Daughter refusing to get wisdom teeth out

**jas** · 01-15-2010, 07:07 AM

hello folks! Been MIA for a few weeks. I went to Wisconsin for the holidays and am just getting back in the groove with school back in and dh back to work. I will save for another post.

I am this morning at my wits end. My dd 17 has been scheduled to get her wisdom teeth out this morning for months. We have done the braces and now they need to come out so all her teeth will stay straight. I know many of you have been through the same drill.

My dd has worked herself into a panic and now refuses to go to the appointment. We have tried everything to calm her down. I called yesterday to the Dr's and asked if they could give her something for last night to calm her down and the girl said the doc does not like to do that. Well now I have a daughter who is totally unfit for this procedure. I don't think the doc would even touch her now.

I have no idea how much this will cost now if we have to cancel at the last minute. We had it preapproved through the insurance and the cost would be only 400.00. For all four, and she would be out for it.

She has a tendancy to get worked up and over react. I could go on and on about the times....

We have explained that we could lose the money for canceling so late, she does not care. Her teeth could get all messed up, she does not care. We have been round and round all night and this morning with her.

I get she is upset and I would love to say just forget it all, it is hard after you have invested all this money in her teeth already to just say screw it, your upset and don't want your wisdom teeth out and will not cooperate at all. Oh, well.

I have had to take a something to calm myself down. My dh who is way more patient than me is having to deal with her. I have stepped away from the situation. The thought of having to pay for a procedeure she will not have and then turn around and may someday in the furture want it done. I am so upset at the thought.

Sorry to come back after a little vaycay and vent like this. I am trying to not take it out on her. She is a wreck and I do sympathize with her, but there are other parts to this other than I just don't want to do it today. This doctor who is a really good one probably would not want her back. If she could have had something last night to calm her down it may not have gotten this bad.

I will keep you posted.

Thanks for being here for these crazy moments.

JEan

**frugalwarrior2** · 01-15-2010, 07:13 AM

My kids both had theirs done last summer. We had a pre-visit to instill confidence in both the kids and me. It was well worth the $80. out of pocket. Gotta go be back later..

**ahmom** · 01-15-2010, 07:32 AM

Show her this:
My DD's both had their wisdom teeth out and they also had braces. They said that having their teeth out was easier than the braces. They both didn't realize that they had them out. The Dr. put them out to do it. They "woke up" wondering where and why.
DH and I just had our wisdom teeth removed a few years ago. I wish I had them removed 20+ years ago. It would have saved me so much pain. Do it now.

**2ndGenGranola** · 01-15-2010, 07:42 AM

When I was her age, I had to have mine out. They had to put me completely under because they had grown right up to the main nerves in my mouth. Had they "hit", I would not have been able to make a normal smile or anything like that!

**MyMelody** · 01-15-2010, 07:50 AM

Your DD has some anxiety for sure! Talk with her about taking deep breaths when she feels panicky and counting backwards to slow herself down. This website has some really practical tips for what parents can do about children's anxiety, so it could be worth a read:

http://childparenting.about.com/cs/d...ildanxiety.htm

I would certainly consider frugalwarrior2's suggestion of a pre-visit to help with nerves, because it may be that she's built this wisdom teeth removal thing into a huge ordeal in her mind, and learning some facts could help deflate the monster, kwim? Does she have friends who've gone through the procedure that could pep talk her? Teenagers are very receptive to what their peers say, and you might be able to use that to your benefit. Good luck!

**nuisance26** · 01-15-2010, 08:05 AM

~If she's a minor then she actually can't refuse to have this done can she? Can you have the surgeon explain that it is a medically necessary procedure? It's ok to be scared but it is not ok to go without necessary medical treatment without any other reason than being scared.
If my kid did this I would lay out some consequences for the monetary waste if he/she refused to go. Less privileges, no allowance, confiscation of entertainment devices, ect. until the amount was paid. I'd do this because there was a long time before the appointment to discuss his/her aversion to the procedure so as not to incur penalty.
She'll almost certainly have to have it done eventually and if she wants to have it years from now, on her own dime and without a mom at home to help with her recovery, then so be it. I think making a few poor decisions comes with the territory at that age.
I'm sorry it's stressing you out. :hug:~

**DukesAngel** · 01-15-2010, 08:14 AM

I still have two of mine. After I got my braces off the ortho told me I had to get my four teeth removed or my newly straightened teeth would move around...... I found that to be untrue. I was afraid to get them removed and so I just didn't. My teeth are still straight.

The only downfall to not getting them removed when I was in my teens is the amount of pain I'm in when I do get one removed. The first one got taken out because I had to have a molar removed and the wisdom tooth was exposed after that. The second one was killing me and that one had to be sawed out of my jaw since my bone grew over the tooth. Fun stuff.

