Husband went back on his word

**pollypurebred39** · 02-12-2010, 12:30 AM

and I'm not handling it well.

After our Suki passed away I could not even think about bringing another dog home. But after many months I decided to start a puppy fund. This was for the price of the puppy and an EF for the puppy out of my money, not the money he brings home. Husband said that as soon as I had the money together I could get one.

Tonight my husband informs me that we can not get a puppy until all debt is paid off, and this, and this......

What? Wait? He reneged.

That's years, and I mean many years away. I think I'd be furious if I was not so sad about the whole thing.

**mauimagic** · 02-12-2010, 12:33 AM

Oh Polly - what happened to have him take this stand? Sounds as if something else might be bothering him. If he changed his mind once, he can change it again. Give him time. Hugs to you dear.

**Libby** · 02-12-2010, 12:37 AM

Oh wow - I'd let him have some time alone and bring it up for discussion again when its 'safe' to do so to see what triggered this harsh reaction/train of thought. I mean its not like you have all the $ saved up and were going to pick out a puppy this weekend right? You still have time to discuss and work through this until you save up all the $. Don't fret! *hugs*

**frugalwarrior2** · 02-12-2010, 12:40 AM

Wait awhile and explain that you need the companionship of another dog. He is only seeing it as an economic obligation. Did your debt load increase or something that would have him more stressed. Just bide your time and keep putting money away. Could this be hs way of saying he is still in too much of a state of sadness over Suki to think about it right now. Just throwing ideas out?

**Palooka** · 02-12-2010, 02:13 AM

Erm, I might be the rebellious one in the crowd here, but get the doggie.

Come on...why did he do that?

I rather give a doggie a home and such a companion to wart away any debt stress in life, then set there and live in the state of misery trying to use every penny to pay down debt. Um no!!!

Don't think the doggie will set you back that much.(but a firm believer of rescue shelters before breeders.)

**frugalfranny** · 02-12-2010, 02:21 AM

Sorry he has taken that stand Polly.

Try again.........but there are TWO PEOPLE living in the house.......and isn't give and take the name of the game?

I too, believe in shelters and saving 'street dogs' before paying big bucks for them. And in our area, there are some CHEAP shot clinics and spay and neuter clinics. So - not great big bucks there.

Giving the shots yourself is easy.........if you have a 'farm store' that sells the solution.

**sinopa27** · 02-12-2010, 02:30 AM

I am so sorry Polly. I am also a dog lover. I am thinking something made him feel like this. Maybe this is his way of dealing with the grief???? I am sure that he will change his mind. You never know, a stray puppy may come his way and he will be telling YOU that he found this puppy and .................can we keep him????

**Greebo** · 02-12-2010, 03:44 AM

Have you asked him why he's broken a promise to you?

**alotofgooddeals** · 02-12-2010, 07:02 AM

I was reading these post and thinking wow these people are better than me. Then i read palooka's post and i was like okay... there is someone out there like me...You could maybe discuss it with him gain and let him know your feelings about this but in the long run... if you want the puppy then go and get it...

Originally Posted by Palooka

Erm, I might be the rebellious one in the crowd here, but get the doggie.

Come on...why did he do that?

I rather give a doggie a home and such a companion to wart away any debt stress in life, then set there and live in the state of misery trying to use every penny to pay down debt. Um no!!!

Don't think the doggie will set you back that much.(but a firm believer of rescue shelters before breeders.)

**Lora88** · 02-12-2010, 07:06 AM

Originally Posted by alotofgooddeals

I was reading these post and thinking wow these people are better than me. Then i read palooka's post and i was like okay... there is someone out there like me...You could maybe discuss it with him gain and let him know your feelings about this but in the long run... if you want the puppy then go and get it...

Im so with you and Palooka on this one.

**savvy_sniper** · 02-12-2010, 07:15 AM

I understand how you feel. BUT it is possible that he just isn't ready for a new pet and saying that you couldn't buy one until all debt was paid off was his way of expressing it.

I can tell you that after our dog died I told hubby ABSOLUTELY no pets for an undetermined amount of time. Two months later, our German Shepherd, Ace, adopted Joe in front of our house. I was furious when he brought the dog inside!

It all worked out. The dog was healthy and house broken. Ace is Joe's dog. He and I didn't bond for several years. We just put up with each other.

Joe was ready to give his love to a new dog and I wasn't.

**Josephhgoins** · 02-12-2010, 07:24 AM

Some guys just don't show their feelings, one way or the other. I wonder if the passing on Suki was so hard on him that he dosen't want to go through it again? Maybe it was hard on him seeing how hard it was on you and he just can't imagine that again.

I wouldn't buy anothet dog without walkign him into it first though.

BTW, I'll do my free plug here. In lieu of buying a dog, have you though of getting a shelter dog? I have had a few mutts and loved them every one. My Cat actually came from the dollar store as a stray.

As an added bonus in some areas (like where I am from) once you get a shelter dog, you get discounts on all of their medical supplies, shots and vet visits. Your area may have something like that there.

**TheRootedNomad** · 02-12-2010, 07:39 AM

I'm so sorry. I'm with the give him some time and then bring the discussion back to the table group. I would come prepared with all the answers you can think of to issues he might have such as money for pet supplies, illnesses, who will let the dog in and out ect.

on a side note....
**** to our rebellious spunky group, (just some food for thought) while I would definately be with you if it was about something like getting my hair permed (my saved money - not ours) a dog is something that will effect him. I would not "get over" my husband doing something like that to me very easily and so wouldn't be able to do that to him. If he got that new $100 toy we talked about after I said no I'd be pissed but get over it. A dog is like a baby, a long term committment for everyone involved. Could you imagine your partner coming home and saying "I know you said you didn't want anymore kids but you told me once before that you did so I disregarded that you changed your mind and went on and went through classes to adopt. The social worker called me today about this cute little guy they had up for adoption so I said yes and here he is...."

**geckoace** · 02-12-2010, 09:05 AM

I wonder if maybe he made the promise trying to make u feel better in the moment and now he doesn't want a dog or even didn't want one then, and thought it would be easier to tell u later... My dh dies thus kind of thing thinking he's sparing my feelbgs but then doesn't quite understand that when he goes back on his word it's far more hurtful than the truth would ever have been.

Also maybe there is something specific, debtwise, troubling him and he doesn't know how to express that to u.

I would wait and bring it up again

**frugalwarrior2** · 02-12-2010, 09:11 AM

NO,it's not a good idea to get a dog and plop it in front of him. It will become the topic of resentment. My DH made the unilateral decision we wouldn't get a dog. So when he met our beagle I had gotten while he was on a business trip IT was a topic of resentment.
No, it is better to talk this out. HE is emotionally overwhelmed by debt or the loss of Suki. Men don't voice things emotional as well. Broach the subject again softly. I do think a shelter dog might help if it's economic. But I would never purchased a purebred anyway so I am biased.