I Feel So Helpless

[many houseapes]

I've been keeping it bottled up inside for awhile.I really don't know how to begin....except that we suspect our oldest is slipping into mental illness. There is no history of it on either side of our families....we don't know if it is being caused by some medication that he has to take for another health problem. We made an appointment for next month to try & see what it is that is bothering him. I love my son...I have never been in a situation like this...I have tried to be supportive,etc....but I realize now that there is nothing that I can do to make it better.I have cried and prayed about this & yet I feel so helpless b/c I see him getting worse. Thankfully he is not violent and he is not suicidal.
Although ds is an adult, he is still my child and it hurts so bad knowing that "things are not just right" with him.He is such a talented artist, -even did some work for EA Mobile...a great cook....a very loving, sensitive person...why my son??He never hurt anyone.
Has anyone here ever been in a situation like this? What can be done other than doctors and meds?

[AmyBoz]

I'm so very sorry to hear this. It doesn't matter how old your children are, they are your kids and this must be so difficult for you.

[frugalwarrior2]

Can i suggest an MRI to see if there is generic brain damage you never knew about. Based on no known heredity it is a place to start. Second a hair sample for drug testing. It will indicate exposures even if you don't think he has a using prob. Kids/adult children do things we don't know about.
I say this w/ the kindest heart. I have recently become aware of hording issues (which are thought to be a form of OCD) is DH's family. My DD is showing signs of this. Makes me feel as if I did something wrong.
I am sorry. I know your heart must be breaking.

[NewLeaf]

My little 7 yr ds has Aspergers Syndrome. It is a mild form of high functioning autism. He has some co-occurring problems like OCD , anxiety and adhd. It is really hard to cope w/as a parent. We have gone through a long and hard grieving process. It hurts to know something is wrong w/your child and there is nothing you can do to make his world perfect.
My son is a healthy and extremely gifted kid. His IQ is off the chart for his age. He has had alot of difficulty adjusting to school but finally , this year, he has had a good year.
He is too bright to qualify for help w/spec. ed and we make just a little too much money(ha ha) to qualify for financial help for counseling. So we just do the best we can to help him. I research ways to help him w/social skills and anxiety. I made a total nusance of myself at the school until they agreed for ds to have school counseling.
There are some ways you could begin to help now. Research on the internet and library. Find a good website that addresses your son's problems and start there. Maybe counseling can help or even medication. My ds is on meds. and they really do help.
Also, find a good forum and read what others are dealing with and how they help their loved ones.
I know you feel devastated now, but in time your inner "mommy lion" will come out and you will do everything in your power to help your child.
Let us know how it goes. And if you want to share some info on what you think the problem is we are all willing to listen and help if we can.

[QM]

I am so sorry to hear this. I offer no words of wisdom other than to get as much information as you can and get all the support you can to get you and your family through this. ((HUGS))

[ktsmama]

No matter how old they get, they are still your babies. He has a wonderful mother. I hope the doctors are able to help him quickly.

[leighcat]

You need to have every test under the sun done on him, and check his diet. I was misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder and chronic fatigue syndrome. Exercise, diet, and finding out what was REALLY wrong with me has helped SO much. After 10 years I finally found a doctor that would listen to me. My doctor is my hero. He is sending me to 4 different specialists to find out what is going on. Doctors want to label things and give pills, but not my doctor. He wants me cured!
Start researching his symptoms online then request the blood tests associated with what disorders his symptoms fall under. My doctor took my advice about what I thought I needed checked and I may have been right. He is sending me to an endocrinologist because he suspects something is up with my hormones and adrenal glands. Please, don't let them just medicate him without proper tests! That is what led to it taking SO long for me to find out what is happening with me.

[shoiji]

Have him get a thorough physical with all the blood tests. Talk to the doctor about current medication being taken. Have him tell the doctor the way he is feeling.