I'll keep the other two as long as I can and if they never bother me I don't see the point in the yanking.

**craftypam** · 01-15-2010, 08:21 AM

What specifically is she in a panic about; the pain, being all swollen. I have found now that I am older the thing that is scary about dental and medical procedures is the not knowing. She will be asleep during the whole procedure and will wake up not remembering anything and if she is in any kind of pain they will give her pain pills. See if you can find out the specifics and address them. I have 3 ds. One needed wisdom teeth pulled when he was a minor. We had no insurance. Cost 13-14 years ago around $1800. My other 2 sons who are now adults WISH that they would have had them pulled as minors so they didn't have to pay for it. One even has insurance and it will still cost some money. Please tell her she will be soooooo sorry if her beautiful teeth get all crooked again. Good luck; I hope you can convince her.

**Trishagirl** · 01-15-2010, 08:29 AM

I would ask the dr. how bad positioned the wisdom teeth are??? Cause if they aren't that bad then you can wait, but if you can't wait then tell her that you are the parent and she will have them out. I had mine out when I was 20 all 4 they put me to sleep and I was nervous but it all worked out good. Was IV induced and went to sleep and don't remember anything! The best way to have it done IMHO!!! Hope this helps you. My son needs his bottom wisdom teeth out but we don't have insurance. Please pray that my dh gets a job soon so he can get them out!

**shoiji** · 01-15-2010, 09:37 AM

Personally, had my wisdom teeth out late in life. Was nervous about it only because of stories I had heard. Well, the doctor put me out and when I woke up it was all over. Was nothing that I thought it would be and really happy it went tell.

Try to stay as calm as possible. Let her know she will be fine. Everyone can get anxious. Just take it step by step.

Good luck.

**mombottoo** · 01-15-2010, 09:49 AM

At 17 when it comes right down to it, it's not up to her. I sympathize with her anxiousness, but she is grown up enough to know that pain even if there is some only lasts for a little while. Plus, she should care that you & your dh spent a crap ton getting her mouth taken care of and that this could end up costing you money even if she doesn't have it done.

My youngest had to have all 4 of his wisdom teeth surgically removed after he suffered his traumatic brain injury. Was he nervous, yes...but, even he at that point in his life knew it was something that he had to have done, even though he was scared.

Tell your daughter to buck up and do what she needs to do. If she is allowed to stomp her feet and get her way...what is that going to lead to down the road in her life?

**jas** · 01-15-2010, 09:49 AM

UPDATE!! She did it!! I can't believe she went through with it from all the agony we went through last night and early this morning. We told her she HAD to go to the office and tell them she wasn't going to do it herself. Of course we were with her. At first she didn't want to talk to the doctor at all. Finally she did listen and he explained that her teeth we almost in and should have been done earlier, well two of them anyway. She was not looking at years to put it off just weeks really and we would be back in the same spot. OR one could become infected and it be an emergency and if it was on the weekend she would be in trouble, she would have to wait and the procedure would be more intense.

For the split second she realized she could not wait or it could be worse they took her in. with us in tow. Got her in the chair the doc started the IV didn't slow down a minute to let her change her mind and boom she was out. 15 min later they said she was done. We went in the room as she was coming to, going in and out really. She was sooooooooooooooooooo happy she went through with it. About 30 min later we were in the car on our way home.

She is now sleeping soundly tucked in my big compfy bed!!! When she does open her eyes she giggles and puts her thumbs up!!

We will see how she does when the numbness wears off. I have to pick up the pain meds in about 30 min.

I can't believe after all that drama it is done!! Yay!!!

Thanks for all your responses. If she would not have gone through and her teeth messed up there would have been pay back for the braces. There would have been some consequences of some kind. Thank God we don't have to figure out just what they would have been.

You can bet I was letting her know that this would have repercussions down the line on many levels. Itwas more than a missed appointment.
The drama this one has put us through a few times have been doozies. Then they never turn out as bad as she thought.

This one will surely go down in the books.

**mombottoo** · 01-15-2010, 09:56 AM

That is really good news!!! I am glad that she went through with it, it's amazing sometimes how we build something to be worse than it really is going to be in our heads.

Here's hoping the healing process is quick and as pain free as possible!!!

**Greebo** · 01-15-2010, 09:57 AM

She's gonna hurt bad for about a day. In a week the pain should be all gone.

**jas** · 01-15-2010, 10:02 AM

I am just glad she did it. Yep she will be a hurting unit for a bit, that is not the part that had her freaking out. She had in her mind that she was gong to not come out of it alive. You would have thought she was going to death row.

Hopefully my Tuesday she will be good to go. They have off school on Monday thats why we picked this time and also because flex spending for the new year is good again.

Thanks guys.