oh-how can i make them all understand..or does it really matter anyway if they do ???

**sabrelvssammy** · 05-16-2010, 12:11 PM

so dh and i were talking the other day about something...(don't even remember how the subject came up).... but the just of it was i was not buying or doing something that the rest of the mainstream world was...(there are soooo many things i can't even remember which one i was being 'scolded' about)....so anyway.... dh made the comment that he can't help it if i like living a 'self-deprivating lifestyle' coz sometimes he does not...

well my response to him (as if i even had to defend that comment anyway) was i am NOT living a 'self-deprivating lifestyle' and WHY does everyone continue to ASSUME that i am and call me out on it...(my mom, sister, friends, etc also continually harrass me about this)....

i am living my life EXACTLY the way i choose to live it....why must everyone ASSUME that i am living in this continued state of 'suffering' because i don't do things exactly as the people on the commercials do...or the way the magazines portray life to be led...or the way my neighbors, friends, family are living (in other words why am i not a SHEEP following the herd and bucking the system at every corner)....in reality today i am happier and more free than i have ever been in my life....unfortunately it has taken too many years to get to here...but i am finally here and i'm staying....

because this is who i am and who i want to be...! .. i HAVE been on the other side of the fence...i have led the life that everyone else has been living...and quite frankly...I DON'T LIKE IT ! ... i don't want to be surrounded by 'stuff'....i don't want to spend my free time walking through stores and malls looking for even more... i don't need 3 closets overflowing full of items that i would wear only 1/10th of...and i certainly don't need 40 pairs of shoes.... i don't need 14 pans in the kitchen to cook with...or even enough glassware to water a small army....i don't want 400 family photos in picture frames lining my walls...or much of anything on my walls (dh likes to call us a 'frat house' with nothing on the walls)...but i like nice clean straight UNCLUTTERED lines....i like nothing sitting out...i want to be able to SEE the tops of my furniture pieces....i don't need to drive a brand new car every few years...i just take care of the one i have and although it is going on 12 yrs now it is in 'pristine' condition...why buy another ??? i don't want to eat out 5 x's a week....i don't care about food that much so why waste good money on it.....give me beans and rice everyday for the rest of forever...and i will be fine...... and the list goes on and on and on.....

and i am not DEPRIVED....nor do i feel DEPRIVED.... so stop feeling SORRY FOR ME...! cause in reality....'I' feel 'sorry' for you.... i am sorry that you continually seek out and try to find contentment and your happiness in the next new 'gadget'....i am sorry that you cannot find better things to do with your time than spend it walking around the mall carting bags in each arm...when i walk...i want to feel the sunshine on my face and a warm gentle breeze on my back...i want to look at nature and not the 'frazzled' face of the shopper next to me...i want to come into my home each day with the feelings of calm & relaxation...i don't want to look at items that are sitting or thrown about and have to give them even a thought...i want to sleep at night without all the extra worries that we add to our lives daily without even realizing it...life is hard enough with 'un-controllable' issues...why add to it...? i want to feed myself with the food that I prepared...(and yes...sometimes i DON'T feel like cooking or am completely utterly exhausted but it is those times that i MOST appreciate the fact that i AM able to cook and put food on the table when so many others will not even be able to do that tonight)...and please stop giving me that 'pityful' look when you drive by and see me PUSHMOWING my acre lawn...i have a rider too...i just made a choice...and if you look out your backwindow and see me hanging my laundry from the trees...it's coz i CHOOSE to...my dryer is not broken....

so as i could go on and on (obviously)....i just want others to 'get it'....i am not coming down on them for their choices so please stop coming down on me for mine.....let's all just live our lives as we see fit for us and take whatever comes with it...good or bad...and when we find that it may no longer be working for us then be willing to realize that there are other alternatives out there and not be afraid to 'judge' them so quickly until we have truly walked a mile in their shoes....

**nodmicks** · 05-16-2010, 12:17 PM

You really can't make anyone understand. It is too bad because understanding could really help a lot of people out.

**Dancing Lotus** · 05-16-2010, 12:26 PM

I get you. I see you.

Funny, Dh and I sort went on a rant about this last night.Not so much about things but about the food we eat.
Dh and I have decided we are happier when we eat a Vegan diet. But for some reason this isn't acceptable to our friends and family. The questions and comments about our meals are getting to be a bit tiresome.
One fool even had the nerve to accuse my dh of malnourishing our kids because we don't eat meat. Excuse me but I'm pretty sure beans and rice are better for you then a hot dog.
I don't judge others for what they eat, why must they openly judge me?

All I can say is, My husband likes to say " everyone is entitled to their wrong opinion, including me."

**ncarr** · 05-16-2010, 12:52 PM

I totally agree. People (esp at work) act like i'm weird because I bring my lunch, wear the same clothes over and over, etc. i think THEY are weird. I don't think we can make them get it but i don't let it bother me anymore.

**Darlene** · 05-16-2010, 01:01 PM

Feel better letting that out?

Now on to the good stuff, living life on your terms. Ahhh...

**stinkbug** · 05-16-2010, 01:43 PM

Are you me?????

**Natalie's Nesters** · 05-16-2010, 02:01 PM

I found my long lost sister! I totally agree with you!

**mauimagic** · 05-16-2010, 02:12 PM

EloQuently said!! Bet you feel better too!! Stand by your choices and ignore everyone else - you have better things to do!!

**monkeywrangler71** · 05-16-2010, 02:22 PM

I've always found it strange that other people's definition of deprivation is the same as my definition of peace.

**ladytoysdream** · 05-16-2010, 03:10 PM

I hear you....and understand where you are coming from

I hang clothes outside, so I can smile every day when I take the meter reading, and then chuckle at the bill when it comes.
I am happy not to see a big propane tank in our yard anymore. Heating with wood is cheaper and better for us.
I like scratch cooking. I KNOW where my food is coming from.
I like to garden. I like fresh veggies. I like to can and freeze the surplus. I like chickens. They give us eggs and cheap entertainment.

I like knowing my bills can be paid on time. And when we hit a speed bump in the road, I like knowing we have back up plans.

I like knowing I can make my own schedule. I don't have to hustle or stress for the almighty dollar every day.

Life is good

**chevy_chick95** · 05-16-2010, 03:54 PM

DBF always says things like this. He doesn't want to save for the future because he doesn't want to live the boring life I live... pphhhshhss! whatever

I like my boring life as everyone calls it, so keep your chin up. I really don't think there is anything we can do to make people understand.. my family makes fun of me as well... thats why I hang out in the village!

**pat in east texas** · 05-16-2010, 04:12 PM

Recommended reading on this subject - "The Midas Plague" by Frederik Pohl.

**2ndGenGranola** · 05-16-2010, 05:16 PM

I've received the same attitude from even those who call themselves "frugal". I believe it speaks more to what they are lacking in life rather than what I am "lacking". Are they more bothered by the fact that I do not have ____ or by the fact that I do not feel an emptiness or a devaluation because I do not have ____??

**Vanilla** · 05-16-2010, 05:21 PM

you are happy & contented, that's count.

**cab54** · 05-16-2010, 06:24 PM

Our society thinks sooooooo weeeeeeiiiiiird.

My best defense against this kind of verbal onslaught is to NOT tell people what I'm doing (frugality, that is).

Just live your life. Giving everybody the details just invites their 'advice'.

If they ask, I just say, "Oh, that's how I like to do things". Then shrug and smile.

I know your dh already knows, but make less of it, and he'll notice less.