Since when did my house become the cool house?

[jantana]

This isn't about summer but....
We have a foster home and a few years back we had 8 kids ranging in ages 6 - 12. We live on the back lot of our (then) church. There was a lady that played the piano and would send her 3 children over. This was getting to be every Sunday. Finally I asked the oldest one why were they coming every Sunday 2 hours before night services, he replied, My mom said you had so many kids you wouldn't notice 3 more. I smiled, sent the 3 kids back to their mom, thought very carefully about how to handle this. When I saw the lady at church that night, I jokingly asked her when she was going to take my 8 since her 3 have been at my house so much. After that they only came when they were invited.

[Dancing Lotus]

Love the flag idea!

There are parents out there who shoo their kids out the door as soon as they've finished breakfast and frankly wouldn't mind if they didn't come back till bath and bedtime. To make things easier on you, you've got to lay down some ground rules.

First, I'd stick with the backyard rule, if they can't play in the back yard maybe the kids will go over and play at that kid's house sometimes.

Second, I'd provide water only. A budget is a budget, and if you (I know nothing of your $ situation, just an example) struggle to pay your bills or fund your your EF then buying snacks for the neighborhood is just too much.

Third, mealtimes are for family only. Unless others plans were made in advance. I'd just open the door and announce that it was time for your kids to come in for lunch and that they needed to go home for now. Take the flag in and remind them not to come back unless and until the flag was put back out.

Fourth, give yourself a break. No need to feel guilty about not wanting to be a free Summer camp for the neighborhood.

Implementing all of the above now
You hit the nail on the head, it's not that I don't want my kids to play it's that I am beginning to feel like a free summer camp.

I told one girl this afternoon that she had to go because we were leaving. She then wanted to know where we were going and could she come with us? When I said NO she wanted to know why. I had to use the old because I said so line. She then asked me to send Haylie over as soon as we got back. I told her NO because Haylie was going to clean her room when we got back. The girl then wanted to help Haylie clean her room. Apparently she didn't hear me say no because in no less then five minutes of our return the bell rang.

[sueh]

I just went through this recently. I had to sit my kids down and have a talk with them. Right now I am unemployed and explained that what we have for snacks has to last us as long as they can. I told them I understand that they have big generous hearts but I can't be feeding the neighborhood.
I only allow the kids in my house if it's raining out. If it's nice and sunny then they need to be outside.

[max915]

I really never had this problem because we live way out in the country and it is hard for the kids to just up and run to someone's house they would have to be taken there. I guess I would lay down some rules and let your kids know that you are not going to provide lunch or snacks. Kids need to know what they can and can't do...all else fails hide the food and lock up the frig.

[porembam]

How many kids do you watch?
It sounds like their are just a few kids taking advantage of the situation and I agree with everyone else - they can't stay for mealtimes.
It is weird that after having been at your house a few days the parent hasn't stopped by to visit - is that child being watched by a paid person because then you are doing their job for free!
I would want to meet the parents where my child visits - just wondering?

[MomToTwoBoys]

I've been dealing with this since DS6 made friends.

I can count on my fingers and toes the number of times they ring my doorbell every day. DS is always wanting so-and-so friend to come in and play and while I don't mind, most of the time the house is a total wreck.

He has one friend that I think is absolutely adorable and is probably the sweetest little girl, but he likes playing with everyone but her sometimes. He even made fun of her for reading while others were playing, so DH suggested that maybe he read with her. He did after that.

"Mom, can I go over to Erica's house?"
"Mom, can Romeo come play inside?"
"Mom, I want something from the ice cream truck and everyone else has something but me."
"Mom..."
"Mom..."

He wants everyone to share in snacks but I've told him that we buy groceries for us and that's all we can afford. He then gets mad when the other kids get things from one kid's house but he doesn't get anything.

It's a perpetual nightmare when the snow's gone.

