Why is it always me? Vent

**mom23boyz** · 04-13-2010, 09:23 PM

That gets behind the guy at the market who spends $50 on a bunch of garbage....with his food stamps THEN goes out and gets into a new Suburban?!?!?! While I am scraping to get food for the 5 of us on $13 for the week! Its frustrating. I have no problem with people getting FS in fact if we qualified I would do it too to help make ends meet but I think that smarter food choices should be made. Maybe more like WIC where its monitored-outlined what they are for. I hope noone is offended and I truly believe if you are here....you are obviously making every penny of your stamps count.

**Nana2two** · 04-13-2010, 11:28 PM

Because your a honest person! Your doing what your suppose to be doing.I see it all the time infact i just made a comment to hubby a few days ago. Maybe he is only on food stamps for a short time, maybe his car is payed. Maybe he had tons of money and was a honest person like you and he hit hard times. Who knows maybe he just needs a prayer.So many what if's.

**frugalwarrior2** · 04-13-2010, 11:37 PM

Let's make up a story.
He is buying the junk food for a friend and will trade for paper products he can't buy on food stamps. He is underwater on the new suburban but can't even afford to get a clunker because he is recently unemployed and doesn't know about FV and our frugal ways. He hopes to find a new job soon before the repossesion guys find him and take the Suburban he is living in. He parks at the state park but uses his old address to get his food stamps. He figures he'll buy his kids some junk food because everything else sucks.
Get my point. I think a lot of people are quietly desperate and many things are not what they seem.

**Molemommy** · 04-14-2010, 12:53 AM

Well I have know personally many a people on FS (not a bad thing) but they do not buy good choices.... like once i was inline behind this lady that had a cart full of chips soda and a large b-day cake... she made the comment to her cashier that she is having a party for her hubby... then procedes to pay with her fs... What? that is nuts... also I know some that on on fs and they buy junk and did you know you can go to sheetz and use fs to but the mto items? that is not right... I also agree with the original post there should be guidelines that have to be followed like wic does.. no soda, no junk, etc... or maybe x amount for soda and x amount for junk... sorry i dont mean to offend anyone it is a wonderful and helpefull thing when used correctly..

**imagine** · 04-14-2010, 03:43 AM

It is a tough thing then you are trying to be so good and you see someone you feel isn't working as hard and getting something you can't. Much like then your dieting and resiting treats and your friend is dieting to and not skipping treats but is losing more weight then you. It feels unfair and you feel the need to vent. It is normal to feel that way.

That said, I tend to think we judge others unfairly sometimes.

Strangers often comment on my truck thinking it is new. We bought it used almost ten years ago it has been paid for for years.

That nice expensive outfit someone is wearing and seems like they paid a fortune for was bought at Salvation Army or was given to them as a present or hand me down.

That diamonds engagement ring might be a fake or was her Grandmother's ring.

That cell phone you see a teenager talking on doesn't really work they just are pretending it does. Students at the high school do this here all the time.

My daughter took one of her American Girl dolls to school today for show and tell. The teacher was surprised she had more then one "as they are expensive". What Little Miss failed to tell them was. That we (her Mom and Dad) didn't by any of them. They were 1)hand me downs (Samantha was mine when I was a kid) 2)present from Grandma, and 3)that she had saved her own money for a long time to buy Molly. The teacher's perception of where our money was going was incorrect.

Our perceptions aren't always true.

**baxjul** · 04-14-2010, 06:37 AM

You bring up very good point imagine!

**Nada.Leona** · 04-14-2010, 07:14 AM

This is a similar issue to what the homeless are up against in a lot of situation -- ignorance and lack of ability. For one, we all know that junk food is super cheap. Even if we were buying what we thought was "healthy", what are you looking at buying? Hot dogs, processed cheese, white bread, canned fruit in syrup, chemically-laden sauces, the list goes on and on. Eating healthy costs a heck of a lot more -- heck, we complain about that here on FV all the time.

To be honest, the majority of the population doesn't understand what they need to be healthy. For all the work nutritionists and dietiticians are doing to promote healthy choices, they're not reaching everyone. I have patients all the time at work who ask me about food and look very puzzled when I tell them white bread isn't healthy. Why not?! It's bread, right? Why isn't it okay to eat just fruit and no vegetables? People, in a lot of instances, don't understand what proper nutrition is. And they make their choices based on what little knowledge they do have. They'll buy juice instead of the real fruit, or over-processed chicken soups thinking this will provide them enough protein, or V8 juice and figure they got their vegetable quotant for the day.

What they've actually purchased, however, is tons and tons of sugar, salt and fat. V8 juice, for example, has way too much sodium, way more than you need. White rice, though quick to cook, is complete garbage, because it is all sugar and provides no nutritional substance. I could go on, but I don't.

Homeless in my town face a similar issue. When they do make a little money, they go and purchase garbage -- hamburgers and fries, milkshakes, pizza, etc. at fast food places, or garbage foods at the grocery stores -- because they neither know nor can afford to buy healthier foods.

And what ends up happening? Obesity, poor dental health, diabetes, etc.

