Help~ Am I taking this wrong

**nodmicks** · 04-23-2010, 07:08 PM

I would like some insight to see if I am taking this the wrong way. Prom is tomorrow. We paid the tad under $150 to rent our sons tux. No problem~ glad to do it! I told him he was in charge of his dates corsage , dinner etc.

I was confused when I picked up the flowers because his boutonniere was in with the corsage. I only ordered the corsage. The attendant said someone had called and added it. I asked kiddo about it because I was concerned I had the wrong flowers. He called is date. His dates Mom added the boutonniere with a phone call. That is ok because then they match.

I just assumed kiddo would pay me and get the extra from her later. No big deal. I get a phone call from his dates mom and she said she had wanted to pay for the corsage and the boutonniere. I told her she sure could pay for the boutonniere but I felt it was important kiddo pay for his dates corsage with is own $20. She agreed

Here is what threw me. The kids go to separate schools. This is not my sons schools prom but hers. She mention the kids going my my sons schools next month. She said if they wanted to go her daughter was all set with the dress and she would pay for my sons tux because.........

" I know $ is tight" and then after a few second pause " it is tight all over".

I was so kind of stunned I didn't even say anything and she went right on to the next subject.

It didn't hit me 100% until I got off the phone. Does she think we are flat broke??? Is that how you would take that?

So I pondered do we look broke?

Maybe.

We live in an ancient nothing fancy but cool to me 75% paid of farm house on 10 acres. We drive 8 and 9 year old nothing fancy but paid off cars.

Lets look at kiddo~

~DS's car is a beater. We paid half the cost, to register and license and the first few months ins . He paid all of his half but $300. His grandpa told him he wanted $25 a paycheck ( every 2 weeks)so he pays his grandpa the $25

~ the agreement was good grades and we pay ins. His last grades were not hot so he has to pay us $23 twice a month for his insurance.

~ he has nice clothes but hey that is not what is in style!

~ after a few times of him spending all his $ on junk and running out of gas $ I put the skids on giving him $ and let his car stay parked until he got paid. I took him to work. It wasn't the $ it is responsibility.

As I thought about this I wonder if I should explain that it is not about the $ or affording anything. It is about teaching my kiddo responsibility and about working for things he wants. I do not want to raise a kid that lives in my basement at 40 and has never supported himself because that is bad for him.

So how would you take that statement?

**mauimagic** · 04-23-2010, 07:15 PM

For some reason I took it that her daughter really wanted to go to her prom with your son and mom was just making it a tad bit easier for it to happen. Personally, I wouldn't put any energy towards the comment - basically because it's true that money is tight everywhere!!

High tux rental price or not for your area? Perhaps he could get a deal because he is a quick return customer?

Her comment would not make it to any worry list of mine - spend your energy on things that are important to you and your family. You're fine and that's all that counts!! IMHO!!

**nodmicks** · 04-23-2010, 07:28 PM

Originally Posted by mauimagic

For some reason I took it that her daughter really wanted to go to her prom with your son and mom was just making it a tad bit easier for it to happen. Personally, I wouldn't put any energy towards the comment - basically because it's true that money is tight everywhere!!

High tux rental price or not for your area? Perhaps he could get a deal because he is a quick return customer?

Her comment would not make it to any worry list of mine - spend your energy on things that are important to you and your family. You're fine and that's all that counts!! IMHO!!

He is actually going to her prom tomorrow. It is his prom in May the mom was talking about. They go to schools 20 min apart. We paid for the one tomorrow.

Nope thats the "only" tux place in our area

He will look very handsome though!

Thanks Maui! I figured I'd ask what you FV'ers thought. I am hormonal so I'm a bit touchy to be honest.

Actually if he does want to go to the second prom I told him we will pay half his rental and he can pay the other half. I think it is kind of a bit much though to go to two proms 2 weeks apart but like I said I AM hormonal

**monkeywrangler71** · 04-23-2010, 07:34 PM

I think she's just trying to share the financial burden with you and it came out wrong. The girl only had to buy the dress once, but the tux has to be rented twice, so two proms seems more of an expense for you than it is for them.

Try to put it out of your mind. Everyone says stupid things sometimes, she's probably more upset about it than you are.

**mauimagic** · 04-23-2010, 07:34 PM

Mahalo for which prom is which clarification - that makes me feel even stronger about my interpretation!!

