Picture albums & kids questions...

[mombottoo]

Recently my gd's other grandma e-mailed me & asked for copies of pics of gd as an infant, which I was more than happy to send her. Problem was that gd had noticed other gma didn't have any of her. Well I had a few, but when I went to look through them for pics to send other gma noticed quite a few spots were empty that had pics in them. I'm pretty sure dil took them since she didn't have many herself which is ok.

Obviously gd is going to know the pics her other gma now has were taken at my house. That gma can deal with any questions about that. My problem arose while they were here visiting over the Christmas/New Year holidays.

Gd loves looking at picture albums & she took this opportunity to look through mine. Found her's and started asking questions about the lack of photos of her at a very young infant age. Gd is my dil's bio child, but during that period of her life she was going to put gd up for adoption, which she did. Gd lived with the other family about 2-3 weeks after her birth which is why there aren't any new born pics of her in my albums. Luckily for me, we (my dh & I) were gone for the first 2 weeks after her birth so I used that as the reason I didn't have any pics (first one she is 22 days old).

I know that my gd knows that my son isn't her bio father, because they had that talk a year ago. However, she hasn't been told that she was with a different family in the beginning. I know that she is starting to think something is weird, since none of us have pictures of that span of her life. I was present during her birth and held her directly after. But, since her adoptive parents were there I didn't take any pictures like I did of my other gchildren after their births. Now, I'm kicking myself for not realizing gd's mom would change her mind.

Gd's oldest sibling is my son's bio child and so is the youngest. My now dil was having some serious issues during that period of her life (between the 1st & 3rd child). But, eventually ended up married to my son and he adopted gd shortly after they married. I love this child to death and would never do anything to hurt her. I have been able to side step most of her questions with fairly truthful answers. But, I could see in her eyes that she knew I was not coming clean with my answers...she is 12 now so her questions are getting nosier which is making grandma (meaning me) go a little green around the gills. I have no way of knowing just how much info was divulged in the dad/daughter talk and don't want to pry. My gd has never mentioned the talk she had with her dad to me, so I don't go there either. She knows we love her, but this picture thing is really bugging her...so far I side step a lot of questions by telling her to ask her parents. Am I handling this the right way?

[WV_mom_of2]

I think I would have a long talk with your son and dil and let them know that she is looking at the pictures and asking questions. I think it's time that they tell her about the other family. They don't have to say she was put up for adoption or wasn't wanted if they feel that will hurt her, just that another family took care of her for 3 weeks because mom was sick and wasn't able or something. And that is why there are no pictures.

Kids are persistent and the more she feels like everyone is lying to her the more curious she is going to be. I do think that it's your son and dil's place to tell her though.