you've got to be kidding~ rant ahead!

**frugalfranny** · 05-07-2010, 01:17 AM

Originally Posted by nodmicks

LONG PAUSE>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

him~ I have no one left to ask and I know you can afford to lend it too me!

I think he answered his own question with the above.........WHY does he have no one left to ask?.......because they all said "no" too. He has probably screwed them over too.

Whether you can 'afford' to or not is irrelevant......

You did exactly what you should have........and "NO", does get easier. I don't loan money.........nor do I borrow from my friends.

Hang in there.........

**militlady** · 05-07-2010, 01:26 AM

Good for you! You are doing the right thing. Don't feel bad about it and definetly don't let it upset you. Stress is bad for you.

We have actually closed down the bank of Mom & Dad in the last week and told all the boys don't even bother asking. We need to concentrate on paying off our own debt and funding our retirement fund.

**Siebrie** · 05-07-2010, 05:06 AM

We loaned an acquaintance in dire straits €50 a few months ago. He never paid us back. Last week, he asked if he could borrow €300, to have some spending money when he, his wife and 5y old dd are on a 2-month holiday/family visit in Morocco! NOOOOOO, you can't. Oh, and could we open his mail and pay any invoices that came in? NOOOOO, we won't. And could we please during his absence send in his monthly confirmation letters to Social Services that he has as yet not found any work, but is actively looking? NOOOO, we won't help with fraud. Hahaha! He found someone else, a lot more gullible.

**mauimagic** · 05-07-2010, 07:25 PM

Originally Posted by frugalfoster

Never loan money to anyone....If you feel the need to help someone out.. give them the money....loans create hard feelings..they just suck!!!

totally perfect advice. Have been burnt - and then I felt bad - ho stupid is that!!??!

Next time anyone calls for a loan - tell them that you Will not be able to grant their request, but you"ll pray for them.

**frugal is fun** · 05-11-2010, 06:05 PM

I agree with everyone. You totally did the right thing. Maybe he'll stop calling now!

**Dancing Lotus** · 05-11-2010, 07:18 PM

I have never loaned money. We were only asked once and we didn't have it at the time. But I do believe that if you can't consider it a gift then you shouldn't loan.
I don't think you were a crab , I think you were right

**mndtrp** · 05-12-2010, 12:43 AM

I thought the "Him" was your husband, and was wondering how long until the "I'm getting divorced" post showed up.

It sounds like you did the right thing. I've loaned money before, but figured if I didn't get paid back, I would survive. Sometimes I did, sometimes I didn't.

**Nada.Leona** · 05-12-2010, 05:20 AM

Originally Posted by AnnK

But I do believe that if you can't consider it a gift then you shouldn't loan.

That makes perfect sense to me. That's the way I'm going to feel about loans from hereon out -- if it's not a gift, it's not going to be made.

I don't even like having my parents or DH's parents sign off on credit for us. I hate that. I hate having to depend on someone else for help for anything. I don't understand how people can feel okay with borrowing money like that. I've been in situations where an extra $50 would've saved my butt, but I didn't dare ask for it. I just don't get it. I don't know if it's pride or morals or what, but I hate asking for help. Heck, I don't even like my mother to help with laundry.

**nodmicks** · 05-12-2010, 10:17 AM

Originally Posted by mndtrp

I thought the "Him" was your husband, and was wondering how long until the "I'm getting divorced" post showed up.

It sounds like you did the right thing. I've loaned money before, but figured if I didn't get paid back, I would survive. Sometimes I did, sometimes I didn't.

OH no not hubby! He is responsible (and hot) beyond measure. LOL since he makes 90% of our income he sure wouldn't need to borrow it.

I loved how you villagers shared your own stories. I didn't mean I felt like a jerk in this situation but frequently have felt like a jerk in these situations and had to learn to be firm.

I did call the pastor btw. He did not sound pleased at all.

**Liane** · 05-12-2010, 11:27 AM

Keep in mind some people never grow up and take responsibility for their actions. You can not help everyone. Also you are not now or from what I can tell have ever been a jerk. Your cousin should thank his lucky stars that you were nice enough to lend him money before. If he needs to get to a job interview 300 miles away he has a few choices:
start walking
hitch hike
ask someone else for a ride
or take a bus
He will no longer take you for a ride. People like that sometimes have to be tolerated but they do not have to be catered to.

**hollyhill** · 05-12-2010, 06:47 PM

Originally Posted by Siebrie

We loaned an acquaintance in dire straits €50 a few months ago. He never paid us back. Last week, he asked if he could borrow €300, to have some spending money when he, his wife and 5y old dd are on a 2-month holiday/family visit in Morocco! NOOOOOO, you can't. Oh, and could we open his mail and pay any invoices that came in? NOOOOO, we won't. And could we please during his absence send in his monthly confirmation letters to Social Services that he has as yet not found any work, but is actively looking? NOOOO, we won't help with fraud. Hahaha! He found someone else, a lot more gullible.

WWWHHHHAAAATTTT???

The nerve. I'd report him. Sorry just hit a raw nerve.. 2 month holiday indeed.

Great advise in this thread. help only those who are willing to help themselves...

**Nada.Leona** · 05-13-2010, 03:02 AM

Originally Posted by nodmicks

OH no not hubby! He is responsible (and hot) beyond measure. LOL

OMG, I nearly stopped breathing, laughing so hard at this line! That was awesome. "He is responsible -- AND HOT -- beyond measure!"

Originally Posted by nodmicks

I did call the pastor btw. He did not sound pleased at all.

I should say not! I have left churches because of snotty ol' gossips (and you don't have to be old to be a gossip -- some of them were younger than me!). Watch the next service be a preaching on "Keep Thy Mouth Shut About Business That Isn't Yours!"

**nodmicks** · 05-13-2010, 10:12 PM

Ladynada ~ glad I made you laugh! I'm still amazed after 19 years. My friends think it is funny

Good points Laine!!! It was probably just and excuse amyway.

Oh my gosh Seibre~ I am speechless!!!!!!!! The nerve!!!

**MomToTwoBoys** · 05-14-2010, 07:03 PM

I now see why some people don't like loaning money where family is concerned.

Oh my GOSH! I'd have kicked him in the bad place if he talked to me like that.

My own father (whom I cut out of my life about 15 years ago) was on his deathbed with lung cancer and still had the nerve to bug the rest of my family for money. This is a man who couldn't be bothered to provide for his children, but felt that in his timely demise, he'd take advantage of people's sympathy and beg for money.

Yeah, I don't feel bad for people who make their own financial misery.

DH and I have been able to keep financial stress out of the relationship between us and his parents. The loan that they made to us to pay off our CCs is being paid back and we haven't missed a payment. We did ask for them to let us have time off because of holidays, but as soon as those holidays ended, we went back to paying them back. My sister is about the only other person I would never, ever give money to.

Some family just can't be trusted.

**DaughterOfErin** · 05-16-2010, 05:18 PM

Have to agree with everyone else when it comes to lending or borrowing money among family or even friends. UNLESS it's a GIFT, then it's NOT a good idea at all. I love my family and friends waaay too much to allow anything possibly to come between us.