So mad

[Rhiamon]

I am so mad I could spit fire. DD got sent from the kitchen table for eatting like an animal with her hands, then when I made her get down she hit me. so it was straight to bed. Then she wouldn't stay in bed so I took her back to bed she kicked, hit and bite me. Then when I closed her bedroom door she had such a fit she picked up a plastic cup chucked it and smashed the window.
I know she has a disability and it is hard for her to control her anger. She is ADHD, LD, and has a major impulse control problem. But seriously...
She had been so good for a week or so. Sigh I don't know what to do. Then when I told her she was going to have to work around the house helping with house work to pay it off, she had a yelling match. Then told me she was going to go to school and tell the teacher I smashed the window so I would go to jail. GRRRRR She is also grounded until Saturday.
Am I being to harsh about this?

[qcrazy]

how old is your DD?

[Rhiamon]

she is 6, she will be 7 in April

[qcrazy]

My DS turned 7 last week he has ADHD. He stabbed my husband with a fork this morning he thought he was going to take his food away and you know how hungry they are when their meds aint kicked in. But it thankfully did not hurt DH, but this is our life one incident after the other.

I see a hard road ahead with this one. Its like he is so bizzy even just in his head he dosnt understand lots of stuff. His meds dont kick in till he is at school and wear off by the time he gets home so its hard on everyone. He like a wild animal in a small cage I feel sorry for him. He has way to much energy for our small house.

I wish I had lots of great advice for you but really ADHD is
just hard.

BTW I wish my son would do chores. Ive tried everything from positive praise, money, XBOX to corner time, nothing works with this kid, he just dont care even if that means he is in trouble..

Good luck I hope things get better.

[frugalwarrior2]

I am gonna go w/ yes. Anger in /anger out. You guys got into a p-ssing contest and no one won. If she has anger issues and impulse control it is imperative you let little things go and gentle the way you disapline. I suggest you get "lessons" from a councelor. I wish I had. Soon when she's little, don't wait until later.
This is not a criticism,. I raised (17 and 19 now) 2 this way. There were things broken. Days are long. Bed time is never soon enough. Get in a group. Just to vent,of people w/ similar situations. Six is young. She is actually m ore like 4 because of the LD/ADHD slower brain development for impulse control and emotional maturity. Understand that she is always on the verge of aggrevation because things are more frustrating.
Forget the window. You helped escalate. I know it feels so personal. Work w/ a pro on how to set limits. I know you don't like my answer. I wouldn't have back then. Too bad no one told me then anyway.

[Rhiamon]

We work with a behaviorist and did what we were supposed to according the mental health workers, Dr, her OT and the school. We work with. We do 1,2,3 magic and have been told that we are to stand our ground firmly. She was told several times at dinner. It is one of the things we have been working on with the behaviorist. And we were told not to stand for aggression what so ever. So the first time she hit me, it was straight to bed. Then I have been told when I put her in her room if she leaves take her back, and close the door. I in no way got into a p***ing contest with her. I never even raised my voice until she broke the window. I have been told because of how aggressive she is with me that and violence is an automatic time out. I will not let the window slide what so ever because regardless she needs to know that there are consequences for her behavior. One day my daughter is going to be bigger than me and I have to put a stop to the aggression now. She has been doing really well until today. Regardless of what her diagnoses is I will not tolerate violence it is unacceptable and eventually she is going to have to be a part of the real world and if she were to act this way towards someone else the consequences would be harsh, such as a suspension from school.
I do let allot slide, but there are certain things we have discussed with the mental health workers that we all agree are not to slide. Yes these children are hard to raise, and if I am not firm with her now then when. We do not use any form of physical punishment with her, and most of the time don't raise are voices.

[qcrazy]

The consoler is a great Idea we just started seeing one Im hoping it will help us out a lot. So far its just been me crying my eyes out when we go because i DONT KNOW WHAT to do with him next time it going to be just him. Im hoping it will help... Well it cant hurt.

[Nana2two]

You have any idea what set her off? My son is autistic he is now 20 also has adhd ocd along with other things. When he around he was sitting in the floor with me and just got angry, no idea what set him off but he threw his head back and hit me in the mouth knocked my jaw outofline and damaged my teeth. He was around 7 or so.

I also found when my son was coming down sick his temper would start for no reason.. You will be in my prayers. I wouldnt worry about if she tells the school. If the know the problems she does have they will not look at any other way.

[Nana2two]

I re read the first sentance of your message, about her eating. My prevouis message asked if you knew what said set her off!

