kids get mad at me daily too. Especially the oldest.


I debated buying her gifts to give to her kids since she swears there is no $ again. Hubbys says he will shoot me as those kids are already spoiled and I did last year when she cried poor. Then they took off for a weekend in in Chicago right after I gave it.

Anyways I do care but I will just have to tell her this is a subject we just can't discuss because we see things very differently and I can't help unless she is willing to help herself.

[tervsforme]

I totally agree it's a matter of perspective. Some people think they have to have 200 tv channels, how many can you watch at one time anyway? It boils down to what each person/family perceives as needs versus wants.

[nodmicks]

I totally agree it's a matter of perspective. Some people think they have to have 200 tv channels, how many can you watch at one time anyway? It boils down to what each person/family perceives as needs versus wants.

You hit the nail on the head 100%.

[Greebo]

You should meet with her again - this time with her husband in the room.

They have NO hope of a successful budget if they aren't both on board.

[sabrelvssammy]

i certainly think it is ALL about how we view things....

you have spent your own time with her trying to help her out (and from the sounds of it it looks like quite a long time)...you gave her advice, suggestions, and the tools to make a change....the reality of it all is she really doesn't WANT to make a change....she wants to continue on with her current lifestyle and in the meantime expect the problems to just help themselves...hello.....not gonna happen....until SHE makes a change-her problems won't change...until she stops being so 'close-minded' and realize that she is NOT the 'Jones's' this will be a vicious cycle that she will just continue on and on with....

but she has a great big family out there (meaning a good chunk of the rest of the population) that thinks exactly like her...."don't cut my cable...we NEED the 275 channels...yes i NEED the latest cell-phone with a plan that does everything but wash my clothes...heaven forbid that my children have to wear the SAME outfit TWICE...what if someone notices...????!!!!!...and its ridiculous that you think my children should get J- O- B- S ....they are very sensitive and fragile...what if they get hurt or maybe even break one of their brand-new manicured nails ????? they NEED to stay on the couch where i can protect them and keep them warm...." ugh.........

so to the rest of the crazy mixed-up world out there i offer this...
i say let them all be.... if they ask for help...offer it....once....if they don't listen and help themselves after that...than so be it...
and we here at the village will carry on in our usual manner doing what we seem to be doing best....and yes, sometimes we might feel a little 'envious' when they pull up in their new cars, wearing their new clothing & jewels after they just returned from a fabulous night out on the town...but remember....who the 'true' winners are in this whole scenerio....

[jamie79]

I have a friend whose dh"s alcohol allowence is $300 a month. They were having such a hard time making their bills and he worked for Lockhede Martin and had a good job that he took a civilian job over in Irag for a yr. Hello????
When their big screen tv bit the dust, they couldnt stand watching tv on the 20 inch that they took out of their bedroom that they went and opened a WM c.c to buy a 42 inch flat screen. So I do think alot of it is perspective

[nodmicks]

You should meet with her again - this time with her husband in the room.

They have NO hope of a successful budget if they aren't both on board.

I agree .

However that likely would be not happening. He says I am a b!tch because I told him he was a selfish jerk years ago because was out drinking with his buddies and couldn't be bothered to show up in labor and delivery. I know because I was there in his place. All those years ago . I said I was sorry for saying it (though I wasn't) and I'm still a b!tch.

However I did give her my TMMO books, VHS's 's of a live event and my TWG books a long time ago.

[nodmicks]

i certainly think it is ALL about how we view things....

you have spent your own time with her trying to help her out (and from the sounds of it it looks like quite a long time)...you gave her advice, suggestions, and the tools to make a change....the reality of it all is she really doesn't WANT to make a change....she wants to continue on with her current lifestyle and in the meantime expect the problems to just help themselves...hello.....not gonna happen....until SHE makes a change-her problems won't change...until she stops being so 'close-minded' and realize that she is NOT the 'Jones's' this will be a vicious cycle that she will just continue on and on with....

but she has a great big family out there (meaning a good chunk of the rest of the population) that thinks exactly like her...."don't cut my cable...we NEED the 275 channels...yes i NEED the latest cell-phone with a plan that does everything but wash my clothes...heaven forbid that my children have to wear the SAME outfit TWICE...what if someone notices...????!!!!!...and its ridiculous that you think my children should get J- O- B- S ....they are very sensitive and fragile...what if they get hurt or maybe even break one of their brand-new manicured nails ????? they NEED to stay on the couch where i can protect them and keep them warm...." ugh.........

so to the rest of the crazy mixed-up world out there i offer this...
i say let them all be.... if they ask for help...offer it....once....if they don't listen and help themselves after that...than so be it...
and we here at the village will carry on in our usual manner doing what we seem to be doing best....and yes, sometimes we might feel a little 'envious' when they pull up in their new cars, wearing their new clothing & jewels after they just returned from a fabulous night out on the town...but remember....who the 'true' winners are in this whole scenerio....

Your last paragraph sums it all up. I just can't imagine worrying about not having enough to feed everyone instead of dropping a few non necessary expenses. For cripes sakes she halves her meds because there is not enough $ but really there IS more than enough.

[nodmicks]

I have a friend whose dh"s alcohol allowence is $300 a month. They were having such a hard time making their bills and he worked for Lockhede Martin and had a good job that he took a civilian job over in Irag for a yr. Hello????
When their big screen tv bit the dust, they couldnt stand watching tv on the 20 inch that they took out of their bedroom that they went and opened a WM c.c to buy a 42 inch flat screen. So I do think alot of it is perspective

$300! Oh my gosh I think my jaw just fell off!