New challenge would like some assistance

[sahm2boys]

Hello,

My father in law passed in october
leaving a wife and grown son living in the house..neither are responsible.OR appreciative Besides the gross state of the inside of the house which is being cleaned now and no food in the house.. we are now taking over the bills which is a CRAZY messy..

I have never had a mortgage.
Everything is still in the fathers name..

The mother gets $1689.00 a month in SS next check is march 3rd
she may loose a month due to over payment that was made and the same month a credit card took the funds out of the account..leaving nothing..we are setting up an account and depositing the ss check and managing the bills

when that happened it bounced the mortgage payment for Jan..the mortgage payment has not been made for jan. feb and movin on to march.
they have a second mortgage of $218 due for feb and march late fees as well

utilties
Water bill - unknown
Cable/phone/internet - unknown..need to disconnect the phone and internet...computer hasnt been used since Oct. plan to disconnect and get a cheaper cable plan
Verizon Cell phone - she still has her and her husbands line active..$76.00 due March 2..disconnecting and getting a $30/mo frawg phone unlimited minutes
Electric bill $590.00...last payment 2/19 for 318.00 budget plan removal notice Of 318 a month...might be best to remove from budget and start a 6 mo repayment plan if that option is available
no vehicles
no insurance
taxes - unknown
health insurance - non existent
applying for food stamps Monday
grown son applying for food stamps and unemployment Monday

I was thinking of paying both mortgages and a half of each until caught up but it doesnt leave much room for the remaining bills and i dont know if the mortgage companies will settle for that or not

if i get more info i will post..

all advice welcomed

[ladykemma2]

are these grownups mentally incompetent or otherwise disabled?

[shoiji]

Make sure to find out all the bills that need to be paid each month. When you go to apply for food stamps ask about heating and cooling assistance. You can also check to see if your state has a website where you can find out more of what is available in terms of aid.

[NikoSan999]

If she is getting $1689 a month regardless of what it is from she probably will not qualify for food stamps or anything else. That is what they consider a large amount of money for one person. The son will probably NOT count as he is not a minor.

Also when the mortgage goes into 90 days late or the 3rd month foreclosure procedures will undoubtedly start. Then you do have problems. I'm not sure about the second mortgage. This would be priority, taking care of mortgage.

But time is running out on the mortgage, whatever you're going to do I'd start doing or talking immediately. If there's no vehicle how is the son going to sign up for unemployment or even look for a job.

Be careful here or you'll have 2 dependent people living you YOU.

[sahm2boys]

in no way shape of form will they live with me

the mother imo is incompetent yet its not been approved legally..we just found out last night how bad things are, we knew things were going down hill because she was calling demanding money left and right..neither will help them selves, say thank you or ask...these people are very selfish and more..

she had a back injury but the doc said there is no reason why she cant get up and move around..that she is just lazy..both refuse to clean behind themselves or take responsibility for the mess they put themselves into..the son claimed her on the taxes and blew the money and of course he wont step up and doing anything but complain about the mess and her..yet he is living there and not working..i think he needs to be up off his butt and cleaning house if he isnt working...

the son is just a useless human being..he doesnt have a license to drive..him getting a job is his problem..we want him gone and out of the house..

i dont think she will get approved for the food stamps but its worth a shot
also needs to try for medical assistance

he can apply for unemployment on line

we would like to see if assistant living or a nursing home is an option..her memory is awful..shes on oxygen..has some bad habits..refuses to get up and do anything...cook, clean, bath..and like i said we would like to remove the son..but they are attached at the hip...they are not pleasant people to be around..

[frugalfoster]

How old is the mil and the bil... do they have anything of any worth to sell to get those mortgage payments current?? How is your dh doing with all of this?

[mauimagic]

Lots of questions to ask and answer.

When my father passed away - in FL - his wife had just been released from hospital two weeks prior and had no way to care for herself. I spent time with state people finding support for her - Suggest you see what is available on local and state level. As hard as it may sound, you are not responsible for these people unless you choose to be. Hopefully you and your husband have discussed this situation and are agreed as to the course of action you are willing to take. You are the only ones who can make that decision.

