Can I vent for a minute?

**CeeBee** · 06-13-2010, 07:34 PM

I guess I don't see what the huge deal is, unless people gave her gifts the first time around.

We considered having a "wedding" after our civil marriage, because I was pregnant and have you tried finding a maternity wedding dress in BFE Alaska? lol

Ultimately we chose to do an exceedingly low-key wedding with no family around. I'm not sure my MIL will ever forgive this oversight.

But if a "wedding" is something important to your sis, it's not like she's utterly horrible for having the big day a year after making it legal.

It sounds to me like you don't like the dude and fervently wish your sis would pick someone, anyone, else, but that hasn't got much to do with the timing here.

And as far as the registry, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery!

In forty years, will you still be happy that you wouldn't go to your sister's wedding over a year's worth of healthcare on Uncle Sam's dime?

**sahm2boys** · 06-14-2010, 01:28 PM

maybe im missing the point
she didnt have a wedding and now she wants one..BIG DEAL

sure shes been married a while but maybe it bothers HER that she didnt have a real wedding and she wants to feel like its a REAL wedding day.. THINK ABOUT HER and her feelings

honestly i hate to sound like the negative one in the bunch but i think you do sound a bit childish about it..so what if she wants the same china pattern? maybe she likes your taste...

( im so glad i didnt get china) lol

you sound selfish...

she's your sister..you need to stop and think about that and stop being silly over the gift registry try and be happy for your sister and listen to her

**sahm2boys** · 06-14-2010, 01:38 PM

just re read some things..i wanted to add that

i truly believe that if a bride wants someone in the wedding she should pay for the expenses

2nd if the wedding is costing over $10,000 i SERIOUSLY doubt she is spending all of that just to get ppl to buy gifts..

shoot..after all the money spent on the wedding the food n liquor id want something back too from the people eating and drinking it up =)

**Dancing Lotus** · 06-14-2010, 03:01 PM

OMG my sil did the same thing. They were married in the court house I was the witness. A few months later they had a "wedding", white gown, bridesmaids and all. It was the most ridiculous thing I have ever been forced to participate in. I have no advice other then to just go along with it because it will be happening wither or not anyone thinks it's a good idea.

**mauimagic** · 06-14-2010, 03:23 PM

Sounds as if you are dealing with a lot of issues here and it is far easier for us to have an opinion from far away.

If she wasn't your sister, would you be so upset. So she has issues to deal with - we all do. So her choice of husband is not who you would choose for her....cannot live her life for her.

My suggestion -

go to the wedding - enjoy yourself - you are going to look beautiful and be with a lot of people you really like. Nix the negative energy - it just bounces back on you and causes wrinkles and upset stomaches - it really is a waste of your energy since you can change nothing but your reaction.

Wish her well - which you really do or you wouldn't be so upset.

And then come back and tell us all the great things that happened!!

**sahm2boys** · 06-14-2010, 06:05 PM

i dont see why its ridoclous..maybe they didnt have the money then for the wedding f her dreams

i know if i had the money i would get married again..i had a very small quick backyard wedding..WOULD love to do it again

we had finger foods in the kitchen a wedding on the deck..i wore a clearence prom dress...i would really love a TRUE wedding...

i think its pittful to be so negative about the chic wanting her wedding..little girls dream of it and i would THINK most women would understand wanting a wedding that they can look back on and smile..not look back and think..well damn i cant believe the drama we had i cant believe my sister couldnt be happy for me..i cant believe we have no good memories...love you sister and help her make it a special day

**ncarr** · 06-16-2010, 02:42 PM

Originally Posted by sahm2boys

maybe im missing the point
she didnt have a wedding and now she wants one..BIG DEAL

sure shes been married a while but maybe it bothers HER that she didnt have a real wedding and she wants to feel like its a REAL wedding day.. THINK ABOUT HER and her feelings

honestly i hate to sound like the negative one in the bunch but i think you do sound a bit childish about it..so what if she wants the same china pattern? maybe she likes your taste...

( im so glad i didnt get china) lol

you sound selfish...

she's your sister..you need to stop and think about that and stop being silly over the gift registry try and be happy for your sister and listen to her

The point is that she's lying about it. If she was upfront and honest with people it wouldn't be as big of a deal. It's not like she got married then regretted it. She was planning the big wedding the whole time but decided she didn't want to get a "real job" (her words) and wanted health insurance so got married at a courthouse so it would be free. Then wanted my mom and I to lie to our family about her being married. I don't think it's selfish to be uncomfortable with dishonesty. My sister and I have a complicated relationship and this has just made things more difficult.

She knows that I won't lie for her and it pisses her off. That is basically the root of the problem. All of the peripheral issues stem from that.

**mek42** · 06-16-2010, 03:22 PM

Originally Posted by ncarr

The point is that she's lying about it. If she was upfront and honest with people it wouldn't be as big of a deal. It's not like she got married then regretted it. She was planning the big wedding the whole time but decided she didn't want to get a "real job" (her words) and wanted health insurance so got married at a courthouse so it would be free. Then wanted my mom and I to lie to our family about her being married. I don't think it's selfish to be uncomfortable with dishonesty. My sister and I have a complicated relationship and this has just made things more difficult.

She knows that I won't lie for her and it pisses her off. That is basically the root of the problem. All of the peripheral issues stem from that.

Ahhh... I see now. So even if she was vague and said, "We're having a church wedding now, please come help us celebrate. We apologize for the necessity of our small earlier civil ceremony due to the demands of the military." You'd be at least much more ok with something like that?

**annymoll** · 06-27-2010, 07:15 PM

Originally Posted by Liane

Aah sisters. I have three. Want one? You can't win in this situation. Your Mom will be upset if you do not go and so will your sister. As for your husband, maybe he could stop by after work. In the long run none of this is vitally important. Your sister has her reasons for doing what she is doing. They don't have to affect you. Bow out of the bridal party if you feel you must, but you should attend. My now husband and I planned our wedding and it was all set. My bil caused some drama and we cancelled our plans because of it-very long story. Anyway, we got married at the last minute on the anniversary of our first date which is the same date that we got engaged. We didn't keep it a secret and a few months later we had a party with our family and friends. It was important for us to have a party because several of our friends have cancer and my husband's Father is getting older. We felt that it was an opportunity to be with our loved ones. Gifts were not solicited or expected. We certainly did not register for anything. It is difficult not to have an opinion about the things that other people do. Right now it is up to you on how you react to it. The wedding will go on with or without you. Your family will find out one way or another that your sister is married. Some will care and some won't. Life is short. Vent and move on. It is her life and if this is how she wants her marriage to start, so be it. See where she is in 10 years.

I agree with this advice. I think it is dishonest to pretend that you are not married, when you are. But that dishonesty falls on your sister. Let her explain, there is no need for you to.I would not worry about a china pattern or a gift registry. I only have one little sister, and she does stupid stuff all the time so I can choose bigger bones to pick.