I went to

[fernykins]

Riverside Mamorial Cematary to see my son today. I just don't get it. There were people that brought picnic's and sat there eatting by the grave stones orthey brought their lawn chairs and were just sitting out there. I miss my son but I can't see camping out there all day. It would just be to hard......
Fern

[MomToTwoBoys]

I think it helps people with getting some sort of closure and helps them feel closer to people if they spend that day with them. I imagine it helps in the healing process as well. It helps you to remember the good times and the sad ones, but it's spiritually healing you in ways that you can look back on his life and remember how awesome of a son he really was.

My mom goes to visit my grandmother, but I just can't. I was too close to her as a kid. She still struggles sometimes and it's been 12 years this July that Grandma has been gone.

I imagine over the years, it may not feel so bad and may not hurt so much. For now, I think it's ok just to go and reflect and tell him how much you love him. His spirit's still alive in you and that's something you can never lose.

[mauimagic]

It's always so hard Fern - on everyone - you do whatever is right and comfortable for you - that is all that counts. Perhaps in time you may want to spend more time there with him, perhaps with more privacy. It's never a right or wrong, just what is right for you. Hugs and prayers for you as always my dear.

[Libby]

Exactly what maui said PLUS who said you have to go only on Memorial Day? You can go any day you please and spend your time with him with less people around and picnicing etc.

You do what feels right for you. End of story. *hugs*

[ml2620]

Fern, I was thinking of you yesterday at our town parade and memorial service.

I come from the picnicing kind of family. We go and wash the headstones, plant flowers water and weed on memorial day weekend. I used to go with my nana and aunts and now they are all there and I visit them. I remeber being there with them and it is comforting and peaceful.

But with what you have said of your son, he was NOT calm and peaceful and you'd be more likely to remeber him and celebrate him in the middle of a party with friends and family.

Like the others say, you do what works for you. But my now DH, when we first started dating he found our cemetary visits very strange, but the night we were married, at the end of the reception we walked over to the cemetary (still in my wedding dress) to bring my grandmother my bouqet and by then, he was more than used to it.

[Kitchen Mama]

It seems they are doing what Memorial Day is suppose to be about----remembering not running to the lake with a big boat and guzzling beer. I can see afamily gathering---but to each his own. My late husband was a Vietnam Veteran.

[Saule]

We spend time visiting all of our relatives' grave sites in reasonable distance, cleaning up, putting out flowers etc.

To some extent this is also a cultural thing - many cultures have elaborate rituals or commemorations of the dead, and these have come with them to the US. It simply illustrates the "from many, one" aspect of the US, our wonderful mosaic.

[frugal is fun]

everyone morns differently. Some are comfortable spending time at the grave site, others not so much.

My fathers goes almost daily to visit my mom, I've gone twice in the seven years since she past.

Like others have said, if other people being there for long periods of time bothers you try to find a time that is quiet and not so many visitors so you can find peace.


I hope you are able to find comfort and peace and I am so sorry for your loss.

[Liane]

Thinking of you and your son. It is so hard to even go to a cemetary to see a loved one. Emotionally it can be crippling. I understand how you feel about the other people at the cemetary. My niece died when she was three months old. One time when I was standing at her grave there were people walking around giggling, reading the headstones around me. Here I was bawling my eyes out and they were acting like it was a display at the local Walmart. Do what you need to for you. Grieving is such a personal thing. May you have some peace and comfort during this difficult time.

[fernykins]

I know people grive differently. I am trying to teach my grandkids not to walk on the markers and to show respect. The grave sites are well maintained. Its a military grave yard so they take really good care of it. I guess I'm just noy use to party time in a place like that. I will be going at different times. Both my husbands were vietnam vets. I also know some of his friends went yesterday. both my parents are gone but my mother is out at Dana Point and my father is in North Dakota. so its different.
Fern

[ncarr]

I agree with the other posters that everyone grieves in their own way. I'm not sure if there is a right or wrong way to do it. Whatever makes you feel close to your loved one. For some families that's picnics, others it's washing markers in quiet remembrance, for others still it might be drinking a beer at the grave site and sharing one with their loved one who passed.

I think it's really brave that you went. I cannot imagine how hard it must have been. I'm sure your son would appreciate it. Sending hugs your way.

[mndtrp]

If I had my choice, people wouldn't go to my grave and mourn for a bit before leaving. If anything, I would rather they meet up, then have a barbecue or potluck, enjoying the life they still have, knowing I enjoyed mine.

I wouldn't want them to have this barbecue or potluck at the grave site, since that seems rude to others who just want some quiet.

[AmyBoz]

I think we all mourn in different ways. Having a picnic at the gravesite of a loved one wouldn't be comfortable for me, but it may be exactly how someone else needs to grieve.

I'm thinking about you and hoping that you are healing. to you. Big, gigantic

[Debbie-cat]

My thoughts go out to you. I also have to say that everyone grieves differently and maybe for them it is comforting I don't think it would be for me. Sending hugs across the miles.

[Ali Lee]

My deepest sympathy to you, Fernykins... My mother grew up in Ky & died 2 yrs ago @ age 84. She grew up visiting the graves with kleenex flowers, peonies in a jar, and flowers from the yard. They had no money for store bought flowers. Memorial Day was a "big" day. They had picnics in the cemetery. They spread out blankets, sat on stones, ate & visited with folks (up the holler) they hadn't seen for awhile. Mom said it was a good time. She, generally, sat with a boy she liked. And all this was shared with me, while we sat on headstone, in KY, near my Grandma's grave, mom laughing about this boy or that boy. A good memory.