[mauimagic]

Not to kidnap this thread, but I would like to know Qsaver, is it your choice not to have your son on meds at home? Have you ever considered it?

Rhiamon, it sounds as if you have a strong, professional support team. How frustrating and exhausting this whole episode must have been for you all. One thing that I try to watch out for with some of my students who have exploding tendancies is to be very observant and careful if they have been 'really good' for any length of time.....I can usually forecast problem behavior coming.....and it totally helps that I am not their parent - What helps my children (and each one is diferent) is more physical activity, jumping on a trampoline is terrific, as is running, kicking a ball and swinging.

I hope you'll keep us informed, I know that I always learn a tremendous amount from the parents of my students. She will learn; you do have to be strong and clear. She needs boundaries and you may get worn out providing them. You are on quite a journey and I have chicken skin just writing to you about your daughter. You are blessed to have each other.

[craftypam]

I totally agree with the adhd is hard. He's now 30 and doing great. Growing up and going to school was very difficult. Teachers and students alike treated him very poorly because he was different. I could not wait until he graduated. I would definately say I agree with not putting up with any aggression because as you say she will get bigger than you and if you continue to let her be out of control it will only get worse.

[frugalwarrior2]

When I said p-ssing contest I was speaking to the comment about eating improperly at the table.

[MomToTwoBoys]

We deal with temper tantrums of all sorts in our house.

DS11 is autistic, has OCD and communication problems. He's the hardest one to deal with sometimes.

DS6 was thought to have ADHD, and I still think he does, but it's getting a lot better since we started having more time together.

I've gone through everything from broken doors to broken nicknacks, yelling matches and slamming doors, etc. It's not fun. If your DD is 6, it may be a phase as well. DS6 had a phase and when it got bad at school, the one thing that worked for us to get him to snap out of it was a grounding to his room. We stood firm, stood our ground, made him write out sentences (he shoved a classmate and she almost hit her head on the metal steps) and he spent three whole days in his room. We also took him away from his goodies, which are the Wii and the computer. Ever since then, he's been good.

When he does have tendancies flaring up, we repeat the same procedure: he's off to his room. The thing with discipline is that it has to be the same no matter what. There's no way that you can let things slide; it has to be the same punishment, no matter what. If you let things slide, she'll know you're letting her get away with it. If you call her on some things, but don't on others, the punishment is not going to work at all.

Even with DS11, we have to be firm and use the same sort of thing with him. Just because he's autistic, that doesn't give him a free pass to do things that he shouldn't do. Sure, sending him to his room is what gets us the slamming doors and holes in the walls, but after he's calmed down then we talk to him about what he's done. He's currently on 0.75mg Risperidol, which is an anti-psychotic medication for schizophrenics. We'd debated putting him on anti-anxiety medications because we believe that's what is fueling his behaviors and outbursts, and are continuing to monitor his anxiety issues. Has your DD also been checked for anxiety problems?

Even though my oldest is on medication, I don't believe that ADHD needs a medication at all. My brother was ADHD when he was little and my mom refused medication. When we thought DS6 had ADHD, we debated medication and then stopped when we found that more one-on-one time worked. What also worked for us with DS6 is that we would have discussions and found out the reason he was having his tantrums/fits/meltdowns was because either a) he didn't think he had to do anything, b) he didn't want to do anything and/or c) the reason that he was given for doing what we asked him to do wasn't good enough for him. Sadly, age of reason in kids starts at 7.

Unless her disability is so debilitating that she can't function or communicate normally, there's always a way to modify her behavior. The saying that 'oh, my child has a disability so she/he doesn't know what they're doing' is a very stretched excuse.

[Nana2two]

Unless her disability is so debilitating that she can't function or communicate normally, there's always a way to modify her behavior. The saying that 'oh, my child has a disability so she/he doesn't know what they're doing' is a very stretched excuse.[/QUOTE]

My son was on meds for ocd. He was never on meds adhd. It made him so lathargic he couldn't function at all. With certain kids,meds makes things worse. Some kids it's the home setting. But as a mother of a child with these type of problems. I know first hand like any mom with kids with anger issues that as a mental disability in some way, its tough. My son is non verbal. even with a communication board he still has issues.I know this sounds mean but don't ever feel so sorry for your child,because even with the worse disabled kids, they know to a certain degree what is needed of them. I worked with disabled adults for many years and learned first hand about how fast they learn to push buttons.

[2ndGenGranola]

BTDT

It is the season for the kids to start acting out. The season change makes mine act out. DH is sitting with DS #1 at this moment - I've had all I can stand for today.