Just an update...

**AnW819** · 01-14-2010, 09:33 PM

Hey! I have not really been posting to much latley so I though I would say hi to everyone and give an update on what I have been up to.

As far as my job is going, I love it! I love the people I work with, the freedom I get, and how I can do the one thing I love everyday! Its paying me well and treating me well and I would not trade it for the world. I also have made many friends to!!!

As far as DH and I are going...well...not great, but not bad either. I find myself getting so annoyed with him ALL THE TIME. I feel like I need a week away from him, lol. As soon as we get health insurance I really think marriage counseling is in order because I do not want to be unhappy but I do not want to leave DH either.

Things at home are really rough right now. My dad started dating this new girl--and its really bothering me. He tends to always put his gf before his kids, and before anything really. He has not been going to work, coming home early (he owns his own business) and such, which is fine, and none of my business but he seems to be wanting more money from me now. Today I went in his bedroom to get my laundry basket and I found my box of cookies I bought from work on his night stand. I was furious! I have been looking for them for a week. He did not even ask. I pay for all the groceries because he really never eats here, but to just take them kinda hurt my feelings. I felt disrespected. He is really doing a lot of things to hurt me lately, but only 2 more months til I am out of here hopefully! Depression is starting to kick in. I never want to come home. I want to be at work all the time. The people there are nice to me and I can just relax. I hate it here.

DH and I have started looking for apartments. Seems I can only find ones around the $900 and up range. Ugh. It can definitely be afforded but when did renting get SO EXPENSIVE?! Oh well, we will deal.

My health is not going so well...About this time last year I had surgery to remove 'pre-cancerous' cells from my cervix (tmi? sorry). Well, we lost our health insurance after that surgery so I never went back to find out how it went...the past week I have been having terrible pains so I am really getting worried about it. I do not know if cervical cancer is very painful, or anything about it (going to do some research tonight) but I am just scared. I have tried doing research and I really never find anything. I know how it is caused and medical things but I can never find symptoms or anything.

Anyway---there it is

**mombottoo** · 01-14-2010, 10:13 PM

Sounds like living with your dad could be adding some of the stress to yours & your dh's relationship. Our 26 year old son lives with us and if he buys something he doesn't want anyone else to eat he keeps it in his room. Not sure if you do this or not, but if you are not then you might want to consider it for those things you don't want others getting into.

I've never been to Jersey so I have no idea what the average rent rate is there. But, around here you could get one deluxe apt. for $900 a month!

Far as cervix issue, you should go get checked. If you don't have insurance check and see if there is a clinic in your area that provides services based on income. Perhaps check with your local health dept. and they might be able to point you in the direction you need to go. My dd has had that done a couple of times over the last 10 years and she had to always go in for Paps every 3 months for the 1st year after her surgeries. Now, she goes in every year unless something shows up again and she starts all over again.

Take care of yourself Ashley & try not to let life get you down...

**AnW819** · 01-14-2010, 10:20 PM

Thank you so much. Dad is causing stress between me and DH because DH hates my dad because my dad has never been really good to me. Not father like. I am going to check into going to planned parenthood

**Debbie-cat** · 01-14-2010, 10:28 PM

((hugs)) sounds rough. I am glad you like your job though!

**Libby** · 01-14-2010, 10:34 PM

Ashley....Keep focused on the goals at the end of the turmoil. You've laid them out and are doing all you can to get to them...keep plodding along despite all the hiccups. Do not lose focus!

**AnW819** · 01-15-2010, 09:48 AM

I will not loose focus!!!

**frugalwarrior2** · 01-15-2010, 10:39 AM

Ashley-Don't get mad at me but sometimes the best way to solve an issue is to just think about it differently.
1-Your an adult. It is your dad time to put himself before you. It's just harder because he didn't do it the right way when you were younger. He can see who he wants,act how he wants ETC.

2-As far as the cookies go. He still sees you as a kid because your living in his house. His house,his cookies. Try and think from his perspective. I didn't say it was correct but it's a piddly issue so,let it go. Put the cookies in your room if their so special.

3-Sounds like DH is causing you more issues w/ your dad and you are bearing the brunt of it. Look for a cheaper studio?? I don't know real estate over that way. MI. has always been cheaper. Worse now. Sounds like the sooner the better on leaving.Adult kids living w/ parents is never easy. If I had 10 acres and my we lived in opposite corners we could get on each others nerves. Just the way it works.LOL.

4. Forgot to say I think your working at it rather well. Please take care of your health issues. Being independent is a life long process.

**miss_thrifty** · 01-15-2010, 11:06 AM

get it checked out dear. there must be a clinic somewhere's that can HELP U. HUGGSS and try not to worry, think positive.
As far as living with my parents forget it. I bought the old homestead and that didnt turn out at all. sold the house almost 5 years after that, and me and hubby and kids moved away.
Keep trying to find a place of ur own. stay positive , keep on track, u can do this.

**Greebo** · 01-15-2010, 11:08 AM

South Jersey rentals under $600/mo

**AnW819** · 01-15-2010, 08:27 PM

Originally Posted by frugalwarrior2

Ashley-Don't get mad at me but sometimes the best way to solve an issue is to just think about it differently.
1-Your an adult. It is your dad time to put himself before you. It's just harder because he didn't do it the right way when you were younger. He can see who he wants,act how he wants ETC.

2-As far as the cookies go. He still sees you as a kid because your living in his house. His house,his cookies. Try and think from his perspective. I didn't say it was correct but it's a piddly issue so,let it go. Put the cookies in your room if their so special.

3-Sounds like DH is causing you more issues w/ your dad and you are bearing the brunt of it. Look for a cheaper studio?? I don't know real estate over that way. MI. has always been cheaper. Worse now. Sounds like the sooner the better on leaving.Adult kids living w/ parents is never easy. If I had 10 acres and my we lived in opposite corners we could get on each others nerves. Just the way it works.LOL.

4. Forgot to say I think your working at it rather well. Please take care of your health issues. Being independent is a life long process.

Its not just me and my dad though, its his son who is 10. My brother. Thats more so of what I am upset about is him putting her before his son who he only sees on the weekends. I end up babysitting him on the weekends because of this.

And TY Greebo for that post. Unfourtinally most of them are in Camden which is still SJ but far from me. I have very few options because I am not driving right now and need something close to work.

You guys are the best!

**Imarachne** · 01-15-2010, 08:36 PM

There's always good ,caring advice on this site--its good to know people care.

**Greebo** · 01-15-2010, 09:13 PM

The whole "you're not driving" situation - how's the plan to rectify that coming?

**AnW819** · 01-15-2010, 09:23 PM

got the book and I am studying!!! Just have to take the writing test, get on anxiety meds and then take the driving test. So hopefully in a few months.

**frugalwarrior2** · 01-15-2010, 09:31 PM

Yeah kiddo, the driving thing again. DRiving= freedom Not DRiving =dependence and other people having control over you. Missed oppertunities,Lack of confidence.

As far as dad and 10 year old that's a whole diff. thing. I think I would see about getting him a peer mentor. That's a guy whose been checked out and will do stuff w/ him. My DD's ex. had one because his dad was a bum and his mom was having seizures whic was constantly lower IQ points. So he needed some one. Youth assisstance services can usually provide one. They are free. Try and pity your dad. He can't give what he hasn't got. Sad he can't see what great right in front of him. Sounds like your a great sister. Is your mom in the picture??