Sending prayers and aloha your way. Keep in touch. Will support you in what you decide to do.

[Imarachne]

Sounds as if they are both chronically depressed due to the not bathing and poor hygiene. Maybe look into getting some medical attention. Good luck and do the best you can. Are there any other relatives you can get some help from.

[NikoSan999]

In the four months since he died what did they do with the money if they didn't pay bills and no transportation, gas, car insurance? $1689 while not a huge amount of money by any means it also is not small. As for qualifying for any asistance proverty level is a little over $14000 a year which comes out to about $1166 a month. That might be for 2 people I can't remember. But that's alot of blow money. The house is going to have to be caught up at least a month to even think about stopping it.

I feel for you. If this is going to even start to work you're going to need the whole monthly check. And prepare for what you're going to do with her at some point.

[pollypurebred39]

"As hard as it may sound, you are not responsible for these people unless you choose to be." A quote from Maui


Thank you for this Maui, very soon I may have to face a situation similar. I've been feeling A LOT of guilt by not wanting to take them into my home. But the truth of the matter is if I did they'd never leave and that's just too much on my plate.

sahm2boys, I sure hope things work out, you've got quite a can of worms there.

[mauimagic]

It's not easy being a grown up. My hearts go out to you all. As women, we tend to take care of everyone and sometimes we just cannot do what we think we should or must. Not at all easy. that's why we need to talk things over, get the opinions of others and then do what we know is right in our hearts. If we don't take care of ourselves, we cannot take care of anyone else......and Polly, your heart and hands are already so full.

[Saule]

Check if your state has an agency for the elderly. That department can be an enormous amount of help, if you have one. You may need to consider guardianship for her.

It;s worth a shot calling the bank, phone company, etc., explaining that your father has died and that you are trying to get it under control. They might at least waive the late fees. No guarantees, but worth a call, especially as you can show a death certificate.

ALE might be an option, it depends how cooperative she is on her own care. You'll need to figure out how much equity in the house to see what your options for her are. In Illinois there are several ALE facilities for people on disability/Social Security and they are quite good. A woman from my church who is bipolar (controlled with meds) and suffering from lung cancer moved into one last summer, and she could not be happier. The constant strain of having to make the rent is gone, and she can focus on her multiple health issues.

If the son is a total freeloader, which is what it sounds like, you may have additional issues, as he may figure out that he needs to control to provide himself a nest. I got sucked into a situation like that where the daughter was living with her widowed and disabled mother, I won't even get into the details, save to say that it's a real mess.

I wish you all the best, these are heartbreaking situations, and you are very lucky if you come out of it with your sanity intact, I'm sorry to say.

[lparker]

"Everything is still in the fathers name.." Why are you involved? No, never mind, it's family... It would seem to me that your DH should get some type of power-of-attorney to get control of the SS check if you are going to invest any amount of money in the property...The odds of you getting your money back looks to be nil.

[sahm2boys]

How old is the mil and the bil... do they have anything of any worth to sell to get those mortgage payments current?? How is your dh doing with all of this?

62 and 30
i suggested that today as well..maybe a living rm suit
tv, computer and dinning room table

ok..disappointed in them

[sahm2boys]

In the four months since he died what did they do with the money if they didn't pay bills and no transportation, gas, car insurance? $1689 while not a huge amount of money by any means it also is not small. As for qualifying for any asistance proverty level is a little over $14000 a year which comes out to about $1166 a month. That might be for 2 people I can't remember. But that's alot of blow money. The house is going to have to be caught up at least a month to even think about stopping it.

I feel for you. If this is going to even start to work you're going to need the whole monthly check. And prepare for what you're going to do with her at some point.

im pretty sure the useless brother wasted it on illegal things thats all im saying on that..plus they both drink and smoke...and again he blew the money and a credit card that was owed tapped into the checking acct and withdrew something like 1800