Had a brother that was not feeling right and depressed come to find out he was hypoglycemic. If I remember right they found out from hair analysis. Stay as positive as possible if there is a mental illness. Meaning the more positive you are about getting help and talking with someone the less stigma there will be to getting help.

I had gone through a period of not feeling right for a period of time. Feeling sad and lithargic. Come to find out my thyroid was terribly low. Now I also know I have a food sensitivity which also affects my mood besides making my skin breakout and I itch all over.

If there is a mental illness you can be his best advocate. Meaning talking with the doctor to let the doctor know how your child is normally. Will help alot with any medications that might be given. Especially if you can tell the doctor that the medication is affecting your child in a negative way.

[Michelle68]

I agree with the suggestions about extensive testing. Can you share with us the reasons that you feel your DS maybe exhibiting signs of mental illness? Perhaps someone may recognize something that they or someone they know have experienced which may indicate something else. As others have said, there are many, many things that can cause changes in mental/emotional status such as meds, hormonal fluctuations, thyroid problems, etc. Hugs to you. You are a great mom.

[many houseapes]

Ds is 24 yrs old. He has no other health "insurance" other than through the county. I am afraid that he will not be given top quality care as his choice of doctors,etc. is limited.
a little history....when he was 18 he started having intestinal attacks - cramping,runs, had a difficulty eating anything b/c it would cause his stomach to act up.We thought that it was a stomach virus or that the tea that he drank at the restaurant where he worked was bad (it was discovered that the tea machine wasn't cleaned very well). He took black walnut,charcoal , acidophilus(sp?) and aloevera for awhile & that seemed to help him get better. Then over the course of 4 yrs he had 3 more attacks - the last one was a huge red flag & he finally agreed to see a doctor. So he had the tests...he was a little low on potassium and later was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis. He has to be on a med called Asocol for the rest of his life to control it. He also takes a multi vitamin everyday to keep from getting ulcers in his mouth (it effects the whole digestive system). Soon, he began having insomnia & he would not take it upon himself to try & get it under control. He was up all night on the computer & sleeping during the day - it was making holding down a job difficult....they were patient with him until last yr & he finally quit after management pressure. Anyway, he's been on meds for the sleeping problem(Zolpidem) for nearly a year. Along w/the sleep aids, the dr. perscribed an anti-depressent (lexapro)....but ds stopped taking it b/c it made him feel worse...fast forward to the symptoms that he's displaying: He thinks that everything that he does is a sin...he beats himself up in his head about little things that he does...he's scared of going to hell & often cries about it. Dh & I have explained to ds (& he's known this fact as a little kid) that the Bible tells us that we are all sinners and that if we just confess to the Lord what we've done, He forgives us and He forgets about it...and we should too & go on with life. Ds knows this, yet he still has a problem believing it.He had one of his episodes the other day & told me.."I just had another argument with God & I don't remember what it was about"....if he can't sleep, he's walking around the house & its creeping everybody out...my ds#2 & he share a room & when ds #2 is trying to sleep at 3am, ds#1 is sobbing "forgive me,please forgive me"...I've woke up in the morning and have found him sleeping with a few Bibles opened on his bed.His manuerisms have changed...he grimaces every few minutes...sometimes he looks as if he's gong to cry..he can't keep his hands still - always messing w/his face especially when he's nervous. For the past few months when he goes to church with me,most of the time he won't stay in the sactuary - he's up walking the front hall, talking to people that might be around. If he does sit with us, he's messing w/his face - even picks his nose in public. I have brought his attention to this embarassing behavior & told him to either put his hands in his pockets or sit on them if he has to. Lately he has been taking forever helping to grade the children's school papers. He is currently trying to find a job,but until he does, he's helping me.This weekend, it took him until Sunday to finish what could have been accomplished in 30 minutes on Friday....& lately, he's been drawing crosses by where the children label their name on their assignments.Over the past few weeks he has rarely went out of the house...he might go once a week looking for work...used to be he'd go someplace every day. He has no drive to take care of himself -like taking control of his healthcare...If I didn't make his appointments for him, he would just sit & rot...he is easily distracted if it isn't artwork or the computer...his walking gait is slow,kind of daydreamy like. I'm afraid it might be schizophrenia

[Luckybustert]

One of the first things to look at is his medications. The medications you mentioned can have the following side effects with respect to the nervous system. Some of the more rare side effects of zolpidem seem consistent with the behavior you've described?

