A little frustrated...

**Luv2BeFrugal** · 06-09-2010, 01:05 AM

Ok, I'm just a little frustrated. Not angry or anything...just frustrated.

A friend asked me to babysit her 2 year old while she and her hubby went and did something special. From the brief description I got the impression it would be appx 3-4 hours of babysitting. She offered to pay me, but they've been friends for yeeeeeeeeeears and I figured "no biggie", it's just a few hours.

I'm not super into kid-time, but don't mind helping out now and again, either.

Turns out she needs me there at about 8:30am (next Monday).

And they'll get back between 7 and 7:30 AT NIGHT!! (And it takes 30 minutes to drive *each* way on top of that!).

Uh, what?!?! That was NOT what I was expecting at ALL!!!

I don't want to spoil their plans, but I don't want to spend 11 hours babysitting, either!! I didn't not realize (and she didn't say until a couple days later via e-mail) it was the entire freaking day!!!

Feeling frustrated...needing to vent. Would love some feedback, too. <sigh>

**2ndGenGranola** · 06-09-2010, 03:11 AM

I've learned to always ask the important details before you say yes.

**Luv2BeFrugal** · 06-09-2010, 03:32 AM

Originally Posted by 2ndGenGranola

I've learned to always ask the important details before you say yes.

I tried to, but she didn't have much in the way of details until the couple days later (via e-mail). And I got that info after asking twice after that first day!! Grrrr...

That'll teach me, huh?!

**nadine64** · 06-09-2010, 03:45 AM

Sounds to me like she wanted a "yes" before giving you the whole story. That's a long time to watch any 2 year old, whether you're into kids or not. Since you've already committed to watching the toddler, I would let your friend know, in a nice way, that next time before babysitting, you will need to know ALL the details before giving an answer. Good luck.

**LynnLC** · 06-09-2010, 09:33 AM

It went from a couple of hours to the entire day? I would have no issues saying I couldn't do that much time. Whatsoever.

**stinkbug** · 06-09-2010, 09:37 AM

I would also tell her *I can do three or four hours, but I'm not available the whole day* YOU are in complete control of this situation. Don't feel quilty because she was evasive with the details.

**nuisance26** · 06-09-2010, 09:37 AM

~Sounds like she trapped you a bit there. Although the offer of pay might have tipped you off that it was bigger than an hour or two thing.
I actually don't think it'd be rude of you to back out or put conditions on your favor. That is a really long time to watch a 2 year old(all meals, nap and putting to bed!)unless the reason for the parents being away is urgent(like medical care)or you're getting paid.
Just be honest and say what you said here. If you still want to go thorough with it unpaid she will still owe you a big one for this so be sure to ask for your return favor!~

**frugal is fun** · 06-09-2010, 09:40 AM

I would also respond by email that you were under the impression it would only be for a few hours and that you just weren't able/comfortable (whatever word you're comfortable with) watching the child all day. Tell her that they'll have to get someone to watch the child for the second half of the day. I do that with my son all the time, split it up so no one is overwhelmed with him.

OR...just do it this time and never offer or say yes again.

**porembam** · 06-09-2010, 10:02 AM

Wow! Your friend definitely did not give you the whole picture - if you are really not able to do the whole day - let her know and explain you thought you were just needed for a few hours date.
Where are they going that they are leaving their child with someone who has never watched them for the entire day.
If you are going to be angry after doing this - you might keep your friendship if you are honest up front.
I would always be there for a friend in time of hardship - like a spouse has to be in the hospital I would watch the kids for days.
This does not sound like an emergency - these people should create a date that does not involve taking advantage of a friend. Even if she paid - money is not the issue here.

**frugalfriend** · 06-09-2010, 10:53 AM

It sounds like you still want to do her the favor but since it is such a long time, maybe you could ask if she would bring her child to your house? Then you would have time to do other things at home, such as when he is napping, have some down time, and not have the half hour drive each way. Let her do the driving.

**shoiji** · 06-09-2010, 11:57 AM

Definately let her know you are willing to watch her child for x amount of hours. She needs to find someone else for the rest of the day. The whole day can be really taxing especially if being around little children is something you are not used to. Your friend probably already knows this about you so saying you can watch the child for part of the day should not be a surprise for you.

**frugalfranny** · 06-09-2010, 12:05 PM

Originally Posted by Luv2BeFrugal

I tried to, but she didn't have much in the way of details until the couple days later (via e-mail). And I got that info after asking twice after that first day!! Grrrr...

That'll teach me, huh?!

No........I would say if you didn't have all the details, to let her know, then the plan was incomplete.

NOW that you have all the details........the game has changed.

BUT LET HER KNOW........and soon......so she can plan accordingly. Decide what you are 'willing to give to this favor' and tell her......(it is a favor!!).........so give what you can or want to.....and after that it is back to her.

**Libby** · 06-09-2010, 01:58 PM

I'd call her and leave a VM on her home phone, a text to her cell and an email so she cant turn this around on you saying you bailed on her last minute when you decline. Explain that you were under the impression that it'd only be 3-4 hrs max and you felt that she purposely mis-lead you or baited you until you said yes before releasing all the details/necessary info.

As for being 'friends' - is this an acquaintance or a real friend? If a real friend did this to you, does it make you think twice? And if its a real friend, she'd understand when you decline and tell her the truth about being mislead.

I hope things work out for you - no matter what you choose.

**cab54** · 06-09-2010, 02:30 PM

That's a long time with a 2 year old, when you're not a kid person.

I say, now that you've commited (even though the details were sketchy) Take a deep breath, throw yourself into it, and find your inner child, and have fun with the little one.

Remember that 2 year olds are at about their worst toddler stage. Have patience and be kind and now take out your frustration on the kid when it's the mother's deception you're angry at. I'm not saying you're a child abuser (LOL!), just remember they can be tough to deal with.

Make it FUN! The time will go by faster, and you will look back on the experience with the sense that you did the right thing, or maybe even with fondness for the whole thing. Ya never know.

Then next time, demand ALL the details before committing. LOL!

**CeeBee** · 06-09-2010, 02:33 PM

dude, seriously. I have kids, and there is NO WAY I'd do that. Tacky!!

Tell this girl you didn't realize she meant all freaking day long.

"Something special" when you are the parents of a two-year-old means eating at Chili's without having someone throwing food off the high chair.

Some people are horrible when it comes to this... I speak from annoying and sad experience.