Love how you are raising your son - hope others learn from you!! You can bet he'll continue your teachings on with his children.

Hormonal or not - you are the BEST!!

**ncarr** · 04-23-2010, 07:55 PM

I don't think she meant offense. I bet her daughter really wants to go to the other prom too and she is just trying to help out

**nodmicks** · 04-23-2010, 07:57 PM

Thanks you two for answering. She really does seem like a very nice lady the few times I have talked to her. I would never let her do it though. I know nothing about her financials but where she lives and she is a single mom.

I'm probably cranky too because I got razzed today about something I wouldn't unwisely spend a big chunk of $ today.

I told dh and he said " good if everyone thinks we are broke. They will quit asking for $!!!" He gets grumpy about people assuming he makes a mint driving semi for UPS and assuming it is a slacker job and telling him " he can afford xyz"

Thank you for the very nice compliment Maui! Monkeywrangler thank you for explaining that the way you did. That made sense!

Ncarr~ see I'm glad I asked you all! BEAUTIFUL AVATAR BTW!

The Villagers are the best! $ advice or personal!

**Debbie-cat** · 04-23-2010, 08:04 PM

I dont think she meant anything by the statement at all. She is probably trying to help since there are two proms to go to. I love how you are teaching your son responsibility. Way to go Mom!

**KeithBC** · 04-23-2010, 08:09 PM

Originally Posted by nodmicks

So how would you take that statement?

I would take it as their being nice and offering to share the costs.

**daughter of pearl** · 04-23-2010, 09:31 PM

You are raising your son with great values, and that's what you should focus on and feel proud. She probably meant nothing by it other than "Wow! Proms can get expensive!"

Are they serious? Maybe her mom will spring for the whole cost of a wedding! (Kidding!!)

**Michelle** · 04-23-2010, 09:36 PM

Originally Posted by monkeywrangler71

I think she's just trying to share the financial burden with you and it came out wrong. The girl only had to buy the dress once, but the tux has to be rented twice, so two proms seems more of an expense for you than it is for them.

:agree:

Maybe she was concerned that her daughter wouldn't be able to go because money *is* tight everywhere, and that was her way of ensuring her dd could go

**qcrazy** · 04-24-2010, 07:44 AM

I love how you are teaching your son responsibility! My oldest is almost 9 and my youngest is 7 they have chores sweep trash dishwasher ect. And do you know some ppl act like im doing wrong by expecting my kids to do stuff around the house.

I feel like the kids of today are in deep dodo. Their going to step out in the real world with out a clue, and be crushed. PPl are not teaching their kids common curtsey's and it drives me nuts. My kids says yes sir no sir ect. My oldest opens the door for everybody not just women (he should be a door man) I think its so cute when he opens my car door. What a little gentlemen.

**Libby** · 04-24-2010, 08:09 AM

I don't think she meant anything with her comment either but I do think she's very excited for her daughter to be able to go to not just one but TWO proms and knowing costs etc she wants to be able to make sure her daughter gets to attend both - ie the flowers and tux rental. She could be one of those 'for show' mothers as well that just throws money at situations....but honestly I think its the first option.

Enjoy the fact that your son is able to go to two proms AND be proud that you're raising your son to be financially responsible. I may be living with dad but my brother was coddled with finances and he's an inch or two from losing his house now and he's over 40. He still hasn't learned to manage money.

BE VERY PROUD that you're doing a wonderful job.

**McD** · 04-24-2010, 08:17 AM

Keep in mind too, that you have no idea what kind of things your son may have said to her or his gf, that could have prompted her to offer to help. I know my brother's gf has made comments to my mom about not being able to afford a dress so she borrowed one. Even if your son just made a comment about prom being expensive, it may have prompted the mom's offer to help.

**nodmicks** · 04-24-2010, 10:17 AM

Thanks everyone. I think I was just cranky yesterday and touchy because of getting razzed over my car. My 2001 has over 140K on it now and I have been looking for months and still haven't found the "deal" I want. I think that and hormones just had me touchy

I'm a tiny bit embarassed I took it wrong.

Mrs Mc D~ that is very possible. Especially with us making him save some of his $ etc and I was astounded at the cost of a tux

Libby thank you. I am trying to not do the coddling thing. Nothing wrong with living with family.

Qcrazy that is so awesome your young man is such a gentleman! Kuddos!

Michelle, daughter of Pearl. debbie and Keith ~ thanks!