Asacol - Nervous: Depression, somnolence, emotional lability, hyperesthesia, vertigo, confusion, tremor, peripheral neuropathy (rare), transverse myelitis (rare), Guillain-Barré syndrome (rare).

Zolpidem - Central and peripheral nervous system: Frequent: ataxia, confusion, euphoria, headache, insomnia, vertigo. Infrequent: agitation, anxiety, decreased cognition, detached, difficulty concentrating, dysarthria, emotional lability, hallucination, hypoesthesia, illusion, leg cramps, migraine, nervousness, paresthesia, sleeping (after daytime dosing), speech disorder, stupor, tremor. Rare: abnormal gait, abnormal thinking, aggressive reaction, apathy, appetite increased, decreased libido, delusion, dementia, depersonalization, dysphasia, feeling strange, hypokinesia, hypotonia, hysteria, intoxicated feeling, manic reaction, neuralgia, neuritis, neuropathy, neurosis, panic attacks, paresis, personality disorder, somnambulism, suicide attempts, tetany, yawning.

[Samigirl]

I read your comment with much sadness. How completely agonizing it must be to see your son so tortured. I don't have any words of wisdom, I just wanted to tell you my heart hurts for you and your family.

[mauimagic]

Your already full plate is certainly overflowing now. I wish I was near you so we could just talk. You are so right to be concerned, your DS needs you now more than ever.

Schizophrenia has a tendancy to surface in teen years and later and usually in males. It would really help you if you can take all that is going to happen as much as factual information as possible. It does help to take someone not so involved to the meetings so they can take notes for you.

I pray that you will use this thread to bounce ideas around - as you have already started. Your son's life is unfolding at a speed that can make you dizzy and feel like nothing you can wrap your mind around. Thank goodness he has you as his advocate. I know that you will push ahead to do everything you can to get this all sorted out. Our minds are so much happier when we know with assurance what is going on.

You asked if any of us have been where you are - no one has been exactly where you are, but I sure that others have had similar challenges with their children. Mine was when DD got a concussion in the 8th grade and it was just sloughed off by the paramedics and the soccer staff. She's almost 24 and there are still after effects from it. She's one of the lucky ones. I pushed and pushed to get the testing and support that she needed and deserved. That's what we will do to help you help your son.

We are here for you - to bolster you up and share your ups and downs.

.....and I need to add an 'oh by the way'.....for students who do not qualify for special education services, there are always accomodations that can be made under the 504 umbrella.

Please stay in touch and let us know what we can do for you....if nothing else, we are good listeners and we do care.

[Dutchie]

I read your comment with much sadness. How completely agonizing it must be to see your son so tortured. I don't have any words of wisdom, I just wanted to tell you my heart hurts for you and your family.

Samigirl said it much better than I ever could.

I would like to say something about the meds.
I too take Zolpidem every so often (half tablet). I have been warned by my dr. that it is EXTREMELY addictive so I have to be careful with it and only use it when absolutely necessary.
I do only use it according to his instructions but I have been noticing that the morning after I have used it, I am unfocussed and really 'out of it', cry easily etc.
This wears off during the afternoon.

What I have learned from our dr. about this med is that it helps you 'get' to sleep but it doesn't 'keep' you asleep.

I hope that some of this helps.
I do agree with the poster who said that I would look at his meds first.

((((HUGS)))))

[ladykemma2]

look at religious addiction as well as schizophrenia. the side effects of that medication are scary.