My Christmas Vent for the Year

**MrsClaus** · 12-25-2009, 07:18 PM

First, let me start off by saying I have no problem with someone giving my kids a gently used item as a gift. Most of the stuff we give our kids come from garage sales, flea markets or resale shops.

However, for the last two years my in-laws (I don't really think FIL actually sees the gifts) have given our son items that were obviously secondhand. Last year the books had the names in the front cover that had been covered with whiteout. I noticed but he didn't. This year one of the sound books didn't really work and it had at least one page tore out.

My thinking is MIL figures he won't notice since he's autistic. He caught it and told me it was broken. I just told him quietly that it was okay and not to worry about it. I was able to redirect his attention but he isn't stupid. He understands alot more that he can communicate to others.

I guess what is really bothering me is that our oldest daughter had made a list of items that he would find interesting many months ago and they basically ignored it. She is also on the autism spectrum and realized it was important to try and help them find something that was not only age appropriate for him but also would hold his interest.

Thanks for letting me vent. I haven't said anything to dh. I don't want to hurt his feeling on Christmas day.

But on the plus side. Today was the first time ds has every had that "WOW" reaction that most kids get on Christmas morning. It was a good feeling.

**NikoSan999** · 12-25-2009, 07:27 PM

I would say something to the mother in law. Unless they can't afford of course, that goes without saying. Otherwise...

Do they do that to your daughter? Are there other grand kids and if so do they do that to them?

I think you have a right to be upset whether you say anything or not. Hugs to you and yours.

**madhen** · 12-25-2009, 07:30 PM

Sorry your in-laws are being so insensitive. If they can't afford to give your son presents that operate as designed, then they shouldn't buy them. It just sets the child up for disappointment. Can your DH can talk to them about in a nice way? Maybe explain to them that your son notices more than they give him credit for?

I am glad your boy had a "wow" kind of Christmas, in spite of your inlaw's crappy gift.

**MommyBliss** · 12-25-2009, 07:40 PM

I don't think this is right at all. I can understand if they can't afford brand new, but if you are giving items that are previously used, at least make sure that you can't tell you are. Hugs to you and your little ones.

**dcompton** · 12-25-2009, 08:21 PM

That is totally unacceptable - to give to anyone. I'm sorry you had this cloud over your Christmas morning, but glad your son had a great time anyway.

**2ndGenGranola** · 12-25-2009, 09:02 PM

I have 2 autistic kids and they notice. They noticed a lot before they could communicate it and remembered it when they could communicate. Tell them that he is not dumb - he just has a different operating system and to be respectful of it.

**mauimagic** · 12-25-2009, 10:01 PM

Just plain rude - and to their own grandchildren - no excuse - time for the parents to start educate!!

Love, prayers and aloha to you and your family!! The wow factor that your son expressed today is the reason that I keep teaching children with special needs.

That wow expressed the total joy of Christmas - mahalo for sharing.

**jamie79** · 12-25-2009, 10:55 PM

I would explain it to her. Wait till t he holidays are over and then explain it too her. Try to make her understand that your ds needs gifts that can help him.

**frugalfranny** · 12-26-2009, 12:26 AM

Sorry the crappy gift thing happened.

But it was great reading that he had a 'wow' reaction. That was neat and I'm sure you were over the moon with it!!

I, too, think you should compare what is given to the others - maybe they do that with all of the kids. Something - somehow - needs to be said/addressed before next year. He is making too much progress to let this continue along this line.

**Mamaw** · 12-26-2009, 11:17 AM

Unless they are completely unaware of their actions, I think I would buy a second hand, quite used gift item for them and present it on the next holiday (birthday, easter, whatever)
Then I would have a conversation to let them know that my family would not be participating in any more holiday gift giving events. Period, The End, Thats all Folks.

I have no real issue with second hand items when they are in like new condition and chosen with care. Otherwise it is a no go for me. I would rather see them give a big candy bar or coloring book from the dollar store.

Hugs to you and your family. Glad you got the WOW factor this year