DH and I have taken to telling the kids repeatedly when one of them comes to tattle on DS that they either have to work out their problems on their own, or they can stop playing with each other. I told one of the kids that he couldn't play with Dakota anymore after how he was being treated and well, that lasted all of four days.

Blech.

I think this is why I don't babysit. I dislike other people's kids except my own and any of my friends' kids.

[starsapphire]

Apparently she didn't hear me say no because in no less then five minutes of our return the bell rang.

Oh she heard you alright. She's just testing your new boundaries. Do not give in. Consistency is the KEY. Stick to your guns, every time, and she will get the message.

[modamom]

I don't allow kids in my house whose parents I don't know unless is a school project. I am a school employee and I am always very conscious of liability issues with having kids over whose parents may not know they are with me. I will feed kids when they come over especially since dd's projects could take hours, but I don't believe in kids just dropping in all the time.
Finally, both with my kids and my foster kids, I try to get them to learn to entertain themselves and not depend on me or other kids to be their entertainment. I learned early on not to complain of boredom since my mom would always find something for me to do.

[Dancing Lotus]

How many kids do you watch?
It sounds like their are just a few kids taking advantage of the situation and I agree with everyone else - they can't stay for mealtimes.
It is weird that after having been at your house a few days the parent hasn't stopped by to visit - is that child being watched by a paid person because then you are doing their job for free!
I would want to meet the parents where my child visits - just wondering?

I watch 4 kids at different times.

One of the boys in question who comes over is home alone with a much older sibling. I have yet to met his parents in the last few weeks although my husband says he knows who his father is. BIG DEAL, my husband isn't the one home with all these kids.
The girl does have a parent at home with her. I walked to her house yesterday to meet her mom but to be honest the mother didn't have much to say to me. The girl does have to go home every hour to check in but she always comes running right back. I get the feeling her parents don't care much. It's a shame because she really is a nice girl.

I did put my foot down today . They asked if she could have dinner, I said NO. They asked if she could sleep over, I said NO. And then at five I sent her Home and told Haylie to tell her good night. When she said she would see her tomorrow I told her NOT before 10. Now that the house is quiet I can think and wright a list of rules that I will introduce tomorrow. oh yeah , there will be some angry kids here tomorrow. But better them then me.

[StartingOver]

We have a "rule" in our neighborhood...that when the garage door is up, the kids can play. If the garage door is closed, it's just not a good time.

I guess I don't have a problem w/kids wanting snacks. When the weather is nice they are outside all day. They all have water bottles and will come and ask if they can refill their bottles if they are playing in our yard or driveway.

If it's too hot out they are allowed to come in and play the Wii for an hour then they have to find something else to do. My dd and friends don't ask for food all that often. If they do, they grab a package of fruit snacks or a granola bar. I only give out water, no pop or juice. Every now and then lemonaide.

If it's time to eat....and I haven't gone to the store yet, I just say "Suzie.....it's time for lunch, how about you guys eat and come on back and play." Works great!

I love having my daughter's friends over. I at least know where she is, who she's hanging with and what they are doing.

[mndtrp]

Set some rules, and then stick to those rules.

My mother wouldn't let friends over before lunch or after dinner, except for rare occasions. Meals were family time, and the morning was spent doing whatever it was that needed to get done around the house. My sister and I started out early helping mom in the morning with chores, so that's what we did before friends came over.

As far as treats, I'm not entirely sure we got any. If you bought pretzels for your child for the week, and she gave them away, it seems simple enough to tell her she isn't getting any more for the week. She'll eventually figure out what is worth more to her, the treats or friends eating her food.

The backyard thing is up to you, not the children. If someone's parents don't let them play in the backyard, tell that child his parents should feel free to discuss the issue with you, but your children are not going to play in the front yard.

Consistency is key, though. If you continually give in, the kids will take you for a ride.

