rant

**Josephhgoins** · 01-18-2010, 02:13 PM

So I started telling my mom over 3 years ago that I was going to quit my job and take some time off. I have worked 40+ hours per week since I was 14. I helped with house hold bills the entire time. I started buying my own clothing and taking care of my pets when I got my first job. At 16 I was buying the groceries and doing the entire house work. At 18 I started paying for the TV and buying the firewood.

I have pulled my weight!!!

Oct 08 my mom was getting fussed at for her attendance, which was horrible. She has back problems and some days it just hurt more than she could stand it. She is now on disability which helps a lot.

Last March my Step dad got into some trouble and had to have a lawyer. Mom called and asked me if I could pay for one. They weren’t behind on bills, but just didn’t have that much in savings. I wrote her a check that she was supposed to pay back within a few months.

Still waiting for that money back. I went through my checking account and I have “loaned” her over 10K in 09!!
Fast forward to me this July. I put in my notice and told my boss I was moving. My plan was to live off of savings for a year or more and then worry about getting a job. He was nice enough to think up a new work from home position for me. So now I work from home 135 miles away. The new position is great, but I had to take a 30% cut in pay. I had a good EF in place and wasn’t really that concerned. If anything major came up I had the money in the bank to take care of it. Best of all I get to leave the savings locked away in a bank!

Mom thought I should rent out my old house and make a few bucks off of it. I said Ok and that I would pay her $50 a month to administer it for me. The first Month a bill came up and she needed the whole rent that month and was sure I would be fine with it. The next month, they had gotten a payday loan and she went ahead and applied the rent to that without asking.

Since I have moved, every couple of week’s Mom would ask for more money, 50 here and 100 there. Until November that is. In November she called me crying. If she didn’t have a large sum of money within 3 days they were going to foreclose on the house.

I was tapped out! I had no more money in the bank that I could get to. My savings was locked into my 401K. I have a friend back home that owns a jewelry store, so I sent all the pieces that I have and we got just enough to save the house. Some of the things I got rid of I have had for 10+ years and were very near and dear to my heart.

My renter moved out at the end of November. And it was vacant in December, which I was fine with. If I am not getting any money from it, I would rather it just sit. I received a call on Saturday from a man that wanted to rent my home. He loved the area and the home and was more than happy with the price. My Mom met them and had him sign the lease. He paid her in cash for the first month’s rent and made arrangements for the security deposit with me. As the banks were closed Saturday she was supposed to deposit the money into my account today.

She just called me and said she “lost” the money. A good bit of money that I really need right now. She long since leached my EF away. She put the money in her back pocket and when she went to get it out of the jeans she wore it wasn’t there. She was crying and had looked all over the house and car.

I tried to be the good son and say it was ok, but I just couldn’t. I mean DAMN! You know?

Last week I was sitting here thinking about selling off the last of my collectables and possibly even my cook books and she goes and looses and entire month’s rent.

The worst part is that part of me thinks she is lying and that she really didn’t lose it, but spent it.

I have already given my contact information to my tenant and he will be mailing all future rent so this issue never shows up again.

I am just so disappointed right now.

Thanks for reading my rant.

**NikoSan999** · 01-18-2010, 02:25 PM

Sorry Joseph, me thinks your gut feeling is right. I'm sure you know what their income total is for a month. Fairly sure you probably know what their outlay is also. At least ballpark. If not tell her it's time for a sit down. Bring the bill All of them, to the table. See what income vs bills are. Take it from there. Although you can't really cause she's wiped everything you have except retirement out. Sounds like there is ALWAYS an excuse.
And if you're not going to say anything she'll take that also.
When you're done bleeding you won't have anything.
So very sorry and NOT what you wanted to hear.
Go with your gut...it's seldom wrong.

**sahm2boys** · 01-18-2010, 02:27 PM

i would be frustrated too..sounds like your up against a rock and a hard place....

but enough is enough..would be hard and might feel like your being mean but putting your foot down is whats best for you. you have gone above and beyond to help them, they need to help them selves

i think having the rent payment sent directly to u is the best plan

good luck

**Russ** · 01-18-2010, 02:29 PM

Sorry to say but, You have been enabling her.

