I'm exhausted!!

[wjcalderon]

I love Christmas and I love having my whole family come to my house on Christmas day (there are 17 of us).

What I don't love is all the work I ending up doing with almost no help from my family.
Everyone helps a little by bringing something to eat or drink, but it stops there.

For example: My sister-in-law brought sausage balls. She had made them the night before. They were ice cold. Instead of bringing a crockpot or asking if there was room to reheat them in the oven, she plopped them on the kitchen counter and went into the living room to visit - there she stayed until the main meal.

I furnished:
1. Coffee - lots of it
2. Bacon
3. Breakfast casserole
4. Homemade biscuits
5. Butter, jams & jellies
6. Paper plates, cups, napkins, etc.

This happens every year.

How do I get them to help more without being rude & obnoxious?

[porembam]

If you find the answer please let me know. My family visits for New Years eve for 4 nights, they buy one dinner ( pizza and wings) for 1 night but don't do anything else . No cooking or cleaning , it drives me crazy but if I say anything, I sound like a super mean person who doesn't know how to go with the flow.
If they had to clean the bathroom after them like I do they would understand why I get "moody"

[Libby]

Flat out ask for help? I know with my siblings I can do this b/c we're all family lol OR nab someone when they pop into the kitchen for help. They may not volunteer to help OR figure out that if they step into the kitchen they will get 'drafted' but point out that you'd like to spend time 'visiting' too instead of chained to the kitchen. Plus people are inclined to help when called upon, they feel guilty b/c you've caught them and asked them directly.

For example with your SIL - when she snuck into kitchen to drop plate of sausage rolls, you could have asked her to grab a serving platter from "x" part of your kitchen or ask her if she'd like to serve them heated etc.

When organizing family meals at my home, usually its pot luck. I'm always in the kitchen doing the put away, clean up and dishes while constantly yelling into the dining room trying to be a part of their convo. Thats a bit of a hint to them to (1) not leave me outta the convo and bring it into the kitchen and (2) once they're in the kitchen they all start helping subconsciously or out of guilt to help me get outta there faster and back at the table to continue talking.

Remember, you're only one person. You are hosting - as in your 'house' is the gathering point. You've cleaned & prepped it to entertain, you've put out your contribution of food/supplies, the rest is left to others to help out. You should not have to do it all on your own. Some people are like this, they need to do everything their way but those are the ones that are able to do it all AND still manage to sit and visit with family. I am certainly not one of them lol

It's kinda bishy to do it this way but unless you ask for help, no one really knows if you want any. Its always after the fact you'll hear "I was going to offer help but it looked like you had it under control" Uh huh. Next time just step up and do, right?

[shoiji]

Let everyone know next year while you are planning that you can't wait for everyone to help out. Assign everyone a task. Kids set the table. Adults organize buffet or platters of food. Just let people know you need help during the preparation time.

Was over someones house one holiday, but since I did not know them well tried to stay out of their hair while they were cooking. However, I did offer many times to help out. Did help out with the cleaning.

[cab54]

Oh, honey, I hear ya! I'm exactly your age, ane we have my fam over on the Eve, then I clean and cook again and HIS fam comes over Christmas day. I am really exhausted after Christmas. My family helps a LOT more on Christmas Eve, but his family are a bunch of prima donnas who wouldn't get their manicures messed up.

We are lucky enough to have built a cabin up north 14 years ago. It WAS a hunting cabin, but now it is our hideout!! BWAHAHAhahahahaha! We came up here for the whole year this year, and it was heaven. Next year we will go back and do Christmas with the fam again (our parents aren't getting any younger), but it was well worth the 'break'.

Is there someplace you can go at Christmas? Far away family that you can go visit? Adult kids in a remote part of the country? Can you save up for that tropical island Christmas trip?

It saves one's sanity to do Christmas somewhere else just once (or more?), and let the IL's fend for themselves a few times.

[pip]

I so understand what you are feeling.

[Dutchie]

I so understand what you are feeling.

Me too!!!!!
Don't get me started about Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with the relatives.

[rowdy35]

i think you just have to ask for some help. it's not fair to make one person do all the work. don't be afraid to say, please warm the sausage balls up, here is a pan. Can you please take out the trash, pick up your plates, here is the trash can, etc !! You should not have to do everything.

[thefrug]

I don't understand why ya all don't speak the hell up!?? TELL them, uh I need some help here! Why are you doormats?
Speak up the next time and give them things to do. Or is it that you like having to do it all so you can be a martyr? Or so you have something to complain about? Really. Think about it. WHY do you let this happen to you?
Explain to these people that if you don't receive some help you won't be "doing" xmas at your place and for them to decide where you can bring a dish next year. geesh. come on people!

[WV_mom_of2]

When I need help I don't ask, I tell them LOL. When we used to do holidays at my Grandma's before she passed away I would just grab people and say "do this". I even made the men help out! Unless they are totally rude they won't say no!

[2ndGenGranola]

I would either speak up or serve them cold!

[NcsstyBrdsIngnty]

I yelled loudly (over the TV and conversations) at my future DH to grab the trash on Thanksgiving and all of a sudden I had multiple sets of helpful hands in my kitchen asking what needed to be done. Cracked me up!

I have to vote that speaking up works.

[Luckybustert]

I think you just have to speak up, and realize no matter how nicely you speak up that initially they are likely to perceive you as being rude, not nice, moody...why? Because something is changing and people are usually resistant to change. Unless you want them to continue to sit on their behinds while you work yourself to the bone, you really do have to speak up and not worry that they might not like what you say. They're certainly not going to change on their own. Why should they? They've got it pretty good right now.