So your dude in the Suburban, while he's using his food stamps for garbage, probably doesn't know to or can't afford to spend his limited food stamp income on fresh fruits and veggies, brown rice, whole grain breads, extra lean hamburger, simple sauces, or fish.

Which isn't going to help him get himself off of the government. He'll eventually develop an iron deficiency, or high blood pressure, or some other condition that will require him to take expensive medications to treat his issues, as well as have to change his diet, which he won't do because he has no idea how to or what to do.

**frugal is fun** · 04-14-2010, 08:24 AM

I was just behind someone using WIC over the weekend and all I thought was "there has to be a simplier way". The poor woman had four kids, who were for the most part well behaved. But even I, who was alone, was getting tired of standing there as the cashier had to compare every item to the WIC.

I totally understand the need for food stamps and for WIC but there has to be an easier, more efficient way!

**frugalfoster** · 04-14-2010, 10:25 AM

I have a client who runs the local food bank here in town. She says most of the people who come to the food bank do not know how to cook the foods that are given to them. Dry beans? They have no clue as to how to fix them.. rice? Actually don't know how to fix it either... They give out cooking directions for them, but mostly, the people refuse to take those kind of items. We have become a nation of convenience, and it has caused great obesity. I don't know what the answer is, but we need to address the problem!!

**imagine** · 04-14-2010, 10:44 AM

Originally Posted by frugalfoster

I have a client who runs the local food bank here in town. She says most of the people who come to the food bank do not know how to cook the foods that are given to them. Dry beans? They have no clue as to how to fix them.. rice? Actually don't know how to fix it either... They give out cooking directions for them, but mostly, the people refuse to take those kind of items. We have become a nation of convenience, and it has caused great obesity. I don't know what the answer is, but we need to address the problem!!

Thanks for pointing this out.

This interested me so I started a spin off thread

"How did you learn to cook?" over in the food section.

Hope people answer. It should be interesting.

**mom23boyz** · 04-14-2010, 11:07 AM

I agree... well.... all the way across the board. I know its not fair or right for me to judge him and truth is we have fallen on hard times too. I haven't been able able to find a job in over a yr. I am barely holding onto that Excursion out there I am a rolling 30 day late with it have been for oh 2 yrs I think. I know its tough. Honestly I look out EVERY morning to make sure the repo man hasn't come.

Maybe its more jealousy than irritation...jealousy that we too have worked hard and my DH continues to work his butt off just to get by and we can't get help. He makes too much for help but not enough to be comfortable. Off my

**Mom2-3** · 04-14-2010, 11:44 AM

I think I understand what you are saying.

I feel the same way when I know we are keeping a tight budget and trying our hardest, then we see someone freely spending a ton of money! I just try and tell myself that I don't know this person's finances. Someone could look at us and wish they were in our position (not knowing everything)

Grass isn't always greener, but it sure seems like it sometimes!

Vent away

**shoiji** · 04-14-2010, 01:24 PM

When I was volunteering at the food pantry some people would ask what to do with certain foods they were not used to. I also remember some clients would request the canned beans, ravioli, peanut butter, etc., because they were homeless or did not have a stove top, oven, microwave, etc., to actually cook on. One client felt luckily since he stayed at the shelter but a friend let him use their kitchen.

**dcompton** · 04-14-2010, 01:52 PM

When I am sitting here reading the post, I agree with all of this. I really, truly do, and the world is a hard place. Terribly hard for many people. When I was reading the post, that was my first thought.

But in honesty I have to admit it's sometimes hard to remember that when I am the one standing in line with my knees killing me, just wanting to get out and sit down down in the car, critically watching what's coming out of the basket, though I know it is no business of mine, and waiting and waiting. Once I get home, and don't hurt so much I can be reasonable again, and take myself to task for being so judgemental. But at the time, it can be hard.

**Michelle** · 04-14-2010, 02:32 PM

Originally Posted by imagine

It is a tough thing then you are trying to be so good and you see someone you feel isn't working as hard and getting something you can't. Much like then your dieting and resiting treats and your friend is dieting to and not skipping treats but is losing more weight then you. It feels unfair and you feel the need to vent. It is normal to feel that way.

That said, I tend to think we judge others unfairly sometimes.

Strangers often comment on my truck thinking it is new. We bought it used almost ten years ago it has been paid for for years.

That nice expensive outfit someone is wearing and seems like they paid a fortune for was bought at Salvation Army or was given to them as a present or hand me down.

That diamonds engagement ring might be a fake or was her Grandmother's ring.

That cell phone you see a teenager talking on doesn't really work they just are pretending it does. Students at the high school do this here all the time.

My daughter took one of her American Girl dolls to school today for show and tell. The teacher was surprised she had more then one "as they are expensive". What Little Miss failed to tell them was. That we (her Mom and Dad) didn't by any of them. They were 1)hand me downs (Samantha was mine when I was a kid) 2)present from Grandma, and 3)that she had saved her own money for a long time to buy Molly. The teacher's perception of where our money was going was incorrect.

Our perceptions aren't always true.

Well said, imagine