It is time for her (not you) to grow up and take some reponsibility for her actions or lack of action.

Give her a months notice if you feel you need to but time to stand up for yourself and put an end to it.

**Greebo** · 01-18-2010, 02:38 PM

Yep - I'm very sorry that your mother is a thief and a liar - but the only thing that you can do about that is completely cut her off, and take full control of the house.

NO MORE MONEY TO MOM. EVER.

**shortstack** · 01-18-2010, 02:47 PM

((HUGS)) to you because this is a horrible situation for her to put you in.

When my dh and I first got together his family was very similar. They would have bled him dry if it had continued and he would have just let them thinking allowing it to happen was showing them love. I sat my foot down and told him he could make me the b*tch and tell them I'm sorry my wife says no. Being his family he had too many emotional ties and was unable to set the boundries that needed to be there. He had a few family members that were leeches to him and played off of his kind heart.

You are NOT a bad son if you put a stop to her behaviour. If you didn't love her so much it wouldn't be such a hard situation.

**Russ** · 01-18-2010, 02:53 PM

Maybe you should sit her down and show her how much she has "borrowed", lost or cost you in the past 16-18 months.

Then just flat out tell her... "I'm broke and can not give you any more."

**Greebo** · 01-18-2010, 02:56 PM

How old are you, now?

**Greebo** · 01-18-2010, 02:56 PM

Originally Posted by rcannon

Maybe you should sit her down and show her how much she has "borrowed", lost or cost you in the past 16-18 months.

Then just flat out tell her... "I'm broke and can not give you any more."

I don't even think he needs to rationalize it that much.

"You have cost me $X through your irresponsible behavior. I WILL not give you any more."

**Lady_V** · 01-18-2010, 02:59 PM

I am sorry you have to go through this.

Okay, the lovin' is over.

It may be cheaper in the long run (not to mention better for your mental well-being) to hire a professional property manager if you are too far to over-see emergency repairs.

**Josephhgoins** · 01-18-2010, 03:17 PM

Greebo, I turn 33 this coming June.

The sad part is that she KNOWS I have been bled dry. Over the Christmas holiday I wasn't coming home because its $50 for gas, and I didn't have it to spend.

Well, work called and wanted me there on the 23rd so I had no choice but to go. I stopped that evening to have dinner with my Granny on my way back home and granny insisted I take $40 from her because mom had told her I don't have any money. I couldn't take it. A few minutes later my Aunt appeared and before the evening was out she gave me $100 which I couldn't accept.

I got home and was beyond filled with joy. I didn't have any money but my family was showing their love. My grandmother had made me a pan of her biscuits (which are the best in the world). When I opened them to have breakfast the next morning there was the money under the biscuits.

**Russ** · 01-18-2010, 03:20 PM

Originally Posted by Josephhgoins

Greebo, I turn 33 this coming June.

The sad part is that she KNOWS I have been bled dry. Over the Christmas holiday I wasn't coming home because its $50 for gas, and I didn't have it to spend.

Then she won't be surprised to hear you are cutting her off. You've already made the first step by getting your new tenant to send the money directly to you. So, now it's up to you.

**Greebo** · 01-18-2010, 03:31 PM

What russ said.

Time for your mom to grow up.

**AmyBoz** · 01-18-2010, 03:36 PM

There's a phrase, "toxic friends." I think that it can also apply to family members. She's burned through your hard earned money, and it's not okay.

It's time to say, "No more."

**2ndGenGranola** · 01-18-2010, 03:40 PM

Originally Posted by Josephhgoins

I got home and was beyond filled with joy. I didn't have any money but my family was showing their love. My grandmother had made me a pan of her biscuits (which are the best in the world). When I opened them to have breakfast the next morning there was the money under the biscuits.

Ahhhhhhhh! What a sweet grandmother.

I agree with the others. You have been being used. Cut it off now so you can have peace and she can grow up.