Grrrrr

[Rhiamon]

So I was looking online for jobs for myself and my husband who says he wants a better job. I found one for him working the rail line, inspections etc.No experince needed So I tell him about it, he seems curious. It offers benefits, a 401k, but he has to be willing to travel sometimes. He says well how much does it pay. So I tell him 20 to 30 an hour. He says yes he will apply for it all gung hoe.
Well we live with our in-laws because we can't afford to live on our own. And he starts telling them about the job, is really excited about applying for it. And what do they start well you'll have to travel, it will be cold in the winter time, you'll have to work lots and be on call etc.. Listing ever reason he should not apply for it and trying to talk him out of it. BLEEP BLEEP!!!!!! We have no money we owe on everything, whcih is why we live with them. He alreay works outside and makes just over min wage. So what if he has to travel, or relocate (this is the big thing I think they don't want to happen) We have talked this sort of thing over before. Now he says well I will put my resume in and will see. Then his mom goes I think you should go to college instead, well we can't afford that and there is nothing he wants to take right now that he says he would be willing to go into that kind of debt for. We have had this conversation with them plenty. We all ready agreed when my mental health was better I would go to school and take PSW. Beside it would be me living with out him from time to time. I am really starting to think they never want us to move out.

[nodmicks]

My FIL did that exact job for many years. The last few 10 years he was a track boss. It is cold, you do travel, you do get your position bumped etc etc but it was a really good job with great benefits and a great pension now. I really do see why you are frustrated. You may be right that they do like having you and dh there. That is sweet in some ways but really they should be encouraging both of you to raise your wings and fly.

Hang in there and keep working towards your own place!

[Saule]

Is there any possibility that you can get counseling through your community health care or even through your church? You and your husband need to determine what your game plan is - what are YOUR priorities, not his parents' priorities and what are the steps you need to take to achieve them. The job sounds like a great possibility, but if he gets selected for an interview and goes in without enthusiasm, he won't stand a chance. Having a clear goal - for example, moving out of parents' home in 12 months' time - would help him focus on this.

I know a woman whose house is about to go into foreclosure. She will not consider looking for a job because she is homeschooling her teenage son. There is no medical or religious reason, she just wants to. I asked her whether she thought she would be able to homeschool effectively in a shelter. So now she won't speak to me. What are her priorities, then?

You and your husband need to make a joint decision. I find getting into debates with others are not helpful in these situations, and my approach is to say, thank you for your comments, you've given me something to think about. I appreciate your concern. Then do what is right for you. Going to counseling together might help him understand how he is permitting his parents to undermine your relationship - not maliciously, but that really is the end result - and help him develop techniques for dealing with it.

[leighcat]

My heart goes out to you. When we first moved here we had to stay with in-laws. My ex-dh's dad was very controlling, manipulative, and verbally abusive towards me. They basically broke our marriage apart and we are divorced. You need to make your business more personal and not share everything with them. They are not the ones that have to live your lives, you are. Please get to a marriage counselor if you are going to be living with people like this. You are adults with a child and they need to butt out and let you get on with your lives.