[pollypurebred39]

We've never had a bunch of kids in our neighborhood. Just a neighbor boy my son's age. They played together, but not everyday and we traded houses. We also fed each others kid, it was a mutual thing. We had respect for each other and the need for alone time with our families, the length of time at each others houses, making sure they each cleaned up after they played. It worked for us because it was a friendship based on respect. I became friends with Mom, as the boys developed their friendship. We are still friends today, even though they've moved. That certainly would not have happened if she had treated me like a free Summer camp, or I her.

But this does not sound like it's mutual, and it's without question lacking respect. The parents of these children should

A) Know the family they are letting their child spend time with, and that means going to the parents home, introducing themselves, saying something along the lines, It seems like our kids really like each other. Little Johnny came home the other day just babbling on and on about your little Chloe.

B) Ask the parents if it's okay if their kids come over during the day. Saying something along these lines, He enjoys your little Chloe so much, I just wanted to check with you to make sure it's okay if he visits.

C) The parent should then ask what the rules are for your home and instruct their children on those rules. The kids parents should be sure to enforce those rules. Such as, no vistors before 10am!

D) All of us know how expensive kids are, the parents should occasionally send their kids with a bag of popcorn or ice pops to share, maybe a few bottles of bubbles to blow. My Mother would have never let us go to another child's home empty handed. The lack of respect is astounding.

[cashcow]

Hi Ladies!

I hope that you all don't think I'm an awful mom, but I have been laughing with pure RELIEF AND GLEE that I no longer have to worry about the whole neighborhood being at my house. My kids are all adults now, but when they were young, our house was the cool house. The minute school let out for the summer, our doorbell rang nonstop, and my grocery bill went through the roof. Plus, my house was always a mess from all of the toys, dirt being tracked in, etc. There were evenings when I would bawl my eyes out because I didn't think I could take it another day, but I also didn't want anyone thinking that I was an old witch. What an absolute load of crap that was !

Then, when my kids were in highschool, the party continued. My son, who is a drummer, had a garage band, and there was a never ending stream of kids coming and going, not to mention the noise. Plus, they all ate like locusts, sometimes even eating food I had planned on cooking for supper! One kid liked to wash his fast food uniform at my house before his work shift, sometimes even taking MY CLOTHES out of the washer so that he could wash his stuff! I justified all of this nonsense with the notion that atleast I knew all of my kids' friends, and I knew what they were doing every day after school. NOT !!! While I was in the house congratulating my long suffering self for being such a "cool mum," the kids were in the garage smoking pot. I didn't figure all of this out until the little rascals had been getting high for several months!

All of this is pretty funny now. Occasionally, I see these kids, all of whom are now adults, around town. They still tell me what a blast they had at my house and then we laugh about how clueless I was! I always tell them that I hope their own kids give them a run for their money so that I can laugh my pants off.

So ladies, don't feel bad. Just consider this message a cautionary tale on how carried away things can get! Stick to hour guns, Ann. You are not being mean!

[mamamia]

You've gotten some really great advice here, Ann. My house is the cool house too, and it's no wonder with all the bragging my kids do about the cheap food I'm able to stock Well, for the most part, I really don't mind, but now it's summer, and they come during the day now too. AND...I can only squeeze my pennies so hard, but I don't always want to say no either. So, what I learned to do is let my kids know that they're allowed to invite their friends over after lunch time. I always have an abundance of snacks, and I make my own iced tea, or we make Kool Aid, so that part's fine with me. Then I give them a certain day (or days), that they're allowed to invite friends for supper. That way, THEY know it's only for certain days, and their friends can easily figure out the same thing. I try to make it fun for them by leaving some of the cooking for them (they're teens), and they like that idea. For instance, I get brownie mixes for practically nothing w/sales & coupons, so I let them personalize them w/cherries, marshmallows, etc. They think it's great...I think it's cheap The other rule is, you wash what you use too. I have a DW, but I'm not gonna be filling that up all day either, kwim?

Just stick to your guns Ann. They'll catch on quick!

Theresa

Forgot to mention, that I let my kids choose the days to invite their friends (within reason). It just makes me look that much "cooler"....UHMM...I think