Can I vent for a minute?

[ncarr]

I have nobody I can vent this to right now and I am FUMING mad. My sister seriously irritates the crap out of me sometimes. She had a civil ceremony and was married over a YEAR ago. She has been using my (and your!) tax money to get free military health care etc and really hasn't worked except for bar-waitressing here and there in spite of the fact that she has a college degree.

Now she wants me and our friends to dress up in ugly bridesmaid dresses for her "wedding" in OCTOBER. wth? she is already MARRIED. She's not calling it a vow renewal or a blessing of a civil ceremony but telling people it is a wedding. My mom already told a bunch of our family that she's married and my sister got mad b/c she wanted to LIE and not tell our family. She still has her facebook status as "engaged" and hasn't really told her friends that she's married. She expects them to travel to Texas (where no one we know lives) for a FAKE wedding!

What really set me off is she texted me today to see if I mind if they get the same china as me. I look online and she has almost the exact same registry as I did 2 years ago. It's like she copied and pasted it. I think it's rude to register for china etc when you have already been married a year and a half and are lying about it but do your really have to copy my WHOLE registry?

Not to mention that her husband is my age (27) and is already divorced with a kid and is a complete jerk.

ugh. sorry if I sound childish. I'm just really irritated and needed an outlet.

[ladykemma2]

vow renewals are stoopid and are seen as a gift grab. not to mention the dishonesty. refuse to participate?

[Libby]

Vent away, vent away! We dont want YOU to blow up on us

I'd tell her point blank that you'd like to take no part in this 2nd cash grab wedding attempt and that you DO in fact mind that she is copying your registry.

Ultimately, if she wants it, she's going to get it one way or another or try to regardless if you say yes or no. But alerting the family that she's already married sounds like a good idea to me, this way no one feels 'duped' when they eventually do find out.

Just my 2 cents.

ETA: If its a sincere vow renewal ceremony - as in they got married the year before but it was a very intimate wedding ie city hall or justice of the peace type deal with 5 ppl - then I could see a 'for show' thing for all their friends and family so they feel included but to have a wedding just to get stuff - thats totally not the point of it.

[2ndGenGranola]

That sounds just plain strange. To me it sounds like they want to redo their house at other's expense. It is even stranger that they are copying your stuff -- 1-2 things aren't bad but pretty much the whole line up?!? I can't tell you what to do but I don't think I could play along with her game.

[frugalwarrior2]

lol. Imitation is Not always the sincerest form of flattery is it. Sounds like a younger sister?? Maybe she feels cheated she didn't do the whole shebang. I don't have a sister but I guess I wouldn't get caught lying for her. Smile life is nothing more than a monkey circus sometimes. I guess I don't get why w/ all the patterns out there she would choose yours. Maybe she still admires you and wants a little of the happiness she thinks you have.( Either that or she wants the rest of your old china when you get tired of it).

[Darlene]

Sounds like she may be jealous and hopes to have what you have. In a way I suppose you could/should be flattered. Better than feeling bad/mad about it.

She made a rash decision and got married quickly and now wishes for the "real deal"...who knows... whatever the reason she's going to do what she's going to do and anyone can celebrate with her or politely decline the invite. Lying about everything is immature and just dumb.
Sorry the guy in the picture is a "jerk" hoping he's getting his act together.

[ncarr]

yep frugal warrior... younger sister. I would LOVE to not participate but my mom would get really upset so I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I do refuse to lie and have not denied the fact that she's already married. She knows i won't lie about it and I know it irritates her. She has already spent more on her fake wedding than I did on my real one! She's already way over $10,000! It's seriously ridiculous.

I texted her back that I thought it would be kinda weird if we had the same china and she hasn't responded. I'm sure she's angry and I really don't care.

[nodmicks]

Wow that is all just crazy and I can see why you are annoyed. I can't believe one would hide the fact they are already married.

[nodmicks]

vow renewals are stoopid and are seen as a gift grab. not to mention the dishonesty. refuse to participate?

Whew do I agree about he dishonesty!!!!

Since my wedding rings were recently stolen and I want the rings I am married with dh and I will be doing a vow renewal. No gift grab though ( no gift grab when we wed originally as it was just us and witnesses). Our vow renewal will be just dh and I in Vegas

[craftypam]

If I were to do a vow renewal it would not be for gifts. I wouldn't even have some get together. It would be for my dh and me!!! No gifts expected.

[mamamia]

ncarr, you have every right to feel the way you do! And listen, if your post is any indication of how you're feeling, all's I can say is that you have alot more self control than I do!

First of all, how is she going to pull it off since some of your family already knowing she's married? AND if they already know, she can count on even MORE knowing, because word like that gets around FAST! Will she resort to having your mom call them to cover it up somehow? This is going to be a major "in her face" disaster!

I understand you don't want to upset your mom, but it sounds like it's going to cost you a pretty penny being a bridesmaid. And with that, what does your own husband say? If he's not happy with it all, maybe you could tell your mom and sis that you don't want to upset him, and need to back out?

I wish I had wiser words for you, but this one's "way out there"! I guess she's just not mature enough to realize all the bad feelings this is going to cause...or I guess I SHOULD say has ALREADY caused. But good for you for refusing to play the lying game for her!

Hang in there ncarr, and remember we're here to listen!

Theresa

[ncarr]

She actually didn't invite any of us to her actual wedding. She didn't tell me she was getting married. My mom told me after the fact. I don't think anyone knew.

my husband won't go. He refuses to take off work for it and I can't blame him. he hasn't missed a day in over 5 years.

I don't think she plans to keep it a secret per say since the cat is out of the bag. I think it's now a lie by omission. Idk the whole thing is so weird to me. I had a very traditional wedding so this whole elope then have the party a year and a half later is out of my league. I agree that it looks really tacky and like she's "gift grabbing." I'm not sure I can skip it without causing a huge family drama though. blah.

[mndtrp]

I guess I'm the opposite of most here. I don't care if someone else has the same things I do, regardless of their reason. If I wanted to be at a wedding, I would go, regardless of who would be upset about that choice. If I hadn't given a gift when the actual marriage happened, I might provide one at this marriage/vow renewal.

People make mistakes, and it sounds like she thinks she made one by not having an actual wedding the first time around. I do think she should pay for the bridesmaid dresses, as I feel it's rude to make the people you ask to be in your wedding pay for their own. As far as your husband not wanting to take time off from work because he hasn't in 5 years, that seems like a lame excuse.

These are, obviously, my opinions.

[zakity]

How rude of your sister!

I do know of a couple who eloped a week before the wedding. Both sets of parents had taken over the wedding and it was a huge thing that neither of them wanted. So, they took their best friends for a weekend away and got married there in a small private ceremony a weekend before. Then, they did the whole huge "wedding" thing for their families. They were happy because they got the small ceremony they wanted, the family was happy because they got the huge bash that they wanted, it all worked out.

The only other people I have heard of who had a second wedding was couples who were married a zillion and one years. One couple had been married like 50 years or something like that. Their first wedding had been a rush job because he was leaving for one of the wars. So, the kids got together and gave the mom a huge wedding that she missed when she was younger.

[Megareader]

The whole thing sounds like a request-for-donations kind of thing.

Dh and I originally got married in Las Vegas and then about 5 years later had the marriage blessed in the church. For the blessing we just invited immediate family and stressed we wanted their presence, not presents.

And your sister needs to